Are you ok with your husband/wife/partner liking bikini pictures?

[Isthebusstillrunning]

Or underwear/revealing pictures.
I was just on Instagram and ended up on one of the Love Island contestant's pages.
There were a few revealing pics of her in a bikini or in underwear, and I was able to see that it was 'liked' by a male acquaintance of mine, who's in a long term relationship and has a 2 year old child.
I know it doesn't mean he's cheating, but I'm not sure how I feel about it really. Sure, we all think others are attractive, but is it necessary to like revealing/almost naked photos? Maybe his partner is ok with it, who knows. I just find it a bit disrespectful.

bit

You don't follow celebs on social media at all then?

No, I tiktok abit (no Facebook or insta) for recipes and make up tips and follow some feminists, but no celebs.

Never watch a film because a certain attractive actor is in it?

No. Why would you?? That's a bizarre reason to watch a film.

Never google a celeb you fancy?

No, I don't.

I'm not a pearl clutcher or a prude as some have insinuated. But I have been with my husband for 21 years and we are in a mutually respectful relationship, and I wouldn't be with anyone who followed and liked women in bikini's on social media, because I don't like men who see women as sex objects.

The type of men who like these pictures, are usually also into porn, which is a no from me.

Everyone is different. We all have our standards.

And look what that’s done for womankind. Objectified, oppressed and subject to patriarchal ideas of what constitutes desirable and worthy.

No thanks.

🤣 So women letting themselves be looked at by men is why we ended up oppressed and the patriarchy existing?

Apparently 😂

Buffy, angel or bones fan, or different show?

I'm not a pearl clutcher or a prude

You suggested that ‘lusting after anyone’ was perverted and sad, so yeah, you are definitely a pearl clutcher and a prude, sorry.

Perfectly OK to find it a bit cringe that a man is clicking Like on randoms from a reality show in their pants, of course - I’d roll my eyes at a man who did that. It’s also fair enough to feel that within your own relationship it would be disrespectful for you and your husband to express attraction to a celebrity in front of each other.

But it is prudish to suggest that people are creepy perverts for privately thinking anyone who isn’t their spouse is attractive, or for having a little crush on an actor or something.

Do you honestly never see a picture of a man, just in passing while online or reading the newspaper or watching a film, and privately find them vaguely attractive? Never? Really? And if you did, would you feel guilty? Because in a lot of posts you’re suggesting that’s disgusting and embarrassing. You are the very definition of a prude. Which is fine, but at least own it instead of pretending you’re not.

But it is prudish to suggest that people are creepy perverts for privately thinking anyone who isn’t their spouse is attractive, or for having a little crush on an actor or something

Well if you read all my posts, I said of course I find some people attractive. I'm sure my husband does too.

But I wouldn't look for them on the internet specifically to look at their pictures, or watch a film based on the fact they were in it, or take part in 'phwoar, what I wouldn't do to them', type conversations.

Can you tell me what is prudish about not objectifying someone?

I don't think it means someone is a 'pervert'. It's normal to look at and be attracted to attractive people. However I do find it disrespectful to a partner to basically declare to that other person and to the entire world, that they find them attractive. Which for me is what they're doing when they don't know them and the person is posing in an obviously provocative / sexual pose. So for me, in my relationship, it wouldn't be acceptable. And I wouldn't do it to my partner either. I don't think it's the same as 'just looking'.. .online interaction is still real life and I wouldn't want my partner going up to women and telling them how hot they look face to face either

@DannyLaRuesBestFrock I’m with you completely.

of course I find some people attractive. I'm sure my husband does too

So you’re allowed to find them attractive, but not to actually enjoy looking at them?

If you look at a man by by accident and find him attractive, do you have to beat yourself over the head and pop a hair shirt on to make amends for your lustful objectification of their noble visage?

Nope. No way. I would go mad. I don't care how 'uncool' that makes me!

If you look at a man by by accident and find him attractive, do you have to beat yourself over the head and pop a hair shirt on to make amends for your lustful objectification of their noble visage?

You are wilfully and purposefully misunderstanding what I am saying.

No, I don't wear a hair shirt for thinking privately that someone is good looking. And where have I said that?

What I have said, is actively seeking out and publicly declaring I fancy someone who is semi naked, by liking a picture, is objectification and disrespectful to my husband.

