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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to feel like the unpopular girl at school?

68 replies

oysterpots · 27/02/2008 19:42

Went to a baby class thing today where one of the women there made fun of my accent, then leaned over me to exchange mobile numbers with my friend and asked her to a coffee morning on Monday. Then turned her back on me and left.

It's not like I WANT to go to her stupid coffee morning, it's just I thought that by the ripe old age of 31 people wouldn't still be that petty

I mean, even if there was someone you didn't know or like that much, wouldn't you just invite them? Or exchange numbers then call the person you wanted to invite?

OP posts:
flossish · 27/02/2008 19:43

Ignore her - you really wouldn't want a friend like that. pity the woman who has been invited!! I'm sorry you got hurt.

hertsnessex · 27/02/2008 19:43

its just the start..........keep smiling and know you are the better person and wouldnt do this to her.

xxx

sagacious · 27/02/2008 19:44

She sounds a right rude cow, but yes its still hurtful.

I would have invited you !

WorzselMummage · 27/02/2008 19:44

jeez, spill a cup of coffee on the nasty cow !

nickytwotimes · 27/02/2008 19:45

YANBU!
What a rude woman.

mylovelymonster · 27/02/2008 19:47

I've had this too............is your accent too posh?

peanutbear · 27/02/2008 19:47

I could have written your post today but about women at DS nursery its sad isnt it

and I was really hurt too and I am quite hard faced!!

ArmadilloDaMan · 27/02/2008 19:47

how rude

lucyellensmum · 27/02/2008 19:51

i could have written your thread time and time again. Apart from the accent thing - that is beyond rude, so thats a lucky escape, she sounds like a fuckwit. But i have percevered with baby and mother and toddler groups and have (after two years!!) made a couple of friends who i meet up for play dates. I have women who i chat to, and the ones who appeared to snub me at the begning turned out to be the sort of people i would avoid anyway

Wisteria · 27/02/2008 19:51

I always found that women who frequented M&T groups or baby groups seemed to revert to being 14 yr old girls as well........cliquey bitches IME.

It's her shit, not yours, hold your head high - she's probably jealous of you and maybe thought your friend was her friend - ner ner ne ner ne

AbbeyA · 27/02/2008 19:51

It is hurtful but take the attitude that she doesn't sound like someone you want to be friendly with anyway!

peanutbear · 27/02/2008 19:52

So how do you make friends then

luminarphrases · 27/02/2008 19:54

why does this always happen at toddler groups? its bizarre isn't it!

AitchTwoOh · 27/02/2008 19:55

lol, how funny. imagine making fun of someone's accent. actually, this happened to me in a bar i worked in, becuase my accent was 'too posh', which isn't saying much where i live. some people have chips on their shoulders, that's all. are you going back?

lucyellensmum · 27/02/2008 19:56

the friend i made has a little girl the same age as mine, who happened to be wearing the same T-shirt one day, that was about a year ago and DD was invited to her party, slowly there is a friendship developing centred around the DDs playing together. Its nice. Most of the other people i just chat to, some of them i ignore, fuck em. I just think its often a case of becoming a familiar face. I still find M&T excruciatingly cliquey, but there are nice mummies there, its just a case of weedling them out

Wisteria · 27/02/2008 19:56

look around and find the person who smiles at you naturally and in a conspiratorial way, then when you've gone up to get a cup of coffee and a custard cream, sidle back her way

AbbeyA · 27/02/2008 19:56

I found the NCT very good for friendship, peanutbear, when my DCs were preschool. They have meetings in someone's house so you can't get ignored! I was new to the area and didn't know anyone so it was very useful.

neighbour · 27/02/2008 19:59

Oh gawd they sound like a certain school gate "type". . .well, they will be in a few years.

It reminds me of this dinner party. Two lawyers were talking over and around a woman--she was about to become quite important in the government but the lawyers didn't know this. They lawyers said, "You must think we're awfully rude to be talking over you." And she responded, "No, I just think you're bloody boring."

So if it happened to her, it can happen to anyone.

At the school gate you'll find you get mums who make a beeline to you, and then you realize they're heading to the woman next to you. Then they start talking (in quiet voices) about the dinner so-and-so (another mum) has arranged.

I'm never hurt by this sort of thing, because I have a whole social life external to the school. I think that's the trick: to not be reliant upon other mums as your only means to a social life. Because I've found that having children is not enough of a common denominator. Just because you and another woman happen to both have children, doesn't mean you have a single other thing in common.

If they have a problem with your accent, you should DEFINITELY steer clear. They sound kind of embarrassingly provincial, don't you think?

peacelily · 27/02/2008 20:17

I could have written this too about all the F**kwits at M&B/T. Took me back to my rather horrible school days. I was almost uniformly ignored. I've got a posh accent but maybe I'm a bit too "bohemian" for the stuck up idiots round here. Tried smiling, making contributions giving advice, but total cliqueiness and bitchery prevailed.

Have tried smiling at a couple of parents at dds nursery too but just get a look as if I'm mad or something. And i do actually have lots of mates, it's just not many of them have babies! TBH I don't care if these idiot Mums like ME or not I'm more concerned that dd doesn't get ostracised when older because of her weird Mum

M&T is toxic and I'm afraid AbbeyA I had a negative experience with the NCT, equally as cliquey but in a very sanctimonious holier than thou way. It's really knocked my self-esteem and self-confidence TBH so I try to avoid.

AbbeyA · 27/02/2008 20:35

Sorry about NCT peacelily-but still worth a try as they are all different-I was lucky and made good friends.

cupsoftea · 27/02/2008 20:39

what an awful person - you had a lucky escape that she didn't get your number. Just think of all the time you've saved by not talking with her & having to hear all the other stupid things she'd come out with. Next time be sure to avoid her.

mrsruffallo · 27/02/2008 20:43

Peacelily- I had similar experience with NCT.
I didn't find it a joyful experience, put it that way.
I hate the tension in some of these groups.

Luckily, there will usually be at least one other mum that you will click with, and it may just take a little time for you all to find each other

Please don't stop being bohemian, I love seeing other mothers that look different/interesting

littlelapin · 27/02/2008 20:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stuffitllama · 27/02/2008 20:45

all I can say is

I feel for you, it's a bit of a jaw-dropping moment when people are so very thoughtless

she sounds like a sort of competitive type, best avoided

liahgen · 27/02/2008 20:47

come to our toddler group, we are lovely.

sounds like a right bad mannered cow. No loss for you.

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