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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave holiday early?

68 replies

Devotchka99 · 03/08/2023 14:51

I am 4 days into a 10 day holiday on mainland span with my two sons, age 15 and 17. Both are ND and need a lot of managing however have traveled a lot and generally cope ok with that. I am on my own, although I will overlap a few days with my sister and her kids. That’s if I stay. Since we have been here they have been awful. Really awful, rude, constantly arguing, refusing to do things, making every single thing an argument, being inconsiderate of others eg playing loud sounds on phone on speaker despite being repeatedly asked not to. I know I have caveated ND but these are all things they are capable of doing eg following instructions with explanation. They have just built up to a full on fight in a basketball court, complete with swearing at full volume, knocking into other people etc, then continued a loud verbal argument all the way though the hotel, continuing swearing. I am now sat in the hotel bathroom contemplating booking an early flight home. I could do it tonight or tomorrow morning, but it would be £400 I would rather not spend, plus I’d have to rebook transport other end. The fact that I have failed so spectacularly as a parent is a whole other issue. Right now I just can’t decide if I should take the financial hit to end this immediate situation.

OP posts:
Missingpup · 03/08/2023 14:53

Perhaps for other guests you should op

TreesandFish · 03/08/2023 14:54

Have you told your sons what you are planning? Are they able to understand consequences?

If you have and nothing is changing, I would leave

XelaM · 03/08/2023 14:55

It's harsh! Lots of people argue on holidays. Don't cut your holiday short

Original poster
Devotchka99 · 03/08/2023 14:56

Missingpup · 03/08/2023 14:53

Perhaps for other guests you should op

This is one of my thoughts. If I was asked why I was inflicting this on other people, I wouldn’t have an answer.

OP posts:
Missingpup · 03/08/2023 14:56

You haven’t failed btw

Missingpup · 03/08/2023 14:56

You said previously travelled very well

TomatoSandwiches · 03/08/2023 14:57

I would take them back home.

InterferingOutsider · 03/08/2023 14:58

If they re instructions you believe they can follow, I'd issue an ultimatum. One more fight and you'll be booking home and they will cover the extra cost.

Original poster
Devotchka99 · 03/08/2023 14:58

Missingpup · 03/08/2023 14:56

You said previously travelled very well

Yes, nothing like this, I suppose the point I was making that I know for lots of ND people travelling is a real stressor but that’s never been a specific issue for them.

OP posts:
Missingpup · 03/08/2023 14:59

When sister out?

what have they been like at home last few months?

Missingpup · 03/08/2023 15:00

It’s sounds appalling behaviour

I probably would go home

what board basis are you on?

VeridicalVagabond · 03/08/2023 15:00

Are they able to understand actions --> consequences? Could you perhaps tell them to get their acts together or you'll be going home? The only downside of this being you'd have to follow through if they carry on being a nightmare so you'd have to be sure about leaving early!

Greenfree · 03/08/2023 15:01

I have no experience of kids who are ND but didn't want to read and run. Could you tell them you'll all be going home of this continues? What would you normally do at home if they were behaving like this?

LIZS · 03/08/2023 15:01

Can you give them the option to settle down before you will book flights. How do you manage them at home? Will your dsis and cousins dilute the issue or add to it?

Heronwatcher · 03/08/2023 15:01

If you have to, then do it but it seems like a shame. Do you think you’ve tried everything else? Some ideas:

  • remove screens completely for a while (appreciate difficult if they are ND but it doesn’t sound as though it could get worse;
  • limit sugary food (I tend to allow a lot more treats on holiday and then wonder why my kids are brats!);
  • Early nights, or naps beside the pool with no screens;
  • creating a routine so be clear about what’s happening and when- warn them in advance;
  • could you do things with them separately- so leave one in the room (if old enough) or a kids club? Then alternate?

Regarding the fight, could you get a really scary member of staff to give them a talking to about ruining people’s holidays and threaten to ban them from the pool or something? Or could you “pretend” to go home, so pack, get everyone in a taxi and then see what effect that has? Hopefully they’ll repent and you can say that the early flight was cancelled!

Don’t be too hard on yourself, it sounds like you’re doing a good job and I’m sure most people in the hotel understand/ missed it!

