to think that men could easily avoid being 'baby trapped' if they really wanted.

[JosieJewel]

By just making better choices.

BIL has just announced that he and a woman he's been seeing on and off for about a year and a half are expecting a baby. This was presented as happy news to the family but a couple of days ago he complained to DH and I about how he "fully suspects" that he's been baby trapped (believes she wasn't taking her birth control) and doesn't feel completely happy.

When I questioned why he blindly trusted that she was taking her pill he hit me with a "Would you blame the rape victim for not watching her drink closely enough or wearing a short dress?" ....to say I was taken aback by such a stupid response would be an understatement...

I told him that women could not drink on nights out, be wearing a burqa and could stick with friends all night and STILL be raped because it is ALWAYS the rapists' fault. Men can easily and effectively take control of their own birth control and never have to worry.

The only exception is when the man is raped by the woman but this is such a rare, tiny percentage of 'baby trapped' men that I think it's safe to say that the vast majority have just made the foolish choice to put their future lineage in someone elses hands.

I've made sure to tell both my boys that they are never to blindly trust that a woman they sleep with is on the pill and should always provide their own condoms. I don't think it's crazy to think that this is good advice, and that it's so shockingly easy to prevent baby trapping that at this point it's just pure stupidity on the man's part...

Long post I know but interested in hearing thoughts. Am I just an insensitive arsehole? Is their something I haven't considered?

(Probably worth saying that obviously women who do do this are scum and I don't defend those actions whatsoever but still think my point stands)

How would a man taking hormonal contraception cause women to lose control of their reproductive rights? That makes no sense whatsoever.

It's not either/or. Both partners can and should sort their own contraception rather than relying on a partner to do so.

YANBU

My ex husband told the woman he was having an affair with that I baby trapped him. That's not true, we were having IVF. Years later my daughter enjoyed mentioning to her (now stepmother) that she was an IVF baby and watching the cringe on her dads face. My daughter and her father are now estranged. Men do lie about being baby trapped to excuse their crap behaviour.

well tell him to suck it up because theres nothing he can do

Great graphs.

One of the takeaways is of course that just as a man shouldn't rely solely on a woman taking lower quality contraception if he really wants to avoid fatherhood, a woman definitely shouldn't rely solely on male condom use if she really wants to avoid pregnancy, especially if she's not sure about abortion or it's restricted in her area.

Does the source also show the graphs for gold standard contraception (vasectomy and hormonal IUD) as well? Those graphs would look very different. I've just read about a study giving a cumulative eight year pregnancy rate for the IUD of 1.09%. The difference between methods with a user error and methods without is huge.

Man cannot be ‘raped’ by women. The legal definition of rape requires the attacker to use their penis. Women can sexually assault men.

It’s not okay to tell someone you’re on birth control of you’re not.