To think that some people just give off a 'snobby vibe'?

[Efalino]

So DD has got herself a new boyfriend (both young adults). He is a lovely guy, very helpful, friendly, polite. But I can't help but think he gives off a 'snobby vibe'. He's perfectly good to us, but you can tell he probably looks down on less intelligent or less well off people. He hasn't said anything outright.

He tends to dress quite 'classically' and likes expensive or good quality things. He seems a bit old school, or conservative, but DD says he definitely is not a tory. He is pretty clever (went to Cambridge) but not from a wealthy family. His parents both went to boarding school, I know that.

It's strange because he hasn't done anything wrong, but I just get 'snobby vibes'

I've been on the receiving end of this kind of judgement due to my accent and general demeanour. I used to work in an area where most people were very local. They spoke a particular way, did things a particular way and if you were different you weren't accepted. I found it quite upsetting as I have never judged someone based on how they sound, how much money they have or where they went to school. Sadly inverse snobbery is alive, kicking and very much acceptable.

Until or unless proven otherwise I'd say it's a you issue and not him. Face value is all you can take him as

Reverse snobbery at its best here! You are looking down at him because of the way in which he dresses/speaks. I bet you would be up in arms if he looked down on you for the same reasons. Funny how reverse snobbery is accepted and perpetuated.

And? He sounds great. What would you rather, a scuffy, foul mouthed chav?!

You sound like my inlaws

Yes to secret social climber. I bet the OP looooves to tell her friends her DDs boyfriend went to Cambridge and BOTH his parents went to boarding school.

Sorry OP, but you've clearly got a chip on your shoulder. Let your DD be happy.

You sound the snobby one here, op.

I know exactly what you mean OP. Some middle and upper class people just give off the snobby toff vibe. You just know he is looking down on you even if he has the manners not to do it obviously.

I think you meant self assured.

Is that the same way that some working class people give off chavvy and ignorant vibes?
What a ridiculous thing to say!
Honestly you need to check your own prejudices and snobbery.

More like you projecting that onto him unfairly.

There isn't a chip on OP's shoulder it's a bloody great bag full. Stop being so judgy about other people.

I give office snobby vibes op and my life has been far from luxurious. I can't help my voice

“Definitely not a Tory’. Interesting. But how about his ancestry? Have you properly evaluated whether his parents or Grandparents are definitely not Tories too? That might be the issue. A kind of genetic throwback.

Yeah they have secret meetings to work out the criteria on how to annoy people who are either jealous and/or feel hard done by

If that's your instinct then there is probably some truth in it, you can still have a great relationship with him, no-ones views are completely without some kind of bias

I agree with pp.

I think when we think 'they think they're better than us' what it usually means is 'when I'm around them I feel bad about myself or feel intimidated'

I had exactly these thoughts about a couple I met at a parent and baby group and then realized it was coming from me not them as they are perfectly nice so that's not said with judgment just observing it's a natural human reaction to project

But how do you know?? Are you sure it's not your own issues and you're looking 'up' at people like them?

It's strange how on school run threads when posters complain the other mums are being cold and cliquey, most people agree and say they are, very few chip on shoulder accusations

If you think he is judgey and looking down at anyone, you might be projecting...

Poor guy probably didn't sign for that when he started dating your daughter.

Do you feel insecure yourself?

People make all sorts of weird assumptions about me because I went to Oxford & speak with a standard southern British accent. In fact I am from a working class family (generation above me have regional accents), was first in my family to go to university, have spent enough adult life barely able to make ends meet, so well aware of what that feels like & have friends who have next to nothing and other friends who are extremely wealthy. I’m interested in people’s values not how much they have or what social set they belong to.

It’s really tedious to have to constantly correct assumptions about yourself often made by someone before we have even met.

I do know someone who went to a quite well known public school who is a dreadful snob. He’s done ok, accountant of some kind, but you could be a brain surgeon, if you didn’t go to private school he’d still look down on you.

Because there they are being cold and cliquey and here the OP admits the young lad hasn't actually done or said anything at all!

I think this is a you problem, not a him problem. But how dare he vote differently to you! Anyone would think we live in an actual democracy!

I think you are struggling with insecurity and just because he is clever and probably fairly well off you are trying to out him down to make yourself feel less uncomfortable.
Try being more generous minded and give him the benefit of the doubt - are you showing ' inverse snobbery?'