to think that men could easily avoid being 'baby trapped' if they really wanted.

[JosieJewel]

By just making better choices.

BIL has just announced that he and a woman he's been seeing on and off for about a year and a half are expecting a baby. This was presented as happy news to the family but a couple of days ago he complained to DH and I about how he "fully suspects" that he's been baby trapped (believes she wasn't taking her birth control) and doesn't feel completely happy.

When I questioned why he blindly trusted that she was taking her pill he hit me with a "Would you blame the rape victim for not watching her drink closely enough or wearing a short dress?" ....to say I was taken aback by such a stupid response would be an understatement...

I told him that women could not drink on nights out, be wearing a burqa and could stick with friends all night and STILL be raped because it is ALWAYS the rapists' fault. Men can easily and effectively take control of their own birth control and never have to worry.

The only exception is when the man is raped by the woman but this is such a rare, tiny percentage of 'baby trapped' men that I think it's safe to say that the vast majority have just made the foolish choice to put their future lineage in someone elses hands.

I've made sure to tell both my boys that they are never to blindly trust that a woman they sleep with is on the pill and should always provide their own condoms. I don't think it's crazy to think that this is good advice, and that it's so shockingly easy to prevent baby trapping that at this point it's just pure stupidity on the man's part...

Long post I know but interested in hearing thoughts. Am I just an insensitive arsehole? Is their something I haven't considered?

(Probably worth saying that obviously women who do do this are scum and I don't defend those actions whatsoever but still think my point stands)

Apparently the male pill hasn't taken off because the side effects are deemed unacceptable (the side effects being similar to those experienced by women who take hormonal contraception). Poor little lambs 🙄

www.bbc.com/future/article/20230216-the-weird-reasons-male-birth-control-pills-are-scorned

My ex also accused me of babytrapping him. 3 times.

Fool me once, shame o you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.
Fool me three times, what kind f utter idiot I must be. Like seriously, thick as mince.

What a delight he sounds!

He is a prat. He should be using condoms and his Gf is a fool because she should be insisting on condoms too. No doubt neither of them had a sexual health test before sleeping together. No sympathy for either of them.

It's not that there is no demand, it's because the bar for trial success is a lot higher - not because of sexism (which is usually the claim), but because of the way medical trials are conducted.

Basically, trials are concerned with the medical safety of the patient - the person taking the drug - and this is evaluated in the context of the condition that it's designed to prevent. Pregnancy is a life-threatening condition for women (especially in the USA...), and so the side-effects of hormonal contraception are evaluated in that context - there's a certain amount of "acceptable loss" in terms of health relative to potentially life-threatening or life-altering medical consequences of pregnancy.

However, for the male pill, the woman isn't the patient, and so the "acceptable loss" in terms of side-effects is much, much more tightly controlled.

Whether this is right or wrong is up for debate, and I think there should be a lot more in the way of discussion of it because it stands in a really grey area for medical ethics. However, to say that the trials barely progress because there's so little demand is completely wrong and obscures the true issue; and if more people knew the reality of why the trials don't often progress, there would be more opportunity to change it.

Yanbu. My good friend still says she fell pregnant on the pill, when she told me at the time she had stopped taking it as she wanted a baby. They are married now so it worked out OK. Men need to not listen to broody woman.

You sound like you know more about it than me, and I'm sure you do, but I can't help but think that if men in general were seriously clamouring for a way for them to control their own fertility easily with something like the implant, then trials to find low risk hormonal contraception methods would be higher.

Instead, we're left with them acting like passive little lambs who believe that contraception isn't their problem and using the entrapment like to justify being a disinterested parent.

@JosieJewel

"The only exception is when the man is raped by the woman"

In the UK a woman cannot rape a man.

Lots of men want no strings condom free sex, but they seem too thick to understand that it is likely to produce a baby, especially if it's with a woman they don't know well/trust.

If he's man enough to have sex then he's man enough to be a father so step up to the plate .
This is the risk he takes every time he had sex . Contraception can fail .
This may also be the best thing to happen to him . It depends on his attitude.

That's just it - hormonal treatments for anyone are, by their very definition, not low-risk because they change the body's behaviour in ways it wasn't built for.

Ask yourself this: how many low-risk hormonal treatments are there for women?

(answer: almost none)

And let's not forget, women can be absolute shitbags when it comes to this too. Last time I spent any time in the TTC area on here (lurking a few years back), there were a worrying number of posts suggesting the pin-in-a-condom approach to fix the problem of guys insisting on contraception.

there were a worrying number of posts suggesting the pin-in-a-condom approach to fix the problem of guys insisting on contraception.

I've seen the opposite. One or two posts, and then hundreds telling them that's shit.

Men bloody love this scenario because they get to have a baby to prove their fertility and show off about and engage with when they fancy it, but they don't feel the need to actually take on any parental responsibility or pay for their kid because 'baby trapping'

Your BIL is an idiot and rather than just accept his idiocy has to make himself out to be the victim. Urgh, why are some men incapable of taking responsibility for their decisions, having sex without a condom isn’t a fu#%king human right. I feel sorry for any child having your BIL for a father.

Reproduction is always a risk when a man and a woman have PIV sex. Men know how babies are made, they know there is a risk, even with contraception. They know it isn't their choice after conception whether to continue the pregnancy or not.

I have no patience for men who have PIV sex with women and then complain if a baby results.

Things may well have changed since I was in there last (it's not something I'm particularly interested in at this point).

Although...I would personally say that even a couple of posts recommending it as an approach is too many.

I forgot that the legal definition of rape didn't include this here in UK...

I guess I'll rephrase and say "the only exception is when a pregnancy is the result of the man being seriously sexually assaulted by the woman"

What an idiot 🙄

Baby trapping is a BS excuse used by men who don't want to admit that their irresponsible orgasms cause pregnancies. The most reliable form of contraception is a condom. If a man doesn't want to use it then that's his own stupidity 🤷🏽‍♀️

The most reliable form of contraception is a condom

No it is not.

Sterilisation is, then IUD's, then hormonal contraceptives, and then condoms and diaphragms.

My friend”s ex tells all and sundry about how she baby trapped him . Both kids were, wait for it, IVF babies. Some men will spin any narrative to avoid taking responsibility.

What a pathetic knob. You're not being insensitive. All he needed to do was put a condom on.

women on here, a site of millions of women,

well, likely not millions of women really, more like millions of usernaes and 4 women with a lot of free time on their hands

Baby trapped is bullshit however, if you put your dick in it, you are responsible. Men know that a woman might not take the pill, so it's his responsibility to look out for his own safety there, just like they always tell us that we are responsible for not waling alone at night.

Like if i was a man, i would wear a condom if i was certain i didnt want kids. We have to conform to this, so should they.

I also consider that there is NO such thing as baby trap and men who suggest it are insane... condoms are so widely available. If he really didn't want a baby he could have eliminated every risk with condom use.