To not want to wait around all night for DD to ring

[Lill1e]

My DD is 19. Gone out with friends. We don't live near public transport so she has to be dropped and collected everywhere unless one of her friends is driving. I woke at 3 during the week on a work night to pick her up, just up the road mind you but still.... and I've taken her and collected her more times than I can count from friends houses and nights out, over the years but tonight I want to relax and have a glass of wine or two and not worry about having to drive. I feel really bad though cause I'm sure some of the other moms will be out collecting their kids but I've organised for a friend who drives a taxi to pick my DD up whenever she wants. I will even revolut her the money for the taxi but I just feel so bad like I'm putting a glass of wine before my DD. Am I being silly?? I am separated from her dad and when he hears I didn't collect her he will be ranting about it to her. I love having a Friday night after a long week, to myself to relax.

I did late pick ups when my DDs first started going to parties etc so prob 15/16 as I didn’t like the thought of them getting an Uber/taxi alone. They also seemed to drink less if they knew I was picking them up!

I stopped at 17/18 unless they were really stuck. But it isn’t difficult to get taxis here.

Hope you enjoyed your wine OP. It’s natural to worry about our teens when they’re out, esp girls IMO.

Definitely stop giving her lifts. She’s an adult. She should stay at friends, get a taxi, or more importantly get a job and pay for driving lessons

Omg. My mum never picked me up at that time when I was that age! I walked, got lifts or taxis. Not your responsibility. You shouldn’t feel you need to get up at that time of night.

It’s a bit much to say she doesn’t work when that’s because you need her for childcare every day.

She does work - for you. That should pay enough to get a taxi home surely?

She is 19 no way would I be feeling guilty! At that age I was getting taxis back from my nights out

Is she going to college locally or somewhere else? If it's away from home she's going to have to learn how to get herself home.

She should also be looking at something like an evening waitressing job so she can pay for her own taxis. People in the hospitality industry are crying out for staff.

Let her get a taxi and tell your ex to get stuffed if he has an opinion about it. That's the beauty of him being your Ex, you no longer have to give a shit about him and his views. Also, what's he going to do, report you to someone? she's 19 not 9.

OP I'm the same. I'd collect too. I do it for peace of mind.

Not sure if yabu or not, depends on what makes life easiest for you. If you’re anxious maybe you won’t enjoy your wine and chill but I don’t think you should be obligated to pick up a 19 yo. I grew up in the countryside, single parent family and my mum has never learned to drive. Always needed a taxi home so we used to stay at each others’ houses after a night out and share the cost. The only time I remember friends’ parents picking us up is if there was something special on like a 21st. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I’ve picked my own 2 up after a night out since being 18 but then we live in a city now

I grew up rurally and all the local kids knew you had to learn to drive as soon as you could so you could have some freedom. No way would my parents have been doing lots of drop offs and pick ups. Your DD needs to start getting taxis or staying over at friends.

I used to pick mine up...but only if it suited me/had no other plans. If you're unavailable or feel like having a drink, she needs to sort herself out with a taxi.

That’s the price you pay with teenagers, especially if you live rurally. My DD is 19 as well, during the day it’s rare she’d ever ask me for a lift now as we live near very good rail and bus services but I think I will be doing night out pick up duties until she’s well into her twenties! To be honest I’d rather know that she’s safe in the car with me, far too many taxi drivers perving on young girls for my liking - that is if you can even get one! It’s almost impossible where we are since Covid.

There are an awful lot of ‘in my day’ replies - I think times have changed since then, we are a lot more safety conscious as a society/aware of more bad news so worry more. And Covid destroyed my teens confidence in a lot of ways, they can’t simply ‘get a job’ ‘book a taxi’ etc.

So where do you draw the line?
Pick her up forever?

I'm sorry to hear that COVID has destroyed your teenagers confidence.

Luckily, it doesn't seem to have affected mine and they both have jobs and get themselves home after a night out.

They either:

• stay over at a friend's
• cycle there and back
• walk the 3-5 miles home
• get a Beryl bike to the nearest drop off point to us and then walk the rest of the way
• come home early enough to catch the last bus
• catch the last train to the town closest to us and walk the rest of the way
• pay a friend who can drive to pick them up and drop them home
• pay for a taxi

Me or DH are happy, most of the time, to drop them off somewhere, but it's up to them to get themselves home. Although we have told them to call us in an emergency.

I don't think times have changed either, I think the risks are still pretty much what they always were, and parents have always worried. I also think that it's our job as parents to let go of our kids and allow them to grow into confident adults, and part of that process is letting them learn from mistakes, and they can only make mistakes if they are left to make their own decisions.

Thanks everyone for your advice last night it's so good to have this group ❤️ DD got dropped to the door by taxi friend 😀 and I had a great night relaxing. I did wait up for her but I'm getting better 😀😆

Uber

45 for a 5 mile journey?!

My lovely dad was a total sweetheart and my little sister fully took advantage. But I wouldn't have dreamed of asking him to ferry me about, certainly not late at night.

Not that he drank in those days, but how can someone relax when they are waiting for a call?

I always knew he was there in an emergency, and I am sure you would be too, OP (via taxi). That's the main thing.

I think you'll find a lot of people on MN are parents of current teens and young adults.
We are talking with out experience.

Sorry if your teens lack confidence, but - as a parent of 3 young adults - and obviously knowledge of loads of their friends (and my friends dc, etc), lots (IME all, but let's say 'the overwhelming majority') of young people age 16-26 work part time, and fund and organise themselves for their social lives.

Nine quid a mile??

This! We are not all dinosaurs, most parents want their children to be as independent as possible as soon as possible otherwise we end up parenting adults and for me that is not part of the plan!

I was getting taxis home from my boyfriend’s house from the age of 14!!!

This. You are entitled to a glass of wine on a Friday night too OP. Your DD is an adult now and must learn to sort out her own transport. You already did this no doubt for 18 years for her. If her Dad wants to collect her let him crack on.

That is priceless 🤣🤣