Rant about holidays with little kids

[YukoandHiro]

Fucking hate them. The absolute worst time of all. My DH isn't exactly a glass half full person so between us we're close to jumping out the window as we squeeze into another holiday rental and try to find some fun.
We keep doing it because we feel its important for the kids to see other places and get to the seaside but I come home feeling a total husk.
Reasons I hate it:

1. We always self cater because of dietary restrictions (kids', medical) but it means I do a fuck load more wife work/mental load than even falls on me at home
2. Eldest DC never bloody sleeps in another place so me and DH get zero alone time and she's always totally over tired
3. Someone is always ill. This time it's youngest DC with a fever. Which means I get no sleep either.
4. I'm bone crushingly bored. Of rain, of playgrounds, the freezing seaside, bloody UK hols in general, but refuse to spend so much money gojng abroad when the whole thing is a total shit show and I'd be worried about finding suitable meals for the kids all the time.
5. The constant bickering. At least at home their own toys distract them for a while or I can throw them out in the garden with a lot of water toys.

I travelled a lot before DC and I really miss a "real" holiday. Have just made plans to go away for two night with girlfriends in January and I'm counting down the SECONDS.

I'm waiting for the abuse now, "only got 18 summers with your DC" etc... but I honestly can't wait until they're teenagers. This is just throwing money away while being slightly miserable the whole time...

@Screamingabdabz I never did either, that's my point...I enjoyed it. If you're determined not to and then feel sour towards people who had the temerity to have a nice time, I'm afraid that's a you thing.

How about holidaying with friends? We, and most of our friends do as it takes some of the pressure off. It’s definitely not for everyone but we go with friends whose children are a similar age. Sometimes do stuff together, sometimes do sepertate stuff.

I'd much rather a large caravan with oven, fridge freezer, 3 or 4 small but usable bedrooms that a premier inn. That sounds like a nightmare and I know it is as we've done it as overnights on the way to eg a Scotland holiday. Are you choosing the right park? I look at park facilities so crazy golf, pool, arcade are essential as well as location for day trips. Evening entertainment also a must, there if you need it. Def agree with buying lots of safe junk food so less prep and things you can do easily on the hob or in an oven tray with foil on to minimise work.

At that age, no I don't think you need to take them away if you really don't want to, and if you're hating every minute of it they'll pick up on that. But, as someone who's taken her DC on holiday regularly from birth I wouldn't do things differently if I had that time again. There is nothing more life affirming (IMO) than waking up in a new place, exploring a different country/culture, eating food you'd never eat at home, seeing things with your own eyes that you never could at home. It's literally mind-expanding. It's exciting. You do things as a family that you wouldn't do at home and that enriches your family life. So I'm a big fan of travel, but only if it's something that YOU enjoy.

You can’t get pissed while supervising a 3 year old though can you

Pissed is the wrong word - but you can have a glass of something to take the edge off how tedious parenting is.

Are their allergies covered by the FIR regulations? They have to be displayed on the packaging / in writing in the EU. I would still check and order what is plainer and low risk...double check everything, even with the chef (my nut allergic friend was given a meal with peanut oil but she could smell it), or let them eat prepacked food for a week with healthy snacks.
The weather makes all the difference, just go abroad

Holidays with small kids are definitely more of a relocation. My youngest is now 3 is it's 1000x easier than previous years to get away and actually have some time to relax.

I definitely agree with a pp in that I'd rather go abroad with guaranteed sunshine (if thats viable) than stay in the UK where it is bound to rain. We self cater, eat out every 2-3 days but there is also the option of takeaways for me and DH once the kids are in bed. And the kids are definitely more tired after a day at the beach or by the pool so they actually sleep pretty well. I think if you can find a good airline that pushes the no nuts policy that may help you relax. The other option in to drive across to France. It's never going to be the holiday you had pre kids, and the first day or two can be a bit unsettled but then I definitely feel it's more fun.

I think your parents probably took you away when you were older. You're unlikely to remember holidays when you were 3, bit childhood kind of blurs into one amorphous time when you were always at the beach/abroad but actually only went 3 or 4 times.

Some people go on holiday with parents and that works. I never have but my parents are not the type to pay for holidays for us all or even want to come! But of it did work out and they are good with the kids that might be fun. I suspect if you had the type of parent who plans holidays abroad and takes the kids away so you can lie in you would already be doing this though.

Quite agree. Genuinely loving our holidays with our daughter, but made to feel like a liar because people think you can't possibly enjoy a holiday with children 🙄

Op, if holidays aren't working for you then don't do it, plan some days out, exciting trips if you still want to do something but don't make your lives difficult because you think should should have holidays.

What you’ve described is nothing like a holiday! Self catering in the UK with small children is work, not holiday.

I think in your position I’d sacrifice a yearly ‘holiday’, do a couple of weekend trips and save up for abroad.

It’s been a while since I had young children on holiday and I don’t know the extent of the allergies you have to cope with, but the TUI holiday villages always used to be good at dealing with these things to British standards.

I genuinely loved holidays with the little kids too! But that was because I was a SAHM and my H had a massive bank job so he was rarely around. Holidays were drudgery but less drudgery than normal life. And we took a black out blind with us EVERYWHERE.

