Families are shit here?

106 replies

87to · 07/08/2023 13:10

That's it really

Nobody helps each other, siblings view siblings as unimportant and "not part of their life" mothers watch their offspring struggle.

That's it really.

I finally understand why old people get put in a care home.

OP posts:

GrunkleStan · 07/08/2023 16:08

87to · 07/08/2023 13:38

I think that's an exception obviously And some people do want to go into care homes for community reasons, social etc

But I've worked in a care home many many many years ago and often spoke to elderly women and MEN that felt slighted their children wanted rid of them.

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I think you need to pop over to the elderly parents board - in particular the cockroach cafe thread.

Farahpascalmoges · 07/08/2023 16:51

I think in Britain, it's a class thing.

Where I live, there are working class communities who have lived in the same place for several generations and help each other out as an extended clan. They don't leave.

Middle class people historically were the ones that went to university, displacing them from their family and friends, and often on graduation stayed in their university town or were sucked into the London black hole, where they have no kinship ties or roots and create a "friendship group" as single people to replace what they've lost. Then they have kids and wonder why they have no support.

They are a geographically and socially isolated from the people they grew up with and their family. These are the "nowhere people". No regional accent, no kinship ties, no cultural ties to a particular region. Historically, the reason was they were brought up with standard manners and acccents to drop them anywhere in the British empire where they could function socially with each other.

Farahpascalmoges · 07/08/2023 16:56

VeridicalVagabond · 07/08/2023 13:46

I think lots of families are close and help eachother out, you just won't see it as much on here because of course people are more inclined to post about things they're struggling with.

I mean, do you really want to hear about my life in a huge, mad, happy family of six siblings, twelve nieces and nephews, sixteen aunties and uncles, uncountable numbers of cousins, or what Christmas looks like with this many people crammed in one space? Probably not because it's quite boring! People love a Trainwreck so the posts about awful families gain far more traction than positive ones about big happy families.

Personally, I would love to hear about your big family. It sounds great! You're never going to be alone in this world - how wonderful is that.

Isthiscorrect · 07/08/2023 17:00

I watched my beloved grandma behave very badly to my mother when she was suffering from dementia.
My mother had dementia and we lived overseas whilst she was in the uk. She wasn't married and I was an only child. Hands up I am not a carer. I was never going to be able to care for her. So she went to a lovely care home when she was unable to manage.
Me. I've already discussed with my DH And DS that I will be straight in a care home when I get dementia. I'm terrified I will get it because both my mum and my nana had it. But I will not ask my DH or DS to put their lives on hold to care for me. And that is my choice. I'm not asking for what I couldn't and wouldn't give.

Lesina · 07/08/2023 21:32

Im closer to my husband’s family than I am to my ‘blood’ family… because my in laws aren’t utter cunts :)

CoffeeCantata · 08/08/2023 08:17

Yes, I agree there seems to be a higher proportion of dysfunctional family relationships represented on MN than (I hope) in real life.

Plus friendships - so many people either putting up with awful friends, or taking offence at trivial matters instead of actually tackling the problem with the person.

I hope it's a distorted view.

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