Gnomegnomegnome · 03/08/2023 15:01

You haven’t failed as a parent. You’ve just got shitty teenagers. (I’ve been the parent of an ND teen who was also a bit of a twat at times which wasn’t due to the ND, he was just sometimes a twat).

Can anyone pick them up the other end if they fly home and you stay?

towriteyoumustlive · 03/08/2023 15:01

I would at least issue an ultimatum about what will happen if they don't start behaving.

E.g. leave early, all devices taken away for a month or whatever they would hate.

Give them a chance to put right their awful behaviour.

watermeloncougar · 03/08/2023 15:01

It sounds stressful and the opposite of enjoyable for all concerned. For those reasons, I would leave. Possibly an ultimatum- one last chance to behave in a reasonable manner to each other and those around them- with the clear consequence that you all leave if they don't manage ir

Missingpup · 03/08/2023 15:01

Did you read their ages?? @LIZS

Justonemorecoffeeplease · 03/08/2023 15:02

I feel for you. It sounds like you’re not having a holiday at all. I would investigate going home early and put that consequence on the table to your boys. Well done for looking to manage the situation you must be exhausted.

If you do end up going home try and make some time for yourself to enjoy.

Good luck.

Missingpup · 03/08/2023 15:02

Sorry @Heronwatcher

they aren’t toddlers!

ManateeFair · 03/08/2023 15:02

XelaM · 03/08/2023 14:55

It's harsh! Lots of people argue on holidays. Don't cut your holiday short

They're not just 'arguing' though, are they? They had a physical fight that involved knocking into other people, they're shouting and swearing in front of other hotel guests and they're refusing to stop doing things like playing music on their phones when it's disturbing other people. That's not just a family bickering on holiday, that's full-on antisocial behaviour that's affecting other families as well as their own.

Missingpup · 03/08/2023 15:03

Heronwatcher · 03/08/2023 15:01

If you have to, then do it but it seems like a shame. Do you think you’ve tried everything else? Some ideas:

  • remove screens completely for a while (appreciate difficult if they are ND but it doesn’t sound as though it could get worse;
  • limit sugary food (I tend to allow a lot more treats on holiday and then wonder why my kids are brats!);
  • Early nights, or naps beside the pool with no screens;
  • creating a routine so be clear about what’s happening and when- warn them in advance;
  • could you do things with them separately- so leave one in the room (if old enough) or a kids club? Then alternate?

Regarding the fight, could you get a really scary member of staff to give them a talking to about ruining people’s holidays and threaten to ban them from the pool or something? Or could you “pretend” to go home, so pack, get everyone in a taxi and then see what effect that has? Hopefully they’ll repent and you can say that the early flight was cancelled!

Don’t be too hard on yourself, it sounds like you’re doing a good job and I’m sure most people in the hotel understand/ missed it!

and I’m sure most people in the hotel understand/ missed it!
no, not with a 15 and 17 year old they won’t

go home op

I feel for you. Is the behaviour a complete shock to you, and at home nothing like this?

watermeloncougar · 03/08/2023 15:04

@ManateeFair you're right, this must be incredibly distressing for other families who may have young children or ND children themselves, witnessing physical fights, knocking into others and swearing loudly in public areas.

ManateeFair · 03/08/2023 15:05

Heronwatcher · 03/08/2023 15:01

If you have to, then do it but it seems like a shame. Do you think you’ve tried everything else? Some ideas:

  • remove screens completely for a while (appreciate difficult if they are ND but it doesn’t sound as though it could get worse;
  • limit sugary food (I tend to allow a lot more treats on holiday and then wonder why my kids are brats!);
  • Early nights, or naps beside the pool with no screens;
  • creating a routine so be clear about what’s happening and when- warn them in advance;
  • could you do things with them separately- so leave one in the room (if old enough) or a kids club? Then alternate?

Regarding the fight, could you get a really scary member of staff to give them a talking to about ruining people’s holidays and threaten to ban them from the pool or something? Or could you “pretend” to go home, so pack, get everyone in a taxi and then see what effect that has? Hopefully they’ll repent and you can say that the early flight was cancelled!

Don’t be too hard on yourself, it sounds like you’re doing a good job and I’m sure most people in the hotel understand/ missed it!

They're 15 and 17. I don't think limiting sugar and enforcing naps are going to help - they're a teenager and an almost-adult having physical fights, not four-year-olds kicking off because they're not allowed to watch Peppa Pig.