Page 2 | Took nephew on holiday for 2 weeks - got no thanks?

3plusonekids · 2023-08-06T11:01:21+00:00

We are a family of 5, and have been going to my husbands families villa in Italy, for our last 3 abroad holidays. This yeah we invited our 13 year old nephew, on my side. He’s a lovely lad, and it went really well. Family paid for the flight and contributed to what it would cost us extra for eating out etc. he was treated exactly the same as our 3 children, extra treats and money given when shopping etc. a nice holiday, all in all… although I didn’t realise that an extra head would matter that much but it was harder work. fast forward and we’re home a week ago. We dropped him off, I said thanks for making our holiday lovely etc. Since, we have seen my DB and SIL but there has been no ‘thanks’ I’m not sure if they thought they were doing us a favour as he is lovely and plays with our children etc and like I say, they did contribute financially toward the holiday. plus we brought gifts home for his siblings also, but no thanks there either. I feel like it’s eating me up, as we’re a close family and I’m flummoxed as to why such a big thing hasn’t been acknowledged. WWYD AIBU?

Sureaseggs44 · 06/08/2023 17:44

Having just had something similar , but actually I think even ruder I get where you are coming from . I agree you should never do things for the grand gesture and fawning 🙏. But when basic manners are missing it’s very irksome and I for one will not be repeating the gesture .

rookiemere · 06/08/2023 17:44

They paid for his flight and his expenses. Therefore whilst it was nice to take him, I can see why they don't think further thanks are required.

FeedHedgehogsCatBiscuits · 06/08/2023 17:45

I wouldn't invite him again.
So many people don't say thank you anymore.

Original poster

3plusonekids · 06/08/2023 17:45

EscapeTheCastle · 06/08/2023 17:36

I wonder if just taking one of the kids has caused some problems at home?

It really hasn’t, but I appreciate where you’re coming from.

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Original poster

3plusonekids · 06/08/2023 17:47

CrapBucket · 06/08/2023 17:42

I think they think they have said thanks. If they had been home when you dropped him off they would have said thank you. But that moment didn’t happen and prompt a thank you, and now it’s passed and too late for their minds to think ‘did I say thanks’. My advice is to pretend to yourself that they did say thanks, or it will really piss you off. I’m sure they are thankful.

This is good advice. Thank you.

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alexdgr8 · 06/08/2023 17:47

nobody likes to feel taken for granted.
it is an unpleasant feeling, esp from people who are meant to be your allies.
you feel used, as if they don't value you as a person, just use you to get something.
my sympathies, OP.
sorry, don't know what to suggest.
did the child himself thank you.
or hasn't he been brought up to be grateful.

toomuchlaundry · 06/08/2023 17:49

When you met after the holiday did you mention the holiday at all?

AtrociousCircumstance · 06/08/2023 17:50

Can you get your mum to say “You did say thank you didn’t you? That was so lovely of them - get them a bottle of wine!”

AtrociousCircumstance · 06/08/2023 17:50

(Or someone in the family)

Ponoka7 · 06/08/2023 17:53

Did they say thanks when you invited him/he was setting off, or showed any gratitude? That should be enough. They wasn't home when you dropped him and now time has passed.

PinkiOcelot · 06/08/2023 17:56

Didn’t he thank you himself? He’s old enough to.
Saying that, if it were my sister/sil I would have thanked them too.

LizzieSiddal · 06/08/2023 17:57

Do they have form for never saying thank you? I had similar with my BIL/SIL. I used to have my niece come to stay at mine during summer holidays, I did it for 3 years.
I took time off work, paid for everywhere we went, food etc. never got a single thank you from her parents.

It really pissed me off the first year but then remembered they’d never said thank you for any gift we’ve given their Dc so I really shouldn’t expect one ever.

Some people are just rude.

Original poster

3plusonekids · 06/08/2023 18:02

toomuchlaundry · 06/08/2023 17:49

When you met after the holiday did you mention the holiday at all?

Yes, but still nothing about thank you just asking us how it was etc

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Original poster

3plusonekids · 06/08/2023 18:04

LizzieSiddal · 06/08/2023 17:57

Do they have form for never saying thank you? I had similar with my BIL/SIL. I used to have my niece come to stay at mine during summer holidays, I did it for 3 years.
I took time off work, paid for everywhere we went, food etc. never got a single thank you from her parents.

It really pissed me off the first year but then remembered they’d never said thank you for any gift we’ve given their Dc so I really shouldn’t expect one ever.

Some people are just rude.

