Rant about holidays with little kids

[YukoandHiro]

Fucking hate them. The absolute worst time of all. My DH isn't exactly a glass half full person so between us we're close to jumping out the window as we squeeze into another holiday rental and try to find some fun.
We keep doing it because we feel its important for the kids to see other places and get to the seaside but I come home feeling a total husk.
Reasons I hate it:

1. We always self cater because of dietary restrictions (kids', medical) but it means I do a fuck load more wife work/mental load than even falls on me at home
2. Eldest DC never bloody sleeps in another place so me and DH get zero alone time and she's always totally over tired
3. Someone is always ill. This time it's youngest DC with a fever. Which means I get no sleep either.
4. I'm bone crushingly bored. Of rain, of playgrounds, the freezing seaside, bloody UK hols in general, but refuse to spend so much money gojng abroad when the whole thing is a total shit show and I'd be worried about finding suitable meals for the kids all the time.
5. The constant bickering. At least at home their own toys distract them for a while or I can throw them out in the garden with a lot of water toys.

I travelled a lot before DC and I really miss a "real" holiday. Have just made plans to go away for two night with girlfriends in January and I'm counting down the SECONDS.

I'm waiting for the abuse now, "only got 18 summers with your DC" etc... but I honestly can't wait until they're teenagers. This is just throwing money away while being slightly miserable the whole time...

Thank you for understanding!!!

I have been around these parts under many guises for twenty two years.

There was a similar thread in those days, MN were harvesting answers and I in my sarcasm made it into print.

When they are little, there is no such thing as a holiday, just childcare in a different climate.

Once you accept that, it gets easier.

Good luck.

OP, I hated self catering holidays with small children and they don’t even have allergies! Give it a rest until they’re, say, almost 5 and 8 and you’ll have a much much better time. Shorter trips as well. Just do a few days at a time, max.

Tbh the allergies stuff is important as it explains the mental load/wife work stuff - but the thread has been derailed slightly as we couldn't afford a big euro trip or to the US or anything right now.
It's more just the "same shit different location vibe" which is deffo to do with the fact that the youngest is still 2.
As I type they are physically attacking each other in the back of true car and my DH has just had to pull over 🙄

Why don't you stay home and go on day trips or try new skills like climbing etc?
Why isn't you oh doing their share of the cooking etc while your away

I think you need to work with the allergies, no be controlled by them.
My Ds also has allergies, carries Epipen etc. He’s only 3. We live overseas and have travelled around various European countries. We also fly back to uk several times a year.

Its relatively easy now as things like nuts, dairy etc are all having to be listed at restaurants so most places are really helpful.
We also eat in hotels etc and I just have to check with them or let them know on booking.
Self catering abroad is fairly easy as you can just buy and cook similar to at home anyway.

If you need to, take allergy information in appropriate language for the trip.

I really recommend kinderhotels in Europe. They are in Austria, Italy, Croatia and some others I think. Cater for families, whilst suiting adults.

Sorry OP, nothing helpful to add, just wanted to say that @crackofdoom post was one of the funniest things I've read on MN for ages 😂😂😂

I know people on here can be judgmental about center parcs but have you tried that? The lodges have decent kitchens so work well for self catering and my kids (similar ages) love the pool complex, it's a bit of insurance against the weather while staying in this country as they spend hours every day in the water. It wouldn't have been my idea of fun pre-DC but it has worked for us in terms of feeling like we're getting a break without going abroad

This! My kids haven’t been abroad as wanted to wait til younger ones at school so no
nappies, buggies etc needed then covid so we’ve just got passports and looking to go next year but not in summer due to the heat so we’ll probably still do a UK break then & do more of a city break later in the year. My kids would be bored stuck in a villa / by a pool or beach everyday as would we - we all like different things. We’ve had some shitty breaks and bad weather etc but made the most of it (especially this year) our kids love it & yes it’s a busmans holiday for me packing, cooking etc (we have did hotels past few years to avoid cooking & cleaning but that obviously costs more) we’ve did all the “crap” places - Haven sites, Butlins, Peppa Pig, Flamingoland etc but it’s what you make it. Just did Alton Towers and a road trip south - soaked most days but my kids were happy. Didn’t cost me much less for a week here than it would abroad all inclusive so it’s not the money for us. Next year might do AT again as my son will be big enough for the rides he missed out on & then away later in the year but they are in no way crap & yes even i enjoyed it (as my kids did) & i didn’t wish we were somewhere else either - not pretending.

