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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Are you ok with your husband/wife/partner liking bikini pictures?

107 replies

Isthebusstillrunning · 08/08/2023 17:23

Or underwear/revealing pictures.
I was just on Instagram and ended up on one of the Love Island contestant's pages.
There were a few revealing pics of her in a bikini or in underwear, and I was able to see that it was 'liked' by a male acquaintance of mine, who's in a long term relationship and has a 2 year old child.
I know it doesn't mean he's cheating, but I'm not sure how I feel about it really. Sure, we all think others are attractive, but is it necessary to like revealing/almost naked photos? Maybe his partner is ok with it, who knows. I just find it a bit disrespectful.

OP posts:
cinnamonfrenchtoast · 08/08/2023 17:46

Isthebusstillrunning · 08/08/2023 17:44

Ok it's a celebrity, but what if that starts becoming his female colleague/friend?

That's like comparing apples and oranges though.

FuckNuggets · 08/08/2023 17:46

Isthebusstillrunning · 08/08/2023 17:44

Ok it's a celebrity, but what if that starts becoming his female colleague/friend?

That is unacceptable IMO. But, really it doesn't matter what is fine for everyone else. It's all about the people in the relationship. If one partner is uncomfortable with it then they need to let the other partner know. Everyone has different levels of what they find acceptable and what they don't. There's no right or wrong, it's very much down to the individual.

DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 08/08/2023 17:47

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 08/08/2023 17:46

That's like comparing apples and oranges though.

Why though?

Ladyoftheknight · 08/08/2023 17:47

Dh wouldn't and doesn't. If he did I'd be fine with it. This guy you know might be 'allowed' anyway, it's not cheating at all!

FuckNuggets · 08/08/2023 17:47

DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 08/08/2023 17:46

Well my DH is 48 and if was liking pictures of someone off a reality show with barely any clothes on, a few years older than our daughter, it would turn my stomach.

Thankfully he isn't a pervert.

And no, I don't go looking to perv over men half my age to like their photos, because I'm not a sad twat.

The threads on here where the women leer and perv over fella's make me cringe so hard.

Is it ok to perv over celebs your own age, IYO?

Isthebusstillrunning · 08/08/2023 17:48

The man liking the pics is 15 years younger than his partner, he's closer in age to the celeb.

OP posts:
cinnamonfrenchtoast · 08/08/2023 17:48

DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 08/08/2023 17:47

Why though?

Because he knows the friend/colleague - and he doesn't know the random woman from Love Island.

I'd have thought that was obvious Confused

fullbloom87 · 08/08/2023 17:49

Isthebusstillrunning · 08/08/2023 17:44

Ok it's a celebrity, but what if that starts becoming his female colleague/friend?

Then it's even worse and even more perverted and immature. I would divorce him asap because his character would be forever tarnished.

BalletBob · 08/08/2023 17:58

It's just very juvenile and deeply unattractive. I could never be with the kind of man who scrolled Love Island photos on social media and "liked" bikini pictures. The blokes with half a brain grew out of this in their teens. And yes, of course we all still find other people and celebrities attractive despite being married, but we don't have to advertise the fact on Facebook.

Tabitha005 · 08/08/2023 18:08

ConcernedCatmother · 08/08/2023 17:35

My FIL does this, he’s 70 and married and follows/likes photos of 18-20year olds in thongs/bent over. It’s grim, younger than his daughters. I’m no contact with him as I don’t want to associate with a sleazy loser.

Oh, christ, GRIM.

I think I'd be pissed off if my DH started liking photos of scantily-clad young women.

Onedownonetogooo · 08/08/2023 18:09

BalletBob · 08/08/2023 17:58

It's just very juvenile and deeply unattractive. I could never be with the kind of man who scrolled Love Island photos on social media and "liked" bikini pictures. The blokes with half a brain grew out of this in their teens. And yes, of course we all still find other people and celebrities attractive despite being married, but we don't have to advertise the fact on Facebook.

Hahah! This 100 percent !!!! Xxx

Cowlover89 · 08/08/2023 18:28

Doesn't bother me

DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 08/08/2023 18:59

FuckNuggets · 08/08/2023 17:47

Is it ok to perv over celebs your own age, IYO?

Lusting over anyone any age is pretty sad tbh.

I certainly find people attractive, but I wouldn't be 'liking' pictures of them half dressed on social media, because I'm not 13.

And I wouldn't go out of my way to Google pictures of men I found attractive.

If you mean my husband liking half naked pictures of women the same age as him on social media, I would still think what a sad twat. And it would give me the ick, but it's not something I need to think about.

FuckNuggets · 08/08/2023 19:02

DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 08/08/2023 18:59

Lusting over anyone any age is pretty sad tbh.

I certainly find people attractive, but I wouldn't be 'liking' pictures of them half dressed on social media, because I'm not 13.

And I wouldn't go out of my way to Google pictures of men I found attractive.

If you mean my husband liking half naked pictures of women the same age as him on social media, I would still think what a sad twat. And it would give me the ick, but it's not something I need to think about.

