To leave holiday early?

[Devotchka99]

I am 4 days into a 10 day holiday on mainland span with my two sons, age 15 and 17. Both are ND and need a lot of managing however have traveled a lot and generally cope ok with that. I am on my own, although I will overlap a few days with my sister and her kids. That’s if I stay. Since we have been here they have been awful. Really awful, rude, constantly arguing, refusing to do things, making every single thing an argument, being inconsiderate of others eg playing loud sounds on phone on speaker despite being repeatedly asked not to. I know I have caveated ND but these are all things they are capable of doing eg following instructions with explanation. They have just built up to a full on fight in a basketball court, complete with swearing at full volume, knocking into other people etc, then continued a loud verbal argument all the way though the hotel, continuing swearing. I am now sat in the hotel bathroom contemplating booking an early flight home. I could do it tonight or tomorrow morning, but it would be £400 I would rather not spend, plus I’d have to rebook transport other end. The fact that I have failed so spectacularly as a parent is a whole other issue. Right now I just can’t decide if I should take the financial hit to end this immediate situation.

I know lots of people argue on holidays and you can look at a family and not know they are being grumpy, that would be fine! This is affecting other people, and that’s awful, as well as adding another layer of stress to it for me, because im so conscious of it.

the last few months at home haven’t been great, but I hoped holiday would be a break.

my sister arrives late on day 6, her kids are younger than mine. We didn’t plan it especially as a joint holiday, it’s just a resort we both like and have both been too so it was nice to overlap, me leaving wouldn’t affect her holiday though.

Sympathies. It's tough. But no don't. Let them get on with it and you sit by the beach with a book. Kids can be twats. Once your sister arrives things will get better. You've earned the holiday too.

Sympathies. It's tough. But no don't. Let them get on with it and you sit by the beach with a book. Kids can be twats. Once your sister arrives things will get better. You've earned the holiday too.

i feel for you OP. Currently on holiday as a single parent with 3 Dc, 2 are ND. There have been such small limited windows of all 3 being happy and content: eldest (a teen) finds it massively hard to compromise and if she isn’t enjoying something WG. Being at the beach that’s it we all have to leave or I have to constantly manage her asking when we’re leaving and moaning which completely spoils it anyway. It’s one long week of negotiating and constantly trying to balance needs and wants.
the arguing is also always bad, worse than at home as we’re in a more confined space and the older ones are not used to having to spend time with the youngest who is very demanding and full on.
first Few days are always the worst then they kind of settle down into it a bit.

I know not the same situation as you but just wanted to say it’s not you, you’re doing your best. It might get better as they adjust to the new environment, or maybe it’s better to cut your losses and go home. I hope in amongst it you’re finding moments to sit in the sun and read and relax a bit yourself

Their behaviour at home is not great but this is a shock, especially them fighting. They haven’t done that for years.

I’d give them the ultimatum of they start behaving or you’re going home and they are footing the bill. And that screened are gone for a month. And follow through

Thank you x

@Heronwatcher sending a 17 year old to fucking kids club 🤣🤣

OP you've not failed. Any chance you can separate them? Leave one in the room and take the other out etc

P.s after my last single parent family I vowed next time I would travel solo and leave the dcs with their dad

I think you need to be very stern and tell them that this isn’t happening - how dare they start a fight etc etc. Really lay into them and tell them what will happen at home if they don’t behave. If their behaviour hasn’t improved by the time your sister arrives, say you’ll be leaving early.

Maybe also try and keep them separate as much as possible, or tell them to stay away from each other if they can, eg. not lying on a sun bed right next to each other.

@Devotchka99 I know lots of people argue on holidays and you can look at a family and not know they are being grumpy, that would be fine! This is affecting other people, and that’s awful, as well as adding another layer of stress to it for me, because im so conscious of it.

You've answered your own question. You know how stressful you're feeling, and your ds' s behaviour will be making other people feel like that too. I would find it awful staying in a hotel with teenagers rushing around swearing aggressively, or fighting and actually barging into people in a leisure area. And I'm a NT adult; god knows what's it's like for other ND people, families with small children, or vulnerable elderly people. Everyone has a right to enjoy their holiday peacefully. You're not, your sons aren't and they're stopping other people from being to as well.

