To not want to wait around all night for DD to ring

[Lill1e]

My DD is 19. Gone out with friends. We don't live near public transport so she has to be dropped and collected everywhere unless one of her friends is driving. I woke at 3 during the week on a work night to pick her up, just up the road mind you but still.... and I've taken her and collected her more times than I can count from friends houses and nights out, over the years but tonight I want to relax and have a glass of wine or two and not worry about having to drive. I feel really bad though cause I'm sure some of the other moms will be out collecting their kids but I've organised for a friend who drives a taxi to pick my DD up whenever she wants. I will even revolut her the money for the taxi but I just feel so bad like I'm putting a glass of wine before my DD. Am I being silly?? I am separated from her dad and when he hears I didn't collect her he will be ranting about it to her. I love having a Friday night after a long week, to myself to relax.

Next time, when she announces a night out, tell her that she needs to make her own arrangements to get home as you'll be drunk/asleep.

@CheeseCakeSunflowers she is going to college but is off for summer and I am stuck with someone to watch younger DD during the work day (this will be the last summer though) so I pay her to mind her for me. Nothing stopping her getting an evening or weekend job though!!

I had three jobs in the summer at that age. Two pubs and a shop

Since I was old enough to go out in the evening, I knew I had to budget for getting myself home. If I couldn't afford a taxi I had to catch the 'ast bus. If I couldn't afford that - or couldn't rely on myself to catch it - I couldn't go out.

My mum still stayed up until I got home though, because she's my mum and that's the way she is. We were both in awe of my best mate's mum who would actually go to sleep - but leave an alarm clock on the landing. He had to switch it off when he got in, otherwise it would wake her so she'd know to start worrying about him. 😄

She's 19, an adult, I lived very rurally growing up, by that age (infact, younger even, sixth form age) I never got picked up late, I stayed at friends houses or we took it in turns to drive and not drink.

@CasperGutman that is brilliant 😆

She's 19! I'd left home by then and lived in a different city to my parents. A year later I lived in a different country. My night out planning involved getting myself home. Enjoy your wine OP, and the thought that your DD is learning some independence.

Yikes, she’s an adult. She should pay for her own taxi if she wants to go out

FFS, this is not your job. She needs to get taxis when she goes out - stop being such a pushover, OP!

This isn’t right op. Have your glass of wine and relax

if you are old enough to go out you are old enough to get yourself home and please stop paying for her taxis

there was always an emergency £20 at my mums house if I was out and got stuck for a taxi. I always has to pay it back though

I worked part time from 14 when I was at school. I left home at 16. 19 is an adult. She should have a summer job and be able to get herself home. As possible have said, she is an adult now

My teens are 18 and 16 and I give them lifts at all sorts of inconvenient times, I was much more independent at their age but I didn’t really feel loved or wanted by my parents… plus I took the decision to separate from their dad (who is a twat but they think is amazing) and we had to move to somewhere a bit more remote. However if I want a glass of wine now and then, I let them know that I can’t do lifts and they make other plans.

If she mentions her dad ranting, just laugh and say oh that's funny, why didn't you call him then?

Or why didn’t dear old daddy pay for her taxi

Oh come on, this can't be real. She's an adult not a child. Most parents wouldn't even do this for a child, they'd tell them to arrange a sleepover. Even my partner wouldn't pick me up in the middle of the night if I was going out, this is ridiculous.

If you have another DD who is young enough to need a paid babysitter in the day time, who watches her when you go and do pick ups for your adult DD at 3am?

I was out at friends houses and parties till late since 17, no way my mum would have picked me up!

No you should not feel guilty. If her dad has an issue with it tell him to bloody well pick her up!

Like most, I've voted YANBU to not be wanting to collect her tonight, but, reading through all your posts, I think YABU to have let her presume you will pick her up whenever she wants, however many times she asks, and to be at her beck and call.
Anyone old enough to go out until 3am is old enough to work out how they are getting home.
So many options available from taxi, to learning to drive (obviously not an instant fix but she could have prioritised that 2 years ago), to staying with a friend, to inviting friend to stay with her (shared taxi then), to potentially getting a bit more organised on you and other parents dropping the group places if you don't mind doing it sometimes and you think other parents do.
So YABU to be at her beck and call as much as you are.

OP with the greatest of respect - get a grip. Your DD is an adult and getting up at 3am to give her a lift is utterly insane. This indulgence has to stop - enjoy your wine and put yourself first! If your ex doesn’t like it well that’s too bad for him, he can be the one to pick her up from now on can’t he if he feels so strongly!

Neither of my parents drove, believe it or not, so from the time I was in secondary school ALL of the things I did or didn't do were based on how I could get myself there and back.

Now fair enough, I'm a gimmer now and I lived in the burbs with lots of different bus options... but the principle remains the same. Taxis/buses/other people's floors and parents exist.

Hope you enjoyed your wine!

I grew up in a rural area where public transport was a myth. At 19 my choices were: go out and pay for a taxi, drive and not drink, stay in or the most common, go to work and they supplied a taxi home.

Missed an option: sleep on someone's sofa

Just have the conversation with her, part of budgeting for a night out involves making sure you have money left over for a taxi!
We used to stuff £20 in our bra so we didn't confuse it with our drinking money😂
As the only driver in my family (so similar to you in that all lifts fall on me) I have been taking people where they need to be for the last 16+ years. I have another 5 years until my youngest turns 18 so I will have been chief taxi driver for in excess of 20 years.... you can bet your last penny I will be enjoying a glass or two of wine on a Friday night when they are capable of getting themselves home!

Sounds like she needs to get a job so she can afford to go out and pay for a taxi home afterwards!