Psychopath

[Namechange50008]

I've just learnt apparently one per cent of the population is a psychopath.
But generally not in the film way (e.g American Psycho) but in an actual mental health way (e.g high impulsivity/low boredom threshold/egocentric/superficially charming/liars).
There's the Hare Checklist which I've got really into.
But what it boils down is that they don't seem to feel emotions.
I can't comprehend this - I get angry and sad and anxious and all the emotions - and am fascinated. One per seems huge.
Does anyone think they know a psychopath? Genuinely? This isn't an AIBU BTW. I'm honestly just really interested.

Interesting. There's a study suggesting psychopaths like psychopaths: "Do Psychopathic Birds of a Feather Flock Together?" I suppose it makes sense. I would struggle being in a relationship with someone lacking empathy and would ultimately find aspects of their behaviour repellent, whereas a fellow psychopath would likely see it as making sense. Round hole/square peg etc.

I don't believe it was actually about 'control', because in many other ways they could be entirely affable and laid back, it was more about being unable to appropriately process the emotions of anyone defying their express instruction, no matter how petty or inane the instruction or action was.

This would invariably provoke a seething rage in them, they would completely lose self-control, descend into an almost psychotic frenzy. Eyes bulging, barely able to string together a sentence, finger right in your face, and then the blows to the head would begin.

@XDownwiththissortofthingX
@JibbaJab
This is my exH. For him it absolutely was about control though. He admitted to me that he had decided that nobody in the family would be happy unless he wanted them to be, otherwise they would be miserable because he would make them miserable. Nobody could be miserable either, unless he wanted them to be miserable. Being miserable when he had decided they should be happy was experienced by him as a personal affront.

So crying toddlers were treated by him as defiant. Young children asking "Why...?" as children tend to do - punished.

YYY to the bulging eyes, the psychotic frenzy - and I will add: face turned deathly white. lips white and curled to bare the teeth, jaw jutting forward, arms out from his trunk like a gorilla, fists clenched, specks of spit flying from his mouth as he shouted. He could turn it on at the drop of a pin.

I agree that a psychopath is far likely to respect and understand a fellow psychopath, and they would not need to pretend around each other, so that leads to intimacy and a bond perhaps? It would be more authentic at least.

Every post I read helps me so much to understand my father. Like another jigsaw piece popping into place.

He never ever took sides, one of the things I loved about him, as I saw it as fairness - why do you never take sides?

If a very small child is injured and cries, why does/did he get angry? There is no effort whatsoever to help the injured child just red hot rage that it was annoying the hell out of him. He would complain and get very cross if he had to go to the hospital for instance, there was never any actual concern. Is there likely to be genuinely no interest in the outcome for the child?

Can psychopaths feel anything at all when their own child is hurt or injured? He never once responded but I always preferred to think he was ‘stressed’ not actually fuming because it pissed him off. I got used to his indifference, and would hide injuries to keep myself safe from him. Preferring to walk on fractured ankles than risk his wrath telling him.

My father says he doesn’t like me or feel love for me - it feels to be the truth, is this likely to be true? I always hoped when younger he would feel something, is there absolutely nothing?? Not even for a child that is yours?

When he is a charming, jokey mood he likes people to participate, but then savages them, what is the point of that?

I was locked in the loft on my own as a baby and toddler. Can anyone guess why?
He said it was a joke. I still remember the last time he did it, I have a pathological fear of the dark. I think he did it to hurt my mother.

It really does depend on the individual in question. Psychopaths aren’t carbon copies of one another, any more than ‘normal’ people are.

It is entirely possible that he was telling the truth, yes. I don’t know the context in which he said it, so he may be stating the truth, or he may be saying it just to hurt you.

I don’t have children, because I don’t want them. I’m self aware enough to know that it wouldn’t be miraculously different because it was my own. I would find it irritating, and yes, inconvenient. It wouldn’t be personal as in there was something about the child that I disliked, I would just dislike having a child. At best my feelings towards them would be indifference. Conversely I know some do love their child/ren to the degree they’re able to, and others who consider them with the same affection one would consider a pet.

