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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go even though I complained?

63 replies

AndJust · 04/08/2023 22:11

Background is that I’m good friends with a colleague. I don’t go into the office very much though and she made good friends with someone else on the team (I’m also friendly with them). Now someone new has started, who seems nice but I don’t really know her. All three of them go out quite a lot (seen it on social media) and never invite me.

I told my colleague that I was feeling left out and she got a bit defensive over it. But now they are going out for a bottomless brunch tomorrow and invited me.

I said yes but now I’m having second thoughts like they don’t really want me there and only invited me because I complained .. and they knew that they would see me in the office and maybe thought it would be awkward? Maybe I’m overthinking.

OP posts:
1stepforward2stepsback · 04/08/2023 22:18

Go, you might enjoy it. If you’re not enjoying it once you’re there then make your excuses and leave, but no point presuming that you’re unwanted.

Hufflepods · 04/08/2023 22:18

If you don’t want to go why even bring up that you felt left out. What was the outcome other than to be invited? It sounds like you’re cutting your nose off.

Butterflyfluff · 04/08/2023 22:20

Are you 12?

DarkModeDear · 04/08/2023 22:20

Go. Get to know the new colleague, have a catch up with the other two.

lanthanum · 04/08/2023 22:20

You're overthinking. It's easy to see how you were getting left out, if you usually aren't there when they organise things. You've reminded them that you're still up for socialising even if you prefer to work from home, they've acted on that. Go and enjoy yourself, with two people you know you get on with, and the new one's probably lovely too if they both like her.

Original poster
AndJust · 04/08/2023 22:31

Butterflyfluff · 04/08/2023 22:20

Are you 12?

What do you mean?

OP posts:
coodawoodashooda · 04/08/2023 22:33

I reckon if you don't go you'll be so awkward about anything social ever again. Go. Have an excuse lined up about why you have to go early.

MoonLion · 04/08/2023 22:34

Go!

coodawoodashooda · 04/08/2023 22:34

Not early. Just not obviously early or last

Butterflyfluff · 04/08/2023 22:35

AndJust · 04/08/2023 22:31

What do you mean?

Show quote history

I mean it seems very childish - my friend has a new friend and I’m jealous but I don’t actually want to go out to play.

Granted the bottomless brunch puts a new twist on things! 😂

Watchthedoormat · 04/08/2023 22:39

Go. You're obviously feeling territorial over your friend who was your friend first!
Show the other two they can't steal her!!

Go steady on the alcopop.

Totaly · 04/08/2023 22:41

What are you expecting her to do? Sit in the office day in day out without a friend to go to lunch with? Not speak to anyone?

You’re the one not making the effort not them.

WhateverMate · 04/08/2023 22:42

If someone doesn't go into the office very much, it's easy to overlook them when making plans.

You pointed it out, she's rectified that so just go.

Keep the conversation light and try not to feel jealous if it seems they're a bit closer, due to them being together more often.

GalileoHumpkins · 04/08/2023 22:44

Watchthedoormat · 04/08/2023 22:39

Go. You're obviously feeling territorial over your friend who was your friend first!
Show the other two they can't steal her!!

Go steady on the alcopop.

I'm not sure if you're taking the piss here but, steal her? She's not a dvd that someone's snuck up their jumper, she's an adult capable of deciding for herself who she wants to be friends with.

MichelleScarn · 04/08/2023 22:55

Is this a pastiche of another thread. 'I'm going to complain about not being invited to something I don't want to actually go to'?

Original poster
AndJust · 04/08/2023 22:56

MichelleScarn · 04/08/2023 22:55

Is this a pastiche of another thread. 'I'm going to complain about not being invited to something I don't want to actually go to'?

Huh?

OP posts:
Original poster
AndJust · 04/08/2023 22:57

Totaly · 04/08/2023 22:41

What are you expecting her to do? Sit in the office day in day out without a friend to go to lunch with? Not speak to anyone?

You’re the one not making the effort not them.

No, I just thought because we were good friends she’d invite me too.

OP posts:
alwaysmovingforwards · 04/08/2023 22:58

Butterflyfluff · 04/08/2023 22:20

Are you 12?

😂 my first thought also

Muckysmucky · 04/08/2023 22:59

I think you were unreasonable to complain about their friendship evolving without you (especially when it sounds like they are in the office together and you aren’t).

But they have listened and generously invited you so if you decline now you will look extremely rude and petty.

Go. Have a good time. Relax and make friends and be glad you got what you said you wanted.

1993GoToo · 04/08/2023 23:08

IT'S A BOTTOMLESS BRUNCH - ARE YOU MAD????

Go for goodness sake!

Clymene · 04/08/2023 23:12

They're all in the office together. The other two don't really know you so you've complained that they never invite you and now you're invited you're thinking of not going?

Dear god.

Womencanlift · 04/08/2023 23:13

Why don’t you go into the office and get to know them too?

Or if you can’t go in for some reason then why don’t you get to know them via a video call?

FallingStar21 · 04/08/2023 23:14

Personally, I wouldn't have complained but I would have invited all of them out instead. If they came and were friendly, chances are they'd think to invite back.

Imo self-inviting is kind of intrusive.

AgentProvocateur · 04/08/2023 23:14

Grow up.

PocketBattleship · 04/08/2023 23:14

Dear OP,

🙄

Regards,

Your colleagues