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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Took nephew on holiday for 2 weeks - got no thanks?

91 replies

3plusonekids · 06/08/2023 12:01

We are a family of 5, and have been going to my husbands families villa in Italy, for our last 3 abroad holidays. This yeah we invited our 13 year old nephew, on my side. He’s a lovely lad, and it went really well. Family paid for the flight and contributed to what it would cost us extra for eating out etc. he was treated exactly the same as our 3 children, extra treats and money given when shopping etc. a nice holiday, all in all… although I didn’t realise that an extra head would matter that much but it was harder work.
fast forward and we’re home a week ago. We dropped him off, I said thanks for making our holiday lovely etc.
Since, we have seen my DB and SIL but there has been no ‘thanks’
I’m not sure if they thought they were doing us a favour as he is lovely and plays with our children etc and like I say, they did contribute financially toward the holiday.
plus we brought gifts home for his siblings also, but no thanks there either.
I feel like it’s eating me up, as we’re a close family and I’m flummoxed as to why such a big thing hasn’t been acknowledged.
WWYD
AIBU?

OP posts:
Orangello · 06/08/2023 21:34

Yeah they were pleased

So they said maybe 'oh so nice of you' or 'we really appreciate it' or something similar, from what you could understand they were pleased and appreciated the offer?

NoSquirrels · 07/08/2023 08:33

3plusonekids · 06/08/2023 18:02

Yes, but still nothing about thank you just asking us how it was etc

Show quote history

I find it a bit odd that you didn’t do some sort of polite fishing for a thank you, if it’s so important to you. When you were talking about the holiday, you could have said ‘Did DN say he had a good time?’ And that would surely have prompted them to say ‘Oh yes, thanks.’

Zanatdy · 07/08/2023 08:38

I’d personally send some flowers/choc etc to say thank you but that’s just me. Manners cost nothing and not even thanking someone who takes your child on holiday is shocking in my book. I wouldn’t say anything though, I think it’s not worth the family argument, best to move on

dontgobreakingmy · 07/08/2023 08:41

I'm huge on please and thank you!

If I was your sister I'd have said thank you so much and then would probably have asked my nephew if he'd thanked you too.

MiniCooperLover · 07/08/2023 08:45

On one hand yes I think they should have done a specific thank you, etc. but on the other you sound a little odd. It's your nephew, an extended part of your family and they'd already paid towards him. Did they say thank you when you asked if he'd like to go? Already saying it won't be reciprocated (therefore punishing the child who has done nothing wrong) is very petty.

wafflyversatile · 07/08/2023 08:52

I find over gratitude quite annoying.

I agree that probably the moment passed because they weren't there when you dropped off. I'm sure they are thankful you did a nice thing for their son.

But also it sounds like from their pov this was something you wanted to do, not something you were doing to help them out or do them a favour they wanted.

If I invited one of my nibblings to come stay with me for a few days I don't think I'd expect a thank you from my sister or notice if she didn't say it.

feathers7 · 07/08/2023 08:58

Of course they should have said thank you! Simple, basic manners. Regardless of who paid for what, you took their son on holiday with you and took care of him.
I can't imagine not thanking a sibling for doing that for one of my children.

Magneta · 07/08/2023 09:20

It's a bit weird they didn't, but with lack of any other info I think you should assume it just fell down the gap with them not being home when you dropped him off.

Is there a chance that with your over-thanking, you went large on the whole "oh it's no trouble, it will be easier to have him, he'd be helping us out, he's been such an angel he's made our holiday" angle to the extent that they genuinely thought they were doing you a favour? Maybe not even consciously on their part, but if they were part of a big thanking conversation it might feel like that bit has been done? Or as PP has suggested, they might have said things Iike he's had a lovely time, or you're very kind, that implied thanks without saying the word.

It's also possible that they missed him a lot more than they'd anticipated, were maybe regretting him being away so long and were just a bit preoccupied with getting him back. They still should have said thank you, but if they are generally nice people you can rationalise it a bit.

Raaasaur · 07/08/2023 12:40

I have no advice OP, but mumsnet can be a strange place! On this thread it’s (sometimes) deemed acceptable to take nephews/Nieces on holiday for 2 weeks without a word of thanks, and on others a strung out mother is called entitled for wishing her parents/siblings/someone would take her children for an hour to give her a break!

Original poster
3plusonekids · 07/08/2023 16:19

Raaasaur · 07/08/2023 12:40

I have no advice OP, but mumsnet can be a strange place! On this thread it’s (sometimes) deemed acceptable to take nephews/Nieces on holiday for 2 weeks without a word of thanks, and on others a strung out mother is called entitled for wishing her parents/siblings/someone would take her children for an hour to give her a break!

Thank you for this! Glad it wasn’t just me! 😫

OP posts:
Original poster
3plusonekids · 07/08/2023 16:20

wafflyversatile · 07/08/2023 08:52

I find over gratitude quite annoying.

I agree that probably the moment passed because they weren't there when you dropped off. I'm sure they are thankful you did a nice thing for their son.

But also it sounds like from their pov this was something you wanted to do, not something you were doing to help them out or do them a favour they wanted.

If I invited one of my nibblings to come stay with me for a few days I don't think I'd expect a thank you from my sister or notice if she didn't say it.

It wasn’t a few days.

OP posts:
Original poster
3plusonekids · 07/08/2023 16:21

MiniCooperLover · 07/08/2023 08:45

On one hand yes I think they should have done a specific thank you, etc. but on the other you sound a little odd. It's your nephew, an extended part of your family and they'd already paid towards him. Did they say thank you when you asked if he'd like to go? Already saying it won't be reciprocated (therefore punishing the child who has done nothing wrong) is very petty.

You’ve completely misunderstood I think. Thanks for calling me odd though #bekind

OP posts:
OhComeOnFFS · 07/08/2023 16:23

So many rude people on MN - over 30% think you're unreasonable to expect someone to say thank you!

KatharinaRosalie · 07/08/2023 16:27

I've taken my niece on so many trips and not sure if my sister has ever specifically said thanks. Maybe, maybe not, we don't care. It's family and if she started sending me chocolates and flowers for the 'favour', like suggested here, I'd think she's gone bonkers. But we have a close relationship and don't need formal expressions of gratitude - I just know that she will be there for me whenever needed.

And if there was an issue that keeps nagging you for days and days, can't you just talk to your sibling? 'Hey, it bothers me if I do something nice for you and it goes unacknowledged?' instead of steaming and stewing.

Clymene · 07/08/2023 16:29

They're rude.

CurlyTandtheTangles · 07/08/2023 16:34

I don't understand those who think you'd not say thanks to family who took your child away to a villa for a brilliant time for a fortnight.

And I'd be wanting a chat to hear about what they'd been up to, see photos etc.

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