@mathanxiety Yeah can relate to those expressions. Mine never openly admitted it was about control but it was fairly apparent as it extended to everyone, except strangers and the ones they were currently idolizing. To them they were innocent and bubbly.

The majority of mine wasn't like living in constant fear but just this constant merry go round of things aren't right, no matter how good life was it was never enough. They wanted everything instantly, no understanding of you need to build your life and that you can't just have it. Things needed doing and they wouldn't so I would have to set time to do them because nobody else will, oh you're never here, you don't care. I've been gone an hour...but okay I'll be with you. Oh, you never let me have time on my own.

It was with everything and anything, I never knew what mood they were in, what they were thinking it was pot luck but guarantee whatever I did or said it was wrong and it would escalate over something pointless.

I got totally isolated in the end, I couldn't buy anything without approval, never bought my own clothes because they had to pick outfits for me as I couldn't do it right. I couldn't just go out I had to make sure it was okay but even if it was, it wasn't. They could though, could do anything.

The rage is something else, though. Pure raw emotion, no filter whatsoever and their whole body language and face changes. It's quite unhinged, something you'd expect in an asylum on a film. Likewise, the sadness they sometimes express is nothing like I have ever seen before, the rare glimpse of them broken. They can cry endlessly, mine cried for days once and only stopped to sleep.

It's quite sad in a way, I did genuinely love and care for mine and if she was just real with me instead of compensating with all of the mind games, hatred and abuse it would have been fine. Nothing in our life was wrong, we were doing well.

However, that's the same as well if you didn't do all these bad things and treat people that way, you wouldn't have any criticism, blame or fault. You're literally bringing it on yourself.

Thank you. I don’t think it was said to hurt me, but stating the facts that he hates all children. As his child I hoped I would be different, but no.

You made a very good decision, because it appeared to be a living hell for my father. The noise, the toys, the mess, the compromising, the tears, the general endless neediness of small children was just unbearable for him.

My dad told me quite often that he didn't like me, @Remembermynamealways. I don't think he told any of us he loved us. He told my mother he didn't believe I was his child - according to him, this was based on some old wives' tale about pregnancy. But he wasn't stupid, and we all looked like a matching set with his build & colouring, so I assume he was just making up a 'reason' for disliking me which had the additional advantage of making Mum feel wronged.

He did his duties as a father, as he saw them, and I won't say he was all bad. He was a good teacher when he wanted to be, and could be very witty. He was concerned about his family's image, so did a lot of genuinely good parenting where it would show ... and boasted to us that his beatings never left visible marks. He did give Mum a few black eyes: in those days, wives often 'walked into doors' and I guess he knew that.

He periodically tried to kill me - not by assault or poisoning, but by ordering or encouraging me to do things that would likely result in my death. His expression at these times was of lively interest. I honestly don't think he cared about the outcome, he was just interested to see what would happen. He did this with one of my brothers, too, but mostly me as I was the most dispensable to him.

@Remembermynamealways Again, likely narcissist rather than psychopath or a mix, I don't know.

Mine had a life goal of wanting them that was something made clear from the start. This was fine for me as I wanted children too, however they wanted them as soon as possible rather than getting financially secure. We did after a while of trying, which of course was my fault it didn't happen sooner but it was still fast.

The first, no true bond whatsoever right away and I raised them the whole way. Said they loved them, cared for them but said they don't have a bond. Second, totally different and was inseparable and still is now but it's to the point of obsession.

They are treated differently, one is getting a raw experience of the world full of truth, things should not know yet and has a lot of rules and responsibilities. Very much like me, empathic. Other, treated like a prince and can do no wrong and do whatever wants to and nobody else is allowed to care for them. Lovely and sweet but not so empathetic.

In general they are possessions, extensions of them almost and it's again control. They are social tools more than anything, totally different parenting style in public than at home. At home leave them to own devices, while they do what they want to do.

I found they prefer babies and toddlers and I believe this is because they are controllable without own opinions. The attention is higher at those ages from others too. As they get older more hassle, a voice of their own. However, a crying baby or screaming baby doesn't have the same response as most, it's rage inducing rather than say, worry.