If you are happy for your partner to publicly objectify women, well that's your lookout isn't it 🤷.

I don't understand why you are particularly singling me out, when many other posters have stated their boundaries are the same.

Maybe you're angry, or projecting, as you seem very defensive.

Gross. An adult man liking pictures of a young woman is pretty unpleasant. Sure the women are fake, vacuous and all about presenting themselves as sexuallly as possible to get likes but still...

Thank you @DropCloths

Seems if you don't like your other half objectifying people, or you don't publicly objectify them yourself, then you must be lectured and told what you say is wrongthink, because if someone else does it, then they are right and you're wrong.

Buffy and Angel.

I like all sorts of things on social media without much thought tbh. It may have been the comment that he liked. Or he likes watching love island. It would t bother me in the slightest

Depends on the context.. on the bigger picture. If I were scrolling instagram and saw a picture of a celeb I thought was particularly attractive or it was a beautiful photo I'd like the post.. even if it were a nude or something... but I do not sit there scrolling thru Instagram looking for sexy pics or anything.

I don't really keep up with what my husband likes on Instagram but I don't think I'd be too bothered if he pressed like on a pic of a beautiful woman in a bikini... it would depend on if he were doing that constantly and making a big deal out of it and making me feel bad etc. He's not that type though. ive seen him like a picture of Elle Fanning in an evening dress once... but tbh it was a beautiful picture I don't blame him. I don't think he even knows what live island is.

The boundaries and what is and isn't ok in your own relationship is entirely up to you. But implying people are juvenile and perverted for finding other people or celebrities attractive makes you come across as a prude and frankly a bit bizarre.

I've been with my husband for nearly 30 years and we too are in a mutually respectful relationship. Like I said in my previous comment it's absolutely not ok for me if he was liking and commenting on random strangers' posts where they're in bikinis etc. It's actually a moot point because he doesn't have any social media.

I find this confusing -
Never watch a film because a certain attractive actor is in it?
No. Why would you?? That's a bizarre reason to watch a film.

There are no male actors you find attractive enough to watch a film or TV show that they're in? I don't think I've ever met anyone who's never found a famous person attractive before.

Again. Someone else wilfully misrepresenting what I am saying.

Yes, I do think it is a bit leery and pervy to PUBLICY seek out someone's half naked pictures to like.

No I DO NOT think it's bad to privately find a celeb attractive and watch a movie with them in.

But would I watch a film solely because someone I thought was attractive in passing, just because they were in it? No, I wouldn't.

Would I watch a film that coincidentally features someone I have found attractive in a previous film I have enjoyed, yes, I would.

Would I enjoy a film solely due to the fact there was a pretty person in it? well no.

What are people not getting here?

Most excellent, although wished his character would of stayed in Buffy longer

Liking a photo of an attractive person is normal and fine, 'liking' a photo on SM, ie telling the world that you like it is a different matter. And disrespectful to your partner imo.

To me the problem is not the finding someone attractive. It's not looking at pics of hot people (who have put them on insta specifically to be attractive to people). That's fine, it's what the pictures are for.

It's the liking! So that the celebrity KNOWS! And even that isn't because i think it disrespectful to me if my partner lusts after someone else (it's normal amd fine).

It just seems really tragic, it taps into a whole world of men being arrogant enough to think their opinion of how sexy someone is matters TO THE PERSON. Love Island Lassie doesn't care if fat dad Dan from Yorkshire knocks one out over her. But him giving a sort of lordly thumbs up, so she KNOWS he fancies her - she is being patronised and encouraged- it's just laughable. It's the digital version of shouting in the street "Smile love!". Or those old geezers who make a beeline for the most beautiful woman at a party and bore at them. Like women care what you think of them!! Like you should get a bit of their attention while you review them! Who the fuck are you? It reveals a pitiful arrogance.

So the upshot would be if my partner did it I would think him embarrassingly lame and divorced from reality.

Would not bother me at all. I'd like a half naked pic of Jason Mamoa anytime.

Not something I have to worry about because my DH doesn't use social media. However it wouldn't bother me.

I follow and like pictures of male celebrities that I find attractive. I also follow and like pictures of women in their bikinis (I'm not attracted to them but I can appreciate that they're beautiful).