In your situation I would spend my holiday at home whilst they are young, and go out on day trips to the seaside etc.

This is a problem with a very simple solution- just don't go on holiday until they're a bit older! Or ever! As long as you do nice day trips, they really won't miss out.

Well that's the point @cheezncrackers - I LOVE travel, its a bit part of the person I am (or was!) but it's so hard with young children with severe allergies to go abroad. One of them is anaphylactic to egg and milk. In France it's hard enough to get my veggie DH a meat free meal out. I don't think I'd ever risk it with my children. The consequences of something going wrong are huge. And yes, it makes me very sad that their lives may forever be limited like this. I think about it all the time.

Sister in law has two kids with severe food allergies and also have to carry epi pens with them. They have been all over the world, when younger they did self catering French and Spanish camps, brought food with them, translated allergies for restaurants and like people said kids ate nothing but chips some days. They are now as kids older back from all inclusive Spanish hotel, where their travel agent made sure hotel know of allergies and really helped with food. They also still go to restaurants etc for birthday celebrations with us no issues. I am just back from Italy, every menu had allergies listed - himself is not allergic but is intolerant to some things - so this helped us too. Things have improved hugely food wise abroad, go to a travel agency for next year tell them issues and budget, your could be surprised what comes up, i

Clearly these holidays aren’t working for you! I think holidays less frequently but abroad in a very touristy AI would probably be better. It sounds like you want warm weather and beach/pool activities. Anywhere that primarily caters to British tourists will probably be ok with allergies. I also picked up on you saying you squeezed into a holiday rental, surely you need to choose a larger place then? Again possibly holiday less often to afford larger accommodation so everyone can have some space.

Have you tried a city break instead where you can visit lots of new places? Major cities will have places that can cater to allergies. Maybe start from that point and find some restaurants in the uk you could visit and go explore the city they are in.

Just do some nice day trips! Don't need to go on holiday, just go out for the day & then they sleep in their own beds. They won't miss out on anything, you can do holidays when they're older.

What about driving from the UK and taking a car full of safe foods with you? A mate of mine does a huge Cash and Carry shop before she goes to France and they just buy fresh fruit, veg, etc when they get there. Could you do that? There are several countries you can reach via either the Eurotunnel or a car ferry. As you can probably tell, I couldn't imagine 20 years of not going abroad ...

Thank you, this is very encouraging.

I was just gearing up to go for it but then there was the case of the 9 year old who died on holiday in Italy due to a restaurant mistake and it set me back a bit...

The irony is I have non-top 14 allergies and have travelled the world and coped (and to countries where my allergies are non-ubiquitous) but I've never had anaphylaxis so I don't worry so much. Having said that I do know that any IGE allergy can turn to anaphylaxis at any point so my position doesn't really make much sense)

@YukoandHiro Hiro -one of my sis in law kids is anaphylactic to egg and milk too, they have been to France many a time, some years even twice, never had a problem with food there for her? She know 15 and contemplating going next summer and staying with people there for a month. Their lives are not going to be limited. Can your dietician that tehy are going to help with where could be good places to go? Is there discussion boards like mumsnet specific to these issues that you could go onto for help where to go on hols ?

At those ages if we felt obliged to go on holiday I'd be taking them somewhere like Butlins with so much for their age group to do that they fall into bed exhausted every night. No way would I stay in a standard self catering rental and endure all you describe as it's no holiday for anyone.

With respect OP as an epipen user myself and my DD14 I think you are in an anxiety spiral here.

I have travelled everywhere with my DD and it's been fine. Most hotels cater well, the US is brilliant with allergies, as are most European resorts I've been to.

Your current holidays sound exhausting.

Thank you, this helps!

I do see that it will be much easier in a few years, when they can entertain themselves for more than 3 minutes and I do actually get some sleep.

Yes - absolutely agree. Stay home. but make a point of going out every day of the agreed 'holiday' period and doing things your children will enjoy. Or stay home but do different things with them indoors than you would normally if the weather is bad.

It is all about going somewhere that is easy. Granted I don't have the allergy issue but we always self cater and on a holiday might only eat out once. Can completely see how allergies complicate things though and the constant vigilance when away from home and usual brands etc. I'm a scout leader and so have catered for kids with allergies and the responsibility when they are not your own kids is immense!

Eg the Huttopia campsite at Beaulieu in the Dordogne. Quiet, pool, by the river at a safe place to swim, shallow for kids to paddle and muck around, on site and near by kayak hire. Walkable to supermarket for self catering and there is an excellent butcher too plus numerous boulangerie/patisserie. For meat eaters the good butcher can take some of the strain from self catering as they do ready roast chickens and other cooked meats so you can do salad with it so all you need to actually cook is a pan of pasta or rice.

Arena Campsite Pula in Croatia, nice shallow cove for small ones to swim and paddle, deeper sea with loads of fish for snorkeling, walkable to big supermarket for self catering, bus to the town for a bit of sightseeing and Roman ruins.

For us it has always been about being able to be within walking distance of a decent supermarket (and in France a bakery!) Places you can potter. And yes, for many years we navigated by playgrounds.