Alongside this they hate other children with a passion, specifically preteen and teenagers except those who have some form of issue like themselves that make them broken or need their pity. The care is false though because it makes them look better by showing 'care' to these and everyone around thinks, oh how good they are. If only they knew.

Mine can be extremely horrible and blunt with one of mine. Not to the lengths you have experienced but I'm not there now so I have no idea and I'm worried about that. It is very much akin to treating them like a slave or animal at times.

Can I ask why you're on Mumsnet if you have no children and no desire for them? No hate, just curious

It does have a childfree board, so parents are not the only ones mumsnet seeks as an audience.

entertainment, essentially. Same reason that I use other forums. The same reasons that a lot of people use forums. I enjoy discussion, and it’s interesting to read about the experiences of others.

Clearly a psychopath.

(That was a joke @yetanotherchangeofname I had to, no offense)

My ex husband. Social worker recommended I get sole custody of my children without my asking for it. He seemed normal for a long time, but he was only acting. Turned out to be a very scary person.

Yeah that's fair enough, just seemed an odd choice for a child free person.

That, and I’m clearly a psychopath (credit to @JibbaJab)

Scary to think working as a social worker. Although have to wonder like those cases you hear about in care homes too.

My father has a clinical diagnosis and he is a psychopath, I am not totally sure if he has other conditions as well.

My father didn’t bother pretending to care publicly, he genuinely had no interest in what others thought of him, so he was just as bad wherever we were. I got used to the worried looks and furtive reactions in other adults.

Is your ex dh psychopathic? The favourites thing is very damaging

@Remembermynamealways Oh that's sad to hear I can imagine that was hard to live through.

No but all the indicators are there and this behavior extends beyond me, I was just the one that got the closest. It may come to an assessment as if it goes that far I'll be requesting one for all of us as it's too coincidental and she's doing everything in her power to destroy me and the children's relationship.

I mean as an example I had endless bouts of waking up suffocating I thought it was sleep apnea but I'm not that old and never had it before. Yeah, just openly admitted one day been suffocating me in my sleep for a bit here and there, they found it quite funny.

There’s a few comorbidities it isn’t unusual to see with it, at least in regards to the ones usually studied.

it isn’t uncommon for psychopaths/those with psychopathic tendencies to have children for various reasons. Some will do so because of the image it provides: the ‘family man/woman’, and for assimilation.

Oh my, I can't stop laughing at this thread. The steretypes and stupidity levels are through the roof. Please keep going! I am learning so much

Yes an ex, narcissistic behavior and enjoying breaking someone down slowly emotionally for their enjoyment. They look for a happy bubbly person and enjoy breaking the person's soul. They have no empathy at all, are not happy in themselves or have joy in their life, they can fake it for a while but they really seem to hate others and anyone who is different etc. Not having empathy is a big thing and anyone who hurts an animal when they are a small child is a big red flag. Only regret I have in life is ever getting involved with this person after been single for years as they try to destroy you as a person and make out to everyone else that you are crazy so they look good. No one understands unless they have been through it and it is really hard to explain to others.

Personality disorders are stereotypes. Plenty of wiggle room in there for individuality, to be sure, but all diagnostics rely on typology.

There does seem to be a certain amount of misapprehension and misinformation on this thread: it's an internet forum, what do you expect?

You could always enlighten us with your rigorous insight.

My friend who I talked about earlier in the thread isn't incapable of love. He loves a few family members, and a few other people. It's more muted, maybe, than most people, but it's certainly real. But the vast majority of people he's pretty indifferent to.

My exh did the reckless driving thing on a motorway. I was pregnant. I subsequently miscarried which may have been what he wanted.

I don't currently know anyone with sociopathic personality disorder. A woman in my old work place years ago was very open about herself. She loved people's reaction. She was a compulsive liar, in the six months I worked with her she

1. Had a boyfriend that died of testicular cancer.-not true.
2. Got engaged to Andy Carroll the football player.- not true.
3. Her parents died - not true.

The odd thing was she was local to where we worked and lived on the same street as some of our co workers.....with her very much alive parents.
She told me she was psychic too. I just told her to stay away and that I find her compulsive lies dull and childish.

I don't have time to make friends with these people....they freak my out and I need to know where I stand.