Rant about holidays with little kids

[YukoandHiro]

Fucking hate them. The absolute worst time of all. My DH isn't exactly a glass half full person so between us we're close to jumping out the window as we squeeze into another holiday rental and try to find some fun.
We keep doing it because we feel its important for the kids to see other places and get to the seaside but I come home feeling a total husk.
Reasons I hate it:

1. We always self cater because of dietary restrictions (kids', medical) but it means I do a fuck load more wife work/mental load than even falls on me at home
2. Eldest DC never bloody sleeps in another place so me and DH get zero alone time and she's always totally over tired
3. Someone is always ill. This time it's youngest DC with a fever. Which means I get no sleep either.
4. I'm bone crushingly bored. Of rain, of playgrounds, the freezing seaside, bloody UK hols in general, but refuse to spend so much money gojng abroad when the whole thing is a total shit show and I'd be worried about finding suitable meals for the kids all the time.
5. The constant bickering. At least at home their own toys distract them for a while or I can throw them out in the garden with a lot of water toys.

I travelled a lot before DC and I really miss a "real" holiday. Have just made plans to go away for two night with girlfriends in January and I'm counting down the SECONDS.

I'm waiting for the abuse now, "only got 18 summers with your DC" etc... but I honestly can't wait until they're teenagers. This is just throwing money away while being slightly miserable the whole time...

so don't go if you don't like it!

Self catering sounds crap to me to be fair - i wouldn't do it!

we travel all over the world with our daughter and i've never ever felt that it wasn't worth it or didn't enjoy it - been going since she was 2 months old.

We tag team it and both get down time - let her stay up late and take turns getting up with her in the mornings -

it's better than being at home because we have no work to go to, no house work to do, just chill out and find nice activities to do.

Perhaps you should just stick to days out etc if you feel holidays are so overwhelming. I can only imagine how stressful the food situation must be, most holidays are a break from things like cooking etc so for that to still be such a big part of your holiday I can see why you resent them. Things will get better the older they get but that doesn’t help now. Just don’t go through with it until they are older to cope with it. We all have a vision of what we think we should do for our children but in reality they are just as happy going to the local park for a picnic as they are going away on holiday. Take the pressure off yourself, enjoy some nice days out instead.

also if i was you id just take a holiday with a friend for a week and leave husband to it at home!! i do this about every other year and my husband does too - we also do plenty of weekends away separately

husband and I also leave our daughter with my mum for a week once a year in the summer and we usually go to a music festival on our own for a break.

we do a balanced amount of time with our daughter too = but think couple time and time alone is really necessary

My DS is only 2 but I agree, going away as a family is not a “holiday”. We stay in a holiday park to visit MIL as she lives far away, but it’s hard work.

The last two years I’ve had a short break with my friends, which is my actual holiday. I’m planning to do it most years if I can. Highly recommend.

What I’d add to your list is hearing other people go on about the same sort of holiday as if they were brilliant. They’re not. And I look back now and realise that those people were lying, or lying to themselves. Self catered holidays with young children, especially when the weather is crap, are absolutely shit.

Totally understand that you didn't enjoy those holidays yourself, but it's mad to assume that everyone is like you, and that they're lying to themselves. They're not. It's just that different things suit different families and I can totally see why this kind of holiday isn't working for the OP and her family.

For some families, a self-catering trip to the seaside probably works out really well. But for others, it's just not right for them and they'd be better off either doing something completely different. or not going away at all and just having some exciting days out locally instead.

I mean, I know other people who love camping holidays and wax lyrical about how great it is. I personally would rather die than go on a camping holiday, but that doesn't mean other people are lying when they say they enjoy it.

At 6 and 3 they won't remember any of it so just don't bother if you feel that way.

I think at these ages they won't really remember, so it's not necessarily essential to get them out to all different places in the world, you can give them lots of "different" experiences while still staying at home. Late primary is when most people start to be able to remember things more than the odd flash/formative traumatic memory. I'd say if you really hate the holidays, you could get much the same effect by giving yourself a boosted budget for a few really good day trips say within a couple of hours' drive of home, whether that's beach/theme park/zoo/special museum/water park/city tour (whatever you want to do), and going to stay with family/friends for a weekend or inviting them to yours or something, so you can share the cooking with other adults - just pick people who grasp the allergy thing properly rather than people who are going to make it more stressful!