You don't follow celebs on social media at all then? Never watch a film because a certain attractive actor is in it? Never google a celeb you fancy? I mean everyone is different, I certainly don't look down on people for finding celebrities (their own age) attractive. But the, I guess some people are just judgemental.

OneTwoThreeShake · 08/08/2023 19:09

Yes. I don't care. I don't expect anybody to pretend something that looks good doesn't look good.

Similarly, the women who "like" photos of Daniel Craig in his swimming trunks. Its just liking a picture.

fatherliamdeliverance · 08/08/2023 19:15

I think it's gauche and disrespectful. We can all think 's/he's got a rather nice bum' to ourselves without liking or commenting for all the world and our partner to see. If a man did this regularly then I would assume he has a bit of a wandering eye.

Hummingbird89 · 08/08/2023 19:16

Celebrity, fine. Colleague/friend/someone in real life; not ok.

GiveOverRover · 08/08/2023 19:20

I would find a partner who pored over Instagram "liking" pictures of people they didn't know very unattractive. If that's how you want to spend your time, knock yourself out, but it would be a big turn off for me.

This man's partner might not know, she might not care. Who knows.

ManateeFair · 08/08/2023 19:26

DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 08/08/2023 17:46

Well my DH is 48 and if was liking pictures of someone off a reality show with barely any clothes on, a few years older than our daughter, it would turn my stomach.

Thankfully he isn't a pervert.

And no, I don't go looking to perv over men half my age to like their photos, because I'm not a sad twat.

The threads on here where the women leer and perv over fella's make me cringe so hard.

I can absolutely understand why you wouldn't be keen on your husband following a load of random bikini women on Instagram and liking all their pictures - I wouldn't be delighted either, just because it's all a bit obvious and naff.

But unless they are completely asexual, men do find beautiful women (whatever beautiful means to them) attractive, so I guarantee you that if your husband does see a photo of a beautiful 25-year-old in her undies, he definitely doesn't think 'How revolting, she is only a few years older than my daughter. I am repulsed'. And that doesn't make him a pervert - quite the opposite in fact. A pervert is someone who is sexually aroused by something that deviates from the norm. A man who finds a woman in a bikini attractive is, in fact, absolutely the norm.

It is also completely normal and human for women to find men attractive. Again, not perverted. Just biology, really.

And I wouldn't go out of my way to Google pictures of men I found attractive.

Fair enough. But if you do happen to see one without actively searching, though, what's your reaction? For example, if there's an actor you find attractive, and you were flicking through a magazine in the doctor's waiting room and there was a picture of said actor, do you close the magazine in horror at the sin of seeing the face of a good-looking man or feel embarrassed that you might have accidentally been a pervert by thinking 'Goodness, he's handsome'?

I guess what I'm trying to figure out is whether you think it's only liking/following good-looking celebrities that's the problem, or whether you're saying that simply finding someone hot, without actively looking out for them, is also unacceptable and perverted.

TheGoodBanana · 08/08/2023 19:28

I'm with you, look but keep your attraction to yourself, it's basic respect.

Being in a relationship doesn't make you blind to the attractiveness of others but it should mean that you don't act on it. However insignificant you think the action is.

ManateeFair · 08/08/2023 19:32

Lusting over anyone any age is pretty sad tbh

This is a very strong reaction to the normal human trait of finding other human beings attractive. I mean, it's pretty normal to see beauty in the human form, no? The vast majority of people, men and women, fantasise about people other than their spouse now and again, whether that's their favourite celebrity or a fictional character or some theoretical dream man or woman they've simply conjured up in their head. Lust is a normal human instinct. If it wasn't, we'd really struggle to reproduce.

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 08/08/2023 19:32

TheGoodBanana · 08/08/2023 19:28

I'm with you, look but keep your attraction to yourself, it's basic respect.

Being in a relationship doesn't make you blind to the attractiveness of others but it should mean that you don't act on it. However insignificant you think the action is.

Liking photos is just what you do on social media, though. Why is it disrespectful to like a photo of someone you find attractive? I genuinely don't get it.

TheGoodBanana · 08/08/2023 19:36

@cinnamonfrenchtoast because for all the world to see, you should be loyal to your partner. Why do you need to signal your attraction to other people?

This applies less so to celebrities to be fair but certainly attractive real life people. It's just providing a connection, they know you like them, they like you back, messages get sent.....

That's just my opinion and my partner agrees, you are free to run your relationships however works for you.

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 08/08/2023 19:37

I just don't see how liking a public photo on social media is being disloyal to anyone.

Of course everyone is free to think how they want but it genuinely baffles me.

If DH told me he was upset because I liked a topless photo of a celebrity on Instagram I'd think he was losing his marbles Grin

Anothernamethesamegame · 08/08/2023 19:45

I wouldn’t like a man doing this, not because I’d think of it as ‘cheating’ but because it’s a bit creepy and sad. Any social media post of a beautiful or scantily clad woman is full of creepy men’s comments underneath. Makes me cringe.