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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to wait around all night for DD to ring

77 replies

Lill1e · 04/08/2023 21:27

My DD is 19. Gone out with friends. We don't live near public transport so she has to be dropped and collected everywhere unless one of her friends is driving. I woke at 3 during the week on a work night to pick her up, just up the road mind you but still.... and I've taken her and collected her more times than I can count from friends houses and nights out, over the years but tonight I want to relax and have a glass of wine or two and not worry about having to drive. I feel really bad though cause I'm sure some of the other moms will be out collecting their kids but I've organised for a friend who drives a taxi to pick my DD up whenever she wants. I will even revolut her the money for the taxi but I just feel so bad like I'm putting a glass of wine before my DD. Am I being silly?? I am separated from her dad and when he hears I didn't collect her he will be ranting about it to her. I love having a Friday night after a long week, to myself to relax.

OP posts:
Seasideanticscanleadtosandybuckets · 04/08/2023 21:28

Imo if she can afford a night out she can afford a taxi home..

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 04/08/2023 21:29

She’s 19! She can pay for her own sodding taxi!

AutumnCrow · 04/08/2023 21:30

Her dad can pick her up and drop her outside yours, then. I'm sure between 2 adults they can sort something out.

itsmylife7 · 04/08/2023 21:31

Of course you shouldn't feel guilty.

Your daughter needs to learn to drive and gain independence.

You've arranged a safe journey home for her , enjoy your wine.

user1497787065 · 04/08/2023 21:32

I’ve picked my DD up at all times of the night. We live About five miles from the town and a taxi is £45 so I’m happy to collect at that price.

NancyJoan · 04/08/2023 21:32

Part of her plans for her night out should include working out how to get home, or arranging to stay with a friend. There is no way on earth that you should be getting up at 3am to collect her.
When she asks for a lift, either say yes, but give her a reasonable time, or say no, I’m going to be having a wine and an early night, and let her sort it.

Clymene · 04/08/2023 21:32

user1497787065 · 04/08/2023 21:32

I’ve picked my DD up at all times of the night. We live About five miles from the town and a taxi is £45 so I’m happy to collect at that price.

Do you want a prize?

ParisP · 04/08/2023 21:33

The logical thing would be to stay at her friends house or taxi home. She’s old enough to be coordinating the taxi herself but it’s kind of you to do so. She’s 19, so no need to collect her in person. If she was 16 or 17 there would be a curfew and a pick up time more suited to your evening.

Lkahsvtv · 04/08/2023 21:33

I lived rurally as a teenager and my parents did a lot of daytime lifts but by 18 I would either stay at friends after a night out or get a lift home (me and my friends took it in turns to not drink and drive), it would have only been once in a blue moon I’d have asked for a lift later at night. She needs to work out her own way home.

CopperSeahorses · 04/08/2023 21:34

It is not a crime to want to spend the evening at home, having a glass of wine and putting your feet up. She's 19, 19 is old enough to be figuring out how to get home so the fact that you have sorted that out for her is doing her a huge favour.

Sparklesocks · 04/08/2023 21:34

Shes legally an adult OP, she can sort a taxi or a lift with friends. If she was away at uni or had moved out she’d sort it herself.

Lkahsvtv · 04/08/2023 21:34

By 19 I was at university and always made sure my budget included a taxi home; irs just part of being an adult

zurala · 04/08/2023 21:35

At 19 I was living on my own and making my own way home from nights out. She needs to get herself a taxi. YANBU.

BrutusMcDogface · 04/08/2023 21:36

Of course you’re not unreasonable to want an evening to unwind at the end of a working week! Your adult daughter is more than capable of arranging her own way home. And yes, if her dad has such a problem with you not picking her up, then he can do it!

Hellocatshome · 04/08/2023 21:36

She is 19 she can get a taxi or stay at a friends house. She needs to learn to stand on her own two feet.

Original poster
Lill1e · 04/08/2023 21:37

Taxi would cost her about €20 max, she doesn't work but I do pay her every week to look after her younger sister while I'm working so she that has some money of her own. I've been telling myself all night, she's an adult cop on and relax, but can't help feeling guilty as I rarely so no to anything she asks to be honest. Probably my own fault she doesn't take responsibility for making her own way home isn't it????

OP posts:
drinkuptheezider · 04/08/2023 21:39

I, too, have been the mug mum who picked up at stupid o'clock. Definitely don't start it unless they are giving you the equivalent of taxi fare to do it. Otherwise, if they want to have teenagers' lifts, they can have a curfew. I got wise, but it took a while to get that boundary back!

Original poster
Lill1e · 04/08/2023 21:40

Yes to everyone who had to make their own way home at 19!! I was the same!! Don't understand all the Parents still collecting them! My mom didn't drive and my dad would definitely not wait up til 1 or after in the morning to collect me so I had to get my own taxis too!!!

OP posts:
mycatsanutter · 04/08/2023 21:40

I have 3 adult children and have never got up at 3am to pick them up that's ridiculous! You have done more than enough asking your friend to pick her up , don't feel guilty

AutumnCrow · 04/08/2023 21:42

I am separated from her dad and when he hears I didn't collect her he will be ranting about it to her.

This ^^ is your real problem. Why is she moaning to him about what you do and don't do? Why doesn't she ring him instead?

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 04/08/2023 21:43

Don't understand all the Parents still collecting them!

but you are one of them! Channel Zammo; Just say no…!

Tessisme · 04/08/2023 21:49

Seriously - just enjoy your wine🍷🍷

Original poster
Lill1e · 04/08/2023 21:51

@AutumnCrow you know what are probably right. That is my problem. She won't be giving out to him about it but he will ask her how she got home and I know how he will react. Still worrying about how he will react after being a few years separated! Yes I have to start treating her like an adult. She needs to be more responsible that's for sure. Thanks everyone for knocking some sense into me 😃 xxxx

OP posts:
CheeseCakeSunflowers · 04/08/2023 21:51

Is there a reason she's not working, I work in a supermarket alongside colleagues aged 16+, it's quite a popular job with sixth formers as shifts often work around their studying.

Sparklesocks · 04/08/2023 21:52

It’ll be a good exercise in independence