From about 5/8 or 6/9 it would be beneficial to restart the travelling if you want them to have those wider experiences, as well as being less stressful for you since you don't need to supervise SO closely at those ages compared to a 3yo.

But IME an under 5yo doesn't notice if they are on a day out in France vs a day out in the UK. It doesn't even register for them. And up to about 7 or so they probably understand but they don't really know/care why it is different.

I'm sorry you're having such a crap time - lack of sleep and poorly kids is enough to ruin anything, and I can see how the allergies rein in you options.

To be honest though, I've loved every holiday we've had with our kids since they were tiny. Both DH and I work full time and just having a week or so without the normal pressures and to-do lists, and being able to focus on time with the family is great. We nearly always self-cater and yes we still have to cook and clean up etc but at least we actually have TIME to do that in a relaxed fashion rather the usual frantic rush between work and clubs and endless household chores and the nagging list of un-done DIY projects etc. We've had some lovely holiday days even in shitty UK weather when we've just played board games and watched TV without any of the guilt that normally accompanies not doing any housework or homework. It's a terrible cliche but it's time we actually connect properly as a family.

I ve always enjoyed our holidays with young dc (currently 5 and 1). I think for me the difference is expectations - I've never expected our holidays to be relaxing, but holidays pre-dc were never about relaxing, more about adventure. And DH pulls his weight, and does as much as me with housekeeping and food prep (we do self-catering as we like having a proper house or apartment and separate living space). My dc love seaside days, trips to theme parks and other attractions, travelling to new places and finding out about different customs. I do feel it's important for them to travel a bit especially as I didn't go abroad as a child.

We joke that Covid did my DD a favour. Last year was their first abroad holiday at 5 & 8. It doesn't sound like fun or a good experience for any of you. My eldest GC has a MPA and we found TUI RUIs well marked for allergies. I'd swerve holidays for two years and stick to days out, or a few days seaside break.

I think you and DH need to do a bit of divide and conquer - SC with smalls is never fun but it is meant to be a holiday for both of you. You need to discuss who does what and not just the physical stuff. You mentioned the mental load/wife work around food. So if you need to spend an hour sorting out the food (buying making etc) he needs to take the DC off for a couple of hours by himself so you can sort the food and have a coffee somewhere in peace. Later on in the day he gets an hour whilst you have the DC. Some of the rest of the time have one each. Same applies to laundry. etc etc

I know in the OP's case allergies and illness mean the mental load thing is more real than for most.

But I've never really got the view that self catering is just the same shit in a different place.

The mental load at home isn't so much that I've got to cook dinner. It's that I've got to cook dinner, after getting home from work, picking up a pile of bills when I get in the door, in time to get the kids to cubs, sew on another bloody badge, reply to that birthday party RSVP, trip over the bag of clothes that's been waiting to go to the charity shop and pile of school uniform that needs ironing, then worry about getting the kids to bed in time to crack open the laptop and squeeze in another hour or two of work before I fall to bed in an exhausted heap.

ANY holiday frees me up from 90% of that day-to-day drudge.

I have just interrogated mine about their earliest holiday memories. DS1's is from when he was 9, and DS2's from 6.

YANBU OP it is hard work!

You have my sympathies, I have children with allergies and it really ruin’s holidays. You can’t spontaneously grab food whilst exploring an area. Everything has to be researched and planned which really sucks the joy out for me!

This year I resigned myself to it. I researched and booked in advance a couple of places we could eat at safely. We actually ended up eating at the same place twice but it’s a break from cooking. The other days we self catered which was annoying but necessary. We also took packed lunches most places and then bought treats when possible to make it more interesting!

Me and DH also allow each other to go off alone and eat something more interesting. It’s all a bit limited and boring but managing the things that have to managed means we can enjoy other things. The main problem with my holiday this year was the awful UK weather. We always try and book somewhere near a pool as that’s a reliable back up activity.

Holidays of any kind with kids under about 7 are not really holidays for the parents are they? Just the same work, plus more work and stress on top in my view. We tried it once when we had two under 3 and went to Gran Canaria. After that we stuck to Cornwall and even then it was a faff.
Until they were 10 and 9 and then holidays became enjoyable again!

If you don’t enjoy it then don’t do it. The ideal would be if you had a helpful family member willing to have the kids for a few days. The kids get a holiday at grannies and you and partner could go wherever you fancy.

