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Original poster

To think that some people just give off a 'snobby vibe'?

77 replies

Efalino · 03/08/2023 17:28

So DD has got herself a new boyfriend (both young adults). He is a lovely guy, very helpful, friendly, polite. But I can't help but think he gives off a 'snobby vibe'. He's perfectly good to us, but you can tell he probably looks down on less intelligent or less well off people. He hasn't said anything outright.

He tends to dress quite 'classically' and likes expensive or good quality things. He seems a bit old school, or conservative, but DD says he definitely is not a tory. He is pretty clever (went to Cambridge) but not from a wealthy family. His parents both went to boarding school, I know that.

It's strange because he hasn't done anything wrong, but I just get 'snobby vibes'

OP posts:
Highlyflavouredgravy · 03/08/2023 17:29

I think you have a massive chip on your shoulder

JaneJeffer · 03/08/2023 17:31

you can tell he probably looks down on less intelligent or less well off people
Just from looking at him?

HeadNorth · 03/08/2023 17:32

You are obviously projecting your issues onto this bloke who has apparently done nothing wrong

Usersooty · 03/08/2023 17:33

You give off judgemental, secret social climber vibes.

BPDprincess · 03/08/2023 17:33

He hasn't said anything.
He hasn't done anything.
He's a lovely guy. Very thoughtful and helpful.

But you think he's giving snobby vibes.

Ok.

LubaLuca · 03/08/2023 17:34

Surely he comes from a wealthy background if both parents went to private school. I'm not saying he's landed gentry, but he's not from a working class background. Also he's more than pretty clever if he went to Cambridge, that definitely puts him in the straight up clever category.

If this is just you worried that he's a Tory, there's an easy way to find out.

MyBrownEyedHandsomeBoy · 03/08/2023 17:34

Oh dear OP 🤦🏼‍♀️

kikigen · 03/08/2023 17:34

It sounds like it's your bias creating this vibe rather than anything he's actually doing? You said yourself he hasn't done anything, so it's in your head, it's something you've created.

DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 03/08/2023 17:37

Projecting much. Agree with a pp who said you have a chip on your shoulder.

Unless he has actually done or said anything, you are coming across as though you think he is better than you and really, that's on you.

On the up side - he's not a Tory.

Olderandolder · 03/08/2023 17:37

Rich people can afford socialist policies. Can you?

Not that todays conservatives are pro free trade and prosperity anyway.

DarkDarkNight · 03/08/2023 17:39

I know what you mean. I definitely get this vibe off a few people. Definitely just an air of superiority as you say.

Interestingly enough I have family members who have said this about me. I’m not a snob but I do like nice quality things.

Rathouse · 03/08/2023 17:40

I think you maybe have mixed the word classy and snobby up OP?

I think a lof people struggle to accept some people are classy it's hard to describe but some people look it I can spot it in strangers but difficult to word it down on paper. Snobby is far different though!

Olderandolder · 03/08/2023 17:40

DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 03/08/2023 17:37

Projecting much. Agree with a pp who said you have a chip on your shoulder.

Unless he has actually done or said anything, you are coming across as though you think he is better than you and really, that's on you.

On the up side - he's not a Tory.

She really does.

But to be fair to OP, when I get a Green or Tory hater alone, I normally can’t until they admit that they know that Green policies will cause economic hardship and population reduction but they think it’s worthwhile.

Olderandolder · 03/08/2023 17:40

*chat until the admit …

HelpMeGetThrough · 03/08/2023 17:42

He tends to dress quite 'classically' and likes expensive or good quality things.

Probably knock offs from down the market.

AnnaMagnani · 03/08/2023 17:42

I went to private school, like expensive things, have parents who are v far from rich, and have been described as 'sounding like the Queen's cousin'

The number of people who have taken against me on sight and then discovered that I'm actually normal person is very high. It's actually quite depressing to experience this over and over.

This is about you not your DD's boyfriend. You just have a preconception that clever = snobby = Tory.

ilovesooty · 03/08/2023 17:43

Highlyflavouredgravy · 03/08/2023 17:29

I think you have a massive chip on your shoulder

Absolutely.

Original poster
Efalino · 03/08/2023 17:43

Maybe I did mean classy

OP posts:
maddening · 03/08/2023 17:44

Reverse snobbery is just snobbery. Yabu.

Rathouse · 03/08/2023 17:46

I don't think classy can be helped some people have it naturally. The saying money can't buy class is very true.

Perhaps you've been a bit quick to judge OP. As long as he treats your DD right!

Wowokthanks · 03/08/2023 17:48

My mother felt this way about my husband.
It was her own insecurity. She didn't think that he respected them because his background was different. She felt looked down upon... never said or did anything that she could put her finger on.

It meant that she distanced herself from him, and me.
I now have not seen her for 9 years. I know that she's treated my siblings partners better because they're closer to the choices she made for herself.

The question is, will you allow this to damage your relationship with your daughter in the long term?

ItsCalledAConversation · 03/08/2023 17:48

Various people have judged me in this way too, because I went to private school, or because I have a large house, or because I don’t have a regional accent. It’s very unpleasant to be on the receiving end of such judgement, but all it does is reveal how small-minded the judger is. That’s you OP!

HamBone · 03/08/2023 17:50

I associate a snobby vibe with a person’s behavior, rather than their education or dress sense. The most educated/wealthy people I know aren’t snobby at all, it’s the wannabes who are. And I enjoy paying them very little attention, which they hate. You can’t be snobby towards people who ignore you. 😂

Your DD’s bf doesn’t sound snobby to me.

Olderandolder · 03/08/2023 17:52

ItsCalledAConversation · 03/08/2023 17:48

Various people have judged me in this way too, because I went to private school, or because I have a large house, or because I don’t have a regional accent. It’s very unpleasant to be on the receiving end of such judgement, but all it does is reveal how small-minded the judger is. That’s you OP!

It’s practically compulsory now in the corporate jobs market with ESG social mobility, free school meals tick boxes etc.

Random789 · 03/08/2023 17:57

As a southerner living in the north I occasionally feel a little bit afraid of this kind of totally unfair snap judgement. It feels to me like people projecting their own snobbiness on to the person they accuse of being snobby. They feel insecure about themselves (because they don't match up to some fantasy class ideal) and they choose to imagine it is the other person, not they themselves, who is being judgey.