To not go even though I complained?

[AndJust]

Background is that I’m good friends with a colleague. I don’t go into the office very much though and she made good friends with someone else on the team (I’m also friendly with them). Now someone new has started, who seems nice but I don’t really know her. All three of them go out quite a lot (seen it on social media) and never invite me.

I told my colleague that I was feeling left out and she got a bit defensive over it. But now they are going out for a bottomless brunch tomorrow and invited me.

I said yes but now I’m having second thoughts like they don’t really want me there and only invited me because I complained .. and they knew that they would see me in the office and maybe thought it would be awkward? Maybe I’m overthinking.

If you don’t go they won’t ever invite you again.
Go.

What odd behaviour. You weren't left out and more than Sarah from accounts was, or your sister....or me. They just didnt invite you, along with oh lets see, the rest of the world! Why do you think you should automatically be invited? They're not your friends, they're friends of friends. Grow up

Quite sad to see some of the replies here. Not everyone navigates friendships so easily 🙂

I totally get where you are coming from OP but just give it a go. Swallow down that feeling of doubt and show your face, you’ll probably have a great time and it’ll mean when you are in the office the ice has already been broken. I am sure they’re all lovely. It can be hard working from home and it is easy to put walls up sometimes

Oh, that’s a bit mean. It’s hard when you feel excluded. I’m sorry, OP — but to echo others, I do think you should go. They’ve invited you; go, get slightly tipsy if you need, and have a good time.

No. I’m friendly with the other one and we work directly with each other. We’ve just not met up outside of work just us two.

The other person is new, she seems nice but she’s Ona completely different team that I don’t have anything to do with.

But they're all in the office and you're not? Is that right? So they've met someone on another team who they like and they've started hanging out together because they're all working together.

It's nice of your friend to invite you. Don't be churlish, go along and I'm sure you'll have fun.

But if you're going to feel left out when people who work together 9-5 do stuff together after work, maybe you should go in more often.

So you don’t go to the office and are annoyed a friendship group has formed between those who do, and you’re annoyed you’re left out?

And then after you complain and they include you, you still feel left out?

If you want to feel part of the social side of the office, then go in more.

Oh - such meanies on here.
Navigating friendships is lifelong, and changes through phases of life - and now it's made more complicated by working arrangements.

This

I think you were unreasonable to complain about their friendship evolving without you (especially when it sounds like they are in the office together and you aren’t).

But they have listened and generously invited you so if you decline now you will look extremely rude and petty.

and this

Yanbu. They've quite obviously only invited you because you complained about it. But because you complained about it you can't exactly drop out can you.

This

You have to go.

And you have to sparkle

Does “bottomless brunch” mean bottomless mimosas? If so you’d be a fool not to go.

Also my love of mimosas is so great that as soon as I typed “bottomless” my iPhone automatically added “mimosas” to it. Twice. 😂

Maybe you should go to the office more often.

They won't have been deliberately excluding you. They are together and have made plans together. Out of the three there's only one who potentially would include you and she may not have been doing the organising.

You mentioned you feel left out, they have included you. You should go have fun and see what happens going forward.

Your colleague has done a nice thing inviting you. If you don't go now it would seem like you are being petty.

Just go and try to enjoy yourself

You should go having made a fuss about not being invited 🙄

I think if you didn’t go now? You would seem incredibly ridiculous and petty.

However, I can’t believe you complained in the first place. You don’t work in the office, one of the things you have to accept is that people working in the office will form new friendships. They also create their own dynamic.

Just because one woman is your friend, it doesn’t mean she has to include you in all her friendships. They have a dynamic and are building their own friendship. It’s really ok for your friends to have a separate friendship group. But you have moaned now and now you have to go.

The right way (imo) to deal with this would have been for you to bother organising something. Then asking your friend if she would invite the others. You put the effort in, if you would like to extend your social circle and be involved in that friendship.

Quite frankly if a friend moaned at me about being excluded, then didn’t turn up when I purposely included her I don’t think I would be bothering much.

Quite frankly if a friend moaned at me about being excluded, then didn’t turn up when I purposely included her I don’t think I would be bothering much.

Agree. You brought it up angling for an invitation. If you don't turn up now, it'll be awkward, and you'll seem petty.

You are massively over thinking this!

Just go to the brunch and have fun!

In your position I wouldn't have complained, I would just have suggested going out on a day when I was going to be in the office.

However, now you've been invited you really have to go. Otherwise I guarantee that they'll spend the first half hour saying "All that fuss and she can't be bothered to turn up anyway" and will never ask you again.

Go. If you want to be integrated into the wider group and invited as per of the wider group you need to go and be out with the wider group.

Then next time they'll think "oh we had fun with xxxxx - let's invite her again".

Just go

Exactly

Pathetic of you to moan about being left out of a social group and even more pathetic of you to consider not going after you've been invited!