Or you could divide and conquer. Take a child each and go different places for the weekend or one go away and one stay at home then switch next time. Or just stay home and do day trips. You need to think about what you would actually enjoy.

I’ve been too skint for holidays the last few years so me and my son have gone and stayed at my mums or with a friend for a few nights each summer. Still feels like a holiday to him and I have an extra adult helping and giving adult conversation.

This year family helped us go away for a week to a self catering cottage. All we did was go to beaches with a pack lunch and explore. My child thought he was in heaven because he’s never been on a proper holiday. The big treat was the day we got fish and chips, icecream and a tiny toy as a souvenir. Lower your expectations or do things differently.

Don't discount abroad due to allergies. Do your research, trip advisor, Facebook etc.

We have the following allergies:
Milk
Almonds
Coconut
Peanuts
Fish
Egg (serious, life threatening)

We've managed two abroad holidays now, one to Turkey and one to Ibiza and both hotels bent over backwards to look after us.

I agree with others that this is a very difficult age at the best of times and really, holidays are just childcare in a different setting. We did very few holidays when our DC were that age as we just didn't have the money or the energy. But a few tips for when we did, and for when they get a little older:

Definitely divide and conquer. I know you think holiday should be you and your Dh getting time together, but you need to mostly abandon that thinking for a bit. We survived by taking turns to get a break - I'd be lying on the beach with a book while he took DC swimming. I'd take the DC out while he was taking a little walk and a wander by himself.

Also, assuming money is tight, do fewer/shorter holidays but ramp up the convenience. I agree with a PP re Centreparcs. We've done Butlins, Away Resorts and CentreParc and while they were all nice, from a comfort and convenience perspective, CP was by far the best and worth the extra cash. When we went to EuroDisney a few years ago, we chose one of the nicer hotels with a big indoor and outdoor pool on the basis that we knew that would be a huge benefit for us, and it was. If one child is always going to sleep with you, try for an extra room or, at the very least, king size beds. We have long accepted that holidays are usually me and DD in one room, DH and DS in the other....

I can't comment on the allergies but I do think you should make an effort to look at international travel when they're older. Worst case, they have to eat fairly basic food in restaurants and you probably should self cater mostly, but it is doable. And a lovely villa, with a pool, can make up for a LOT of inconvenience. Also, I'm not sure how you self cater on holiday but while Ilove cooking etc and we prefer self catering, I have a strict, "keep it simple, stupid" while on holiday - I'm not cooking complex meals in three parts. It's BBQs, and hotdogs and pizzas and pasta sauces.

A self-catering holiday by the beach is our ideal holiday! We always go abroad, love just relaxing in the sunshine on the beach all day / by the pool. Self catered allows us total freedom to make breakfast / snacks as we wish. We do plenty of restaurants when we fancy them too. It’s the most relaxing, chilled out way to do it with our young DC.

I remember some pretty stressful ones when they were small- Mine are now 8 and 10 and it’s definitely easier. We still self cater due to fussy tastes though. Do some eating out, especially lunches.

however I have come to the conclusion that abroad is cheaper and easier as most days you just head down the pool rather than weather watch and plan “days out” accordingly. Any kind of paid attraction in the UK is at least £50 per family per day. Warm enough weather to just sit by the pool a lot cheaper.

I would go abroad in termtime when it's a lot cheaper and the temperature is comfortable. You could still go self catering.

Right you need to absolutely shatter them to the point they are too tired to argue and tag team in and out so you get some head space.

Why are you doing this to yourself?

Just do days out and take a packed lunch if it's less stressful. The beach is nice but not in this shit weather. Much nicer to go for the day on the 1 Saturday a year that it's a nice temperature.

Take them on holiday when they're older and will actually enjoy and appreciate it.

What I’d add to your list is hearing other people go on about the same sort of holiday as if they were brilliant. They’re not. And I look back now and realise that those people were lying, or lying to themselves. Self catered holidays with young children, especially when the weather is crap, are absolutely shit

We enjoyed holidays when ours were tiny so I disagree with this. We had no money but would manage camping, YHA or canvas holidays in May half term. They are all affordable.

There are some nice sites nowadays where you can get pop up food stalls or go to a takeaway. So cheaper than meals out but less work.

There's loads of holidays geared towards kids - Center parks, Butlins, Haven. Depends on what you enjoy.

You won't be able to relax like you did pre-children. Why not go with another family?