It's not about fault, don't blame yourself. Just leave.

Not sure your point. Difficult to tell from op whether they can impulse control and stop winding each other up or not. If they normally can , they could yet calm down enough to stop annoying others.

My only consolation is that at least this is easier than also trying to manage STBX on holiday plus the 3dc! Even though it’s hard and intense am so glad to be doing it without him although doesn’t mean I don’t feel a pang when I see other families who seem to have involved, engaged, good natured Dads

And the other hotel guests?

Sorry to say, OP, I'd be complaining about your boys to management and asking them to handle it. Especially if they knocked into me.

If the loud music persisted? I'd not be sure I wouldn't just chuck the phone in the pool.

I'm really sorry though. You deserve a break, not extra stress

@Heronwatcher
I think the OP could handle them better if they were kids. I think the reason she is asking is because they are older.

Did the full on Fight and Swearing not give it away?

Mine are only 11 and 13 but behave like this. I'm the autistic one so I sound like I have no authority. Sometimes you have to have a full on meltdown and make yourself look ridiculous for them to notice you. Last resort though and it's not on purpose.

Are they used to being alone with just you? My kids are better when dad is around but once he's gone they think it's party time!!

Fine for people to have a dig and yes I did see their ages. A decent diet and good sleep habits are important at any age (especially if behaviour suddenly takes a dip) and what I meant is for example the whole family maybe missing the sweet buffet, or not getting treats all day, and getting an early night rather than eating/ drinking all evening and staying up late in the bar. I think it’s worth a try if the alternative is to abandon the holidays. Some kids clubs have a teenage arm and, if nothing else it would work as a threat. And as I said depending on the kids asking one to stay in the room or do something else is an alternative (I’m aware that ND kids may not be able to do this).

Did any of the hotel guests complain? And was the fight just one incident? If no and yes then again I’m sure they’ll have all seen worse so I’d try a new start without screens and see if things improve.

Oh admit it you didn’t see their ages

in fact in your post you actually ask whether their ages mean whether one could do the kids club and leave the other 😂

Would an ultimatum work. ? Show then the flights on your screen and ask would they rather go home

• *could you do things with them separately- so leave one in the room (if old enough) or a kids club? Then alternate?*

doesn’t look like you clocker the ages does it? @Heronwatcher

It's stranger that you say you did see the ages.

Bloody good point!

Is that aimed at me? Only I didn't mention kids clubs etc

Do they actually want to be on holiday?

I travelled solo with DS15 and DD10 earlier this year, and it was DS that was the issue, rude, obnoxious etc.

It was ok overall and we did have a good time but he needed more space and downtime than was possible due to the type of holiday.

Holidays are a stretch for me financially so I've decided for the next couple of years it'll be shorter city breaks. Because I don't think he's actually that interested in spending a whole week with me and his little sister.

In answer to your question I'd speak to them calmly, try and connect to them on a more grown up level and say if they don't want to be there you can all go home. See what they say?
If they want to stay then I'd ask them what you can all do to make it work, whilst obviously explaining the fighting etc is not acceptable.
Then maybe you can kind of agree a way to enjoy the holiday together?
Of course if they can't stick to what you agree I'd just book the flights home tbh.

I understood that the kids were 15 and 17 but also ND, so wasn’t sure if leaving in the rooms was an option. Perhaps by old I meant “mature” but I am sure that the OP could work that out 🙄

I really feel for you OP, you sound frustrated and exhausted and it's not fair. I wish I had some better advice but generally when I feel like making a fairly spur-of-the-moment decision based on my kids' behaviour, it often ends up with me cutting off my nose to spite my face! Could you sleep it on for a night or two, after a frank discussion with them, and possibly an ultimatum? I suppose the main benefit of going home would be that you wouldn't disturb other people, but if they just carry on with the same behaviour at home you might feel ever more cross/disappointed. I'm really sorry you're not getting any r&r on what is probably a well-deserved holiday.