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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Took nephew on holiday for 2 weeks - got no thanks?

91 replies

3plusonekids · 06/08/2023 12:01

We are a family of 5, and have been going to my husbands families villa in Italy, for our last 3 abroad holidays. This yeah we invited our 13 year old nephew, on my side. He’s a lovely lad, and it went really well. Family paid for the flight and contributed to what it would cost us extra for eating out etc. he was treated exactly the same as our 3 children, extra treats and money given when shopping etc. a nice holiday, all in all… although I didn’t realise that an extra head would matter that much but it was harder work.
fast forward and we’re home a week ago. We dropped him off, I said thanks for making our holiday lovely etc.
Since, we have seen my DB and SIL but there has been no ‘thanks’
I’m not sure if they thought they were doing us a favour as he is lovely and plays with our children etc and like I say, they did contribute financially toward the holiday.
plus we brought gifts home for his siblings also, but no thanks there either.
I feel like it’s eating me up, as we’re a close family and I’m flummoxed as to why such a big thing hasn’t been acknowledged.
WWYD
AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
3plusonekids · 06/08/2023 18:18

Italianasoitis · 06/08/2023 18:15

Why can't close family say thank you? I say thanks when my mum cooks me dinner or takes something back to the shop for me, or if they even watch my kids for half an hour, I still say thank you. If anyone in my family took one of my kids on holiday I would still say thanks.

Show quote history

This is me, I say thank you for everything to all in my close family.

OP posts:
calmcoco · 06/08/2023 18:19

3plusonekids · 06/08/2023 17:21

Thanks for all of your replies, really appreciate it. I’m the type of person to be super thankful and grateful so I think that’s why I’m hurt by it. I’m not sure whether to approach it or not really or just keep my distance for a week or 2.
we are a pretty close family so I’m just hoping I can keep it in as what else can I say - ‘Are you not going to say thank you?’
im absolutely not bothered about a gift or a grand gesture at all, just an acknowledgment and a thanks.

You're 'super thankful' but maybe they're just different?

Do you love them, are they a positive in your life, are they generally nice to you?

This just sounds a bit petty if they're good people.

familyissues12345 · 06/08/2023 18:21

My parents are currently travelling back after taking DS2 away for 4 nights, they refused any form of help with costs - wouldn't even accept us paying for the taxi to the airport as we weren't able to drop them off.

We've bought nice chocolates for them, as a thank you, but also as a congratulations for surviving 5 days of DS2... Grin

We're taking our nephew away later this month, as a treat for him but also to do us a favour as he is very close to DS2 so he'll keep him company. SIL couldn't have been any more grateful, she's paid for some activities for the boys (wanted to pay more but we declined)

Shocking behaviour by your family OP, I'd be disappointed too!

Octosaurus · 06/08/2023 18:21

3plusonekids · 06/08/2023 12:01

We are a family of 5, and have been going to my husbands families villa in Italy, for our last 3 abroad holidays. This yeah we invited our 13 year old nephew, on my side. He’s a lovely lad, and it went really well. Family paid for the flight and contributed to what it would cost us extra for eating out etc. he was treated exactly the same as our 3 children, extra treats and money given when shopping etc. a nice holiday, all in all… although I didn’t realise that an extra head would matter that much but it was harder work.
fast forward and we’re home a week ago. We dropped him off, I said thanks for making our holiday lovely etc.
Since, we have seen my DB and SIL but there has been no ‘thanks’
I’m not sure if they thought they were doing us a favour as he is lovely and plays with our children etc and like I say, they did contribute financially toward the holiday.
plus we brought gifts home for his siblings also, but no thanks there either.
I feel like it’s eating me up, as we’re a close family and I’m flummoxed as to why such a big thing hasn’t been acknowledged.
WWYD
AIBU?

Why should they thank you? You offered, they paid, if you didn't want to do it then why did you offer. He's your family, you're being fussy imo! Sounds like it went well.

whynotwhatknot · 06/08/2023 18:21

i say thankyou to my dad for having me over still its just polite

its the mental load op took on its not just about money

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 06/08/2023 18:23

I took my 9yo niece on holiday last Easter, my brother and my sil both text me once she was home to say thank you for taking her.

It's just good manners and would irk me as well op.

RicksTheHunk · 06/08/2023 18:24

It’s not just about the money etc though. It’s the responsibility, making sure suncream is on, he’s safe etc etc….pretty rude not to thank you for that.

Cucucucu · 06/08/2023 18:26

Why do you need a thank you ? We had my partners niece with us a whole week on holiday , we ate out every day and nobody contributed ( and I would have not accepted if they did as it’s my choice to ask her if she wants to come ) .
I never expected a thank you , it’s family , it’s not needed .

SoCentralRain · 06/08/2023 18:26

Sostuckup · 06/08/2023 18:14

They paid for his fare and expenses. I'm not sure why you expect some special thanks for this. It's quite a normal thing to take an extra cousin or so on holiday.