No, it’s pretty out of character tbh. The more I think about it maybe they don’t feel the need to say thanks as they contributed? But trust me, it wasn’t a huge amount. I think I need to just move on from it. Thanks for your reply.

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Original poster

3plusonekids · 06/08/2023 18:05

PinkiOcelot · 06/08/2023 17:56

Didn’t he thank you himself? He’s old enough to.
Saying that, if it were my sister/sil I would have thanked them too.

Was super polite on holiday but no he didn’t say a specific thank you.

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Poivresel · 06/08/2023 18:06

LizzieSiddal · 06/08/2023 17:57

Do they have form for never saying thank you? I had similar with my BIL/SIL. I used to have my niece come to stay at mine during summer holidays, I did it for 3 years.
I took time off work, paid for everywhere we went, food etc. never got a single thank you from her parents.

It really pissed me off the first year but then remembered they’d never said thank you for any gift we’ve given their Dc so I really shouldn’t expect one ever.

Some people are just rude.

Dh’s db and his dw are just the same. Bizarrely they pride themselves on doing things correctly and yet never in 40 years have they thanked us for gifts. Once they left their dc shoes and I had to post them first class next morning, not only did they not offer to pay the postage they didn’t tell us if they’d received them until we checked!

Original poster

3plusonekids · 06/08/2023 18:07

alexdgr8 · 06/08/2023 17:47

nobody likes to feel taken for granted.
it is an unpleasant feeling, esp from people who are meant to be your allies.
you feel used, as if they don't value you as a person, just use you to get something.
my sympathies, OP.
sorry, don't know what to suggest.
did the child himself thank you.
or hasn't he been brought up to be grateful.

I just feel really upset about it. I won’t be doing it again. I know what I would have been like if it had have been my son, I would have been totally over grateful

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UltramarineViolet · 06/08/2023 18:11

It is rude not to at least say thank you when you dropped him off but I would probably give them the benefit of the doubt if they are normally pleasant and polite and assume they perhaps have other stresses at the moment that you are not aware of

Did your nephew say thank you?

Orangello · 06/08/2023 18:13

I don't get it honestly. It's close family. We pretty much always holiday with my niece and it has honestly never occurred me to expect special acknowledgement and thank you cards.

Italianasoitis · 06/08/2023 18:13

It's not the just money though. It's being fully responsible for someone else's child for 2 whole weeks. It's a big undertaking, and not one that I would consider consider lightly. It's the mental load of every kind of cognitive and practical process that goes into caring for any minor.

Are they OK? Have they eaten enough? They've been gone a while, I wonder if they're OK? Are they missing home? Are they feeling left out? Can they swim OK? How vigilant do I need to be around the pool? Do they need money? Are they bored? Do they need suncream? I mean, a 14 year old doesn't need an adult fussing over them to this extent, but these thoughts would flash through my mind regardless of the age. If I'm looking after someone else's child, I'm almost on more high alert than with my own.

Yanbu

itsjustlikeyousaiditwouldbe · 06/08/2023 18:13

3plusonekids · 06/08/2023 18:04

No, it’s pretty out of character tbh. The more I think about it maybe they don’t feel the need to say thanks as they contributed? But trust me, it wasn’t a huge amount. I think I need to just move on from it. Thanks for your reply.

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If it's out of character for them to not say thanks is there something they might be pissed off about ? Not that that makes it ok, but might explain it?

Sostuckup · 06/08/2023 18:14

They paid for his fare and expenses. I'm not sure why you expect some special thanks for this. It's quite a normal thing to take an extra cousin or so on holiday.

Italianasoitis · 06/08/2023 18:15

Orangello · 06/08/2023 18:13

I don't get it honestly. It's close family. We pretty much always holiday with my niece and it has honestly never occurred me to expect special acknowledgement and thank you cards.

Why can't close family say thank you? I say thanks when my mum cooks me dinner or takes something back to the shop for me, or if they even watch my kids for half an hour, I still say thank you. If anyone in my family took one of my kids on holiday I would still say thanks.

Someoneonlyyouknow · 06/08/2023 18:17

You could try to talk about the holiday again, next time you see them, but it does sound as if, in their minds, they have already thanked you. I expect they thanked their son for the gifts. If they were looking after your cat or watering your plants while you were away thank them again for that and see if it triggers a round of gratitude. Then move on (or tell them openly you feel hurt because they haven't actually thanked you).

Orangello · 06/08/2023 18:17

Why can't close family say thank you? I say thanks when my mum cooks me dinner

of course they can, DH and I also normally say thanks for cooking when the other one has made dinner. But wouldn't make an issue out of it if occasionally one didn't.