Mixing classes every year - potential for long term harm?

[lonechild]

Having just read another thread about classes being mixed up in junior school and not being placed with friends, it's been a massive trigger for me that I want some perspective on.

This was me, virtually every year throughout infant and junior school and now I have issues with social anxiety, fear of rejection and keeping/making friends. AIBU to think the school was unreasonable to do this and it could be the cause of long term socialisation issues?

Sorry this is long, but to summarise my school journey:

Reception year - Made a best friend almost instantly and we were inseparable all year. Spent a lot of time together both in and out of school.

Year 1 - split up from from best friend in class mix up. Made no new friends that I can remember at all. In fact I couldn't tell you a single classmate from that year. Don't recall any play dates etc from school.

Year 2 - was put back into a class with original best friend, however she had made new friends in y1 who were also in the same class. Remember play dates etc as a group but always felt like an outsider and certainly wasn't "best" friend any more. Made a couple of other friends I remember playing with from my class but not strong ones.

Year 3 - split from all friends again. Like year 1, I couldn't name a single person in this class. Dont remember being invited to others houses or having friends over from the class. Previous best friend stayed with other group and although I continued to play at break times and went to parties/play dates with them, very much felt like an outsider.

Year 4 - new class again. Drifted from the other group but made one friend who I was quite close to. Probably described ourselves as best friends. Spent a lot of time at her house and her at mine. I remember calling each other at night (I still remember her number!) so feel like this was a genuine friendship but - and this is potentially outing hence the name change - she was also given an award, by my teacher, in assembly, in front of the whole school, for “being my friend that week”. I can’t recall with clarity but I guess that was at the start of our friendship. That’s definitely stuck with me as one of the most mortifying moments of my life.

And, you guessed it….

Year 5 - split from friend and she went on to make new ones so the friendship ended. I recall having several friends this year - not necessarily a group of friends but different friends I was close to and spent time at each others houses etc. Remember being quite happy this year and not so much of an outsider.

Year 6 - not put in a class with any of those I was friends with the previous year. Was in the same class as the friendship group with my reception best friend (who had all stayed together throughout junior school). I became good friends with them again.

Secondary - we all went to the same school but there was a max number that could be in the same class from each junior school and I got the short straw so was put into a different class. They stay best friends to this day (with some others from their class). I made good friends throughout my time there but don’t stay in touch with anyone from secondary (or college/uni/old workplaces for that matter) and have always felt like an outsider anywhere I go.

My kids are at a village school with one class so I didn't really think this was still a thing until reading the other thread. Would a school do this nowadays and if so, would you stand for it for your child? I know my parents did fight this on a several occasions but there was always a "reason" why it couldn't happen.

AIBU to think that this could set a child up for long term issues, and this has potentially been the case for me?

I think a large part of it is down to personality. I had composite classes for 2 years in an English primary school in the 90s. I still played with friends at breaktime and made new friends in my class. I'm not the greatest at keeping in contact with people, more a believer that friends get you through a period of your life and then you move on. I have started using Facebook recently and reached out to my best friend from high school. I do admit that my first few days of high school were lonely though. None of my friends went to my high-school so I was on my own at lunch and break times until I made friends but as someone who is naturally shy it took a lot of effort.

My dd1 was in a composite class in p1 and then not in p2. She does find it hard with friendships (very happy with her own company, shy) so we've asked school for help and I've worked on her self confidence and she's much better at asking people to play and showing an interest in others. We also facilitate play dates so she can get to know other kids on a 1 to 1 which she is comfortable with.My son was in a composite class in p1 and will be again in p2. I'm not sure if his best friend will be in his new clas and I rather hope not as it would hopefully encourage him to make other friendships.

There was no reason you couldn't have kept in touch with friends from highs chool, college or uni. You really have put the effort in if you want to maintain friendships or stay in touch at the very least. It's not too late to reach out to people and with social media it's really not that difficult to reconnect. Take the plunge.