We keep doing it because we feel its important for the kids to see other places and get to the seaside but I come home feeling a total husk.

they are 3 and 6 years old - they're not going to remember different places. Wjst they will remember is having mum and dad around and tbh sounds like you'd be better staying at home and having fun days out.

Go to the local park and take a picnic, go to the surrounding imagination play places, go to different swimming pools within a drive from home, get on a double decker bus, let the dc decide which bu to get on and see how far it takes you. Go for a train ride, go to your nearest NT place if thats your bag.

Find out which of the things your dc like doing best - then do them again

Go somewhere you actually want to go! Much better to have one, more expensive holiday that's actually enjoyable, than numerous cheaper options that nobody enjoys.

Also.

Two parents.

Tag team it.

You do your own thing in the morning/ one day. Your partner does their own thing in the afternoon/ the next day. If either of you just wanna stay in and chill with a book, the other has to take the kids out.

Make it work for you.

Due to DD’s ASD and DS’ adhd we’ve made arrangements with friends to travel with a shared nanny / childminder for some UK holidays. In our case we pay a share of fuel, accomodation, then minimum wage to cover 8 hours a day. Works out to be approx 200ish extra for DD which is doable and a life saver as we can then manage DS.

I do think you need to work on your understandable anxieties around the allergies. Your not doing yourself or them any favours making them think life needs to be restricted due to them.

my sister has been an allergy sufferer her whole life. We always went away and when finances allowed ate out. She is an adult now and thankfully things have come so far with places being a lot more aware of what is in the food and able to help more it makes it much easier.

that said holidays aren’t compulsory so why not focus on some great days out locally and maybe when you feel ready start linking in a trip to the cafe at the venue or similar.

Holidays aren't a necessity I don't think, mine are yet to go at 10 & 3! (Apart from 2 nights in a cottage with family, and a week away when my eldest was 4 months old 😂)

I would love to take them, I'm really hoping to do a UK caravan park thing next year like we did as kids, I've been wanting to do it for ages but mine sleep fine away from home, have no allergies and are pretty chill and will go with the flow.

In your case with allergies, preferring own beds etc I would instead look at booking 5-7 days out over 2 weeks, small theme parks, water parks, farm parks, inflata-nation, zoos, paddleboarding/renting a row boat on a lake, beach, cinema etc. A mix of indoor and outdoor so you can book according to the forecast. Take a coolbag with you for lunch and if you are further from home go for a safe restaurant/drive through on the way home. Costs about the same as a proper holiday but with less stress and more control over weather

I say over 2 weeks, but nothing saying it has to be over a short time frame like a holiday, you could do one a week over the summer holidays, that's what we are aiming for, just for us its quite budget conscious days out 😂

Urgh, I hear you. Mine are 5 and 3, eldest has epipens for a peanut allergy although thankfully we've never had to use them. Peanuts are easily avoided, I don't envy you wrt egg and milk.

We went to Spain this year on an AI thing, we've done CP in the past as well. Both fine, both hard work. Holidays with little kids are a bit same shit different place, only you have none of your stuff with you.

Allergies wise, as on FB groups about places that have been good. We found Spain fine, similar to here in that most waiters were clued in, one or two hopeless and a few extremely vigilant.