Yes it is normal to take a cousin on holiday, it’s also normal to say thank you!

caringcarer · 06/08/2023 18:30

Did your nephew say thank you for taking him on holiday? I often take my niece for 4-5 weeks to stay in our holiday home. She is the same age as Foster Son and they get on so well together liking the same things like kayaking, snorkeling and climbing Go Ape type activities. It's honestly easier to take them both than just Foster son alone. She always says "thank you Aunty X for giving me a nice holiday I had the best time", when we drop her home. I don't really expect her parents to thank me too even though they do.

Italianasoitis · 06/08/2023 18:32

Octosaurus · 06/08/2023 18:21

Why should they thank you? You offered, they paid, if you didn't want to do it then why did you offer. He's your family, you're being fussy imo! Sounds like it went well.

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Being responsible for someone else's child for 2 weeks is worth a thank you, especially if they were the ones who offered.

Pinkitydrinkity · 06/08/2023 18:45

They should definitely have said thank you at some point.

I’m more shocked at nephew not saying thank you for himself though - 13 is definitely old enough!

viques · 06/08/2023 18:45

It doesn’t matter that they paid for the flight, gave you money for the food.

You looked after their child for TWO weeks, fed him, entertained him, brought him home undamaged. I would expect someone to thank me if I was looking after their bloody goldfish for two weeks and kept it alive, let alone a child.

Northernparent68 · 06/08/2023 19:04

Perhaps they thought you’d enjoyed his company and didn’t expect thanks, particularly as you didn’t actually do anything

WasJuliaRight · 06/08/2023 19:04

Are you sure that they didn’t say anything before the trip?

EmilyBrontesGhost · 06/08/2023 19:09

3plusonekids · 06/08/2023 18:04

No, it’s pretty out of character tbh. The more I think about it maybe they don’t feel the need to say thanks as they contributed? But trust me, it wasn’t a huge amount. I think I need to just move on from it. Thanks for your reply.

Show quote history

If it's out of character then probably they both think the other has said thank you.

They were both at work when you dropped your nephew home, so they've assumed the other has said thank you at some point.

I would try and do what a PP said, and tell yourself they said it (I think they think they have).

Treesinmygarden · 06/08/2023 19:11

Cucucucu · 06/08/2023 18:26

Why do you need a thank you ? We had my partners niece with us a whole week on holiday , we ate out every day and nobody contributed ( and I would have not accepted if they did as it’s my choice to ask her if she wants to come ) .
I never expected a thank you , it’s family , it’s not needed .

Nonsense! Common courtesy and good manners are just as important within family!

User1367349 · 06/08/2023 19:15

I have found that people have very different standards and expectations when it comes to thank yous. I’m not fussy about how a
thank you comes (message, in person, card, phone call, whatever) but there are very few excuses for lack of thanks all together. I have been quite shocked by the lack of thank yous for presents and all kinds of things more recently. I’m late 30s, has everything changed since I was a kid?

SleepingStandingUp · 06/08/2023 19:20

3plusonekids · 06/08/2023 17:47

This is good advice. Thank you.

Show quote history

Yeah I think this too.
What did they say when you first suggested it or picked him up on the day?

Original poster
3plusonekids · 06/08/2023 20:22

SleepingStandingUp · 06/08/2023 19:20

Yeah I think this too.
What did they say when you first suggested it or picked him up on the day?

Show quote history

Yeah they were pleased, he was so happy we’d invited him. We dropped him off and my DB was at work, as was SIL.

OP posts:
Original poster
3plusonekids · 06/08/2023 20:23

User1367349 · 06/08/2023 19:15

I have found that people have very different standards and expectations when it comes to thank yous. I’m not fussy about how a
thank you comes (message, in person, card, phone call, whatever) but there are very few excuses for lack of thanks all together. I have been quite shocked by the lack of thank yous for presents and all kinds of things more recently. I’m late 30s, has everything changed since I was a kid?

Totally agree with you. I’m pretty old fashioned about manners, they are really important to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
3plusonekids · 06/08/2023 20:30

EmilyBrontesGhost · 06/08/2023 19:09

If it's out of character then probably they both think the other has said thank you.

They were both at work when you dropped your nephew home, so they've assumed the other has said thank you at some point.

I would try and do what a PP said, and tell yourself they said it (I think they think they have).

Show quote history

Yeah, I’m definitely going to try to move on 😬

OP posts:
Darkdiamond · 06/08/2023 20:59

Northernparent68 · 06/08/2023 19:04

Perhaps they thought you’d enjoyed his company and didn’t expect thanks, particularly as you didn’t actually do anything

Didn't do anything?
You wanna take my kids on holiday with you seeing as it's so easy 😆

chickbean · 06/08/2023 21:09

Can't understand the people who say no thanks necessary. It's just common courtesy to thank people when they have done something nice - from opening a door to taking someone away on holiday. I was asked by the mum of DS1's friend (not a close friend of mine) to have him to stay for a week, while she worked away (no offer to contribute towards food either, in case anyone asks - I wouldn't have accepted, but if it had been me, I'd have offered). She didn't ask how it had gone or offer any thanks afterwards. Still can't quite believe how rude that felt.

tootiredtolie · 06/08/2023 21:28

Do you often do things for recognition? Whether you realise it or not?

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