Ex teacher in a very small primary, each Yr, depending on how many in a Yr group, different classes were formed ie I could have yrs 234, following Year Yrs 23.
However in larger schools ie one or two full classes per Yr, I've never known them mix classes up unless there were issues between the children that required separation ie conflicts/behavioural.
Seems some schools must do this regularly, but honestly not something I've known in 20+yrs .

I don't live in the UK, and mixing classes every year is the norm (unless you live in a tiny rural area with few students I guess). I couldn't imagine anything more boring than being stuck with the same group of children every day for 6-7 years, no matter how well you got along. And if you didn't get along, it would be an absolute nightmare, and possibly quite damaging.

As for "needing" to stay in the same class in order to keep friendships strong - utter rubbish. One of my DC was part of a tight threesome during primary. They were placed in various class combinations through school and still retained that friendship.

Another DC met his best friend in the last term of preschool. They could go years without being in the same class. 20ish years later, my DC is going to be best man to his friend at his wedding next month.

Composites are quite normal too, and in my experience, a lot of thought goes into placing the children in those classes. My kids thrived in them, despite my own initial doubts.

But then, so are you. The fact is, kids are different. Neurodivergent kids in particular have difficulty forming friendships, and what few they can form are often held on to for a long time. The alternative is loneliness and bullying. You want to talk about healthy?

In my case, my kid has been separated from their best friend for a few years now. So I'm being forced to arrange "play dates" with that best friend where they can freely bond over a shared love of cats and Roblox, offering some respite from her current "friends" who just go on and on about self-harm and worse. Her current class is so stressful to her that she just doesn't want to go to school anymore.

I wish parents had more say in whether or not their kids mix. We know our kids best.

Girls can be like that even if they are together in the same class turn from best friends to worse enemies and back again within a day.

I thought you meant mixed as in having uneven year groups so some children would be in mixed year 5/6, 4/5, 3/4 etc and others may be just their own year group. It is a total disaster especially if your child is year 6 with a load of year 5 kids.

Mixing classes up is really damaging for neurodivergent children.

Mine are at a large ish school where they have about 14 smaller classes, all mixed. So they are all R/Y1 Y1/Y2 etc… it gets a bit complicated.

there are pros:

• my eldest is born in Sept but also has dyslexia. The teachers have been brilliant at adapting work simply because they do it all the time for the varying ages in their classes. He has been able to work to his age group or stick to the basics with the younger students
• likewise my friends daughter who is younger but very clever was able to work with the older students in the class when she needed more challenging.
• you don’t get the same shit every year - DS was having problems with another child and they could easily separate them into different classes. Definitely keeps things more harmonious (as can be at primary!)

cons:

• I sometimes think the younger ones can be held to unnecessarily high standards: I also have an August born ND DS who was being reprimanded for behaviour that is age appropriate IMO. For swinging his legs sitting in church for example.
• it can get confusing and also the age gaps can be HUGE. My 7yo is in a Y1/2 class and my 4yo is in a R/Y1 class so despite being three years apart they have kids the same ages in both their classes which I find insane.

Not all neurodivergent kids.

I was fine with it, as were both of my brothers. I imagine it would not necessarily be an issue for many people with adhd or other neurodivergences but I can imagine it would be difficult for many people with asd.

My children's 2-form entry primary school splits the children in reception by birthday - so one half of the year has the children with birthdays from September to February (say) and the other has the March (ish) to August birthdays. They stay in these classes until year 4.

The classes are mixed for years 5 and 6, primarily so they can get to know more of their comrades before moving to secondary. When the classes are mixed a deal of effort is taken to ask pupils who they want to be with - and to elicit input from parents. There is a lot of respect for not breaking up friendships where this would be harmful.

It's not perfect, but the more I hear about how other schools do this, the better my opinion of this school becomes!

As a teacher (Y3) I can say there isn't much time in class in most schools for friendships to be made. We sit children next to partners who are unlikely to be their friends; they would certainly never get to choose where they sit. The children make their friends at playtime and lunchtimes; in class they are working.