I do think it's important to show kids with allergies how to work around them in order to have a full life, but I do understand your anxieties

I have one rule when I book holiday , and I think it makes all the difference . I never stay in a place smaller or “worse “ than ours so doesn’t matter where we stay U.K. or abroad it’s always an upgrade . I’m not going away to stay cramped somewhere. My partner never got this when we got together and alway thought I was being a snob , until he started coming in holiday with us and realised if everything goes wrong at least you are in a amazing place e with room , pool , lovely garden etc .
Its the one rule I never give up

Could you go for a shorter amount of time and throw more money at the situation? What I mean is, we do self catering but we don’t really ‘cook’ all that much.

On the way treat ourselves to a big shop at a Waitrose or M&S.
Breakfast: bacon sandwiches on nice bread with high end bacon. Or go to a local bakery and get pastries. Even nice eggs and soldiers!
lunch: always buy when out and about, but you could make a big pasta salad or something easy if you don’t want to buy food out.
Dinner: we eat out half the time or have ‘picky’ dinners with things bought that day from nice farm shops or whatever. Or steak and chips. Or nice high end ready meals (Cook, Charlie Bingham etc.)

Buy a load of nice snacks, take jigsaws, dvds etc so you can have a few chilled out movie days if needed.

Always book somewhere with a dishwasher.

I honestly don’t see how it’s the same level of work as at home, as you’re not working so have loads more time!

The biggest thing I’ve learnt with UK holidays is that you don’t have to do things just because you feel you should. Is the local attraction a crappy museum? Do you care what’s in it? You
dont have to go! It’s so freeing.

For me, I relish just having free time in the UK to do what I want! So if we spend the day at soft play followed by Netflix, that’s fine.

I once went on holiday in the UK with the kids when they were little. Note I said once. Never again!
After that, it was all inclusive abroad every time.
Maybe you could look at self catering abroad if you have dietary / medical needs.
At least then you'll get a pool, a beach, maybe a kids club and almost guaranteed sunshine, and by the time they've done running around all day they might be tired enough to sleep.

We did holidays we wanted when DS was young and portable, we tried a UK caravan holiday when he was 3 and vowed not until he's older it was hideous! We did day trips instead for a few years, an odd overnight in a B&B or hotel if we'd travelled a fair distance, but didn't do another 'holiday' until he was a bit older. They're enjoyable again now, but I'd say if it's not working for you all then don't feel pressured!

Do you have any friends with similar age kids? Can you suggest next year a holiday with them? I find it takes the pressure off in lots of ways. We do a villa holiday with heated pool and a decent size lawn so the kids can swim and play. As there's 4 adults it makes a huge difference, because you can go for naps/read your book and there's still 3 left on duty with the kids. You can rotate cooking/cleaning up, and also these jobs are not as tedious because you usually have another adult helping you who is topping up your wine and chatting, while the others are watching the kids. It's not always you on snack duty or deciding to say fuck it and get the iPads out. You can rotate taking the kids to the local town for ice cream or whatever. We also usually "babysit" for each other in the evening so each couple goes on a date night, and then the women go out for a night out and the men do the same on a different night. I find I come home from these holidays genuinely having had some family time, some alone time, some decent sleep and lots of fun!

I've just been away with my husband, my parents, my baby 18 months and her lovely cousins who are 4 and 12 and their parents. It's so much easier when you've got other kids around (and their parents to take turns with!) You can change the groupings all the time to fit around naps and what people want to do (and to avoid people you can't stand seeing anymore) It's also often cheaper to get a bigger place. We stayed in a holiday park with an indoor pool which was nice as it did rain all week. Do you have any friends or family you could go away with, so you get a bit of a break too?

Honestly from what you described, I would skip the holiday and just do nice day trips from home instead.

Make packed lunches, car trips and get home in the evening when they are exhausted and happy to be in their own beds!

Holidays are a myth! It's not working for your family right now, it may when they are older but you sound exhausted.

Do the day trips tip them into their own beds and open a bottle of wine and celebrate the fun day you had.

I just read your post, it sounds really similar to what we do. We do the babysitting thing too :)

Going away on holiday with small kids is no holiday for the adults involved. It’s so much more work than staying at home.
I feel your pain.