To leave holiday early?

[Devotchka99]

I am 4 days into a 10 day holiday on mainland span with my two sons, age 15 and 17. Both are ND and need a lot of managing however have traveled a lot and generally cope ok with that. I am on my own, although I will overlap a few days with my sister and her kids. That’s if I stay. Since we have been here they have been awful. Really awful, rude, constantly arguing, refusing to do things, making every single thing an argument, being inconsiderate of others eg playing loud sounds on phone on speaker despite being repeatedly asked not to. I know I have caveated ND but these are all things they are capable of doing eg following instructions with explanation. They have just built up to a full on fight in a basketball court, complete with swearing at full volume, knocking into other people etc, then continued a loud verbal argument all the way though the hotel, continuing swearing. I am now sat in the hotel bathroom contemplating booking an early flight home. I could do it tonight or tomorrow morning, but it would be £400 I would rather not spend, plus I’d have to rebook transport other end. The fact that I have failed so spectacularly as a parent is a whole other issue. Right now I just can’t decide if I should take the financial hit to end this immediate situation.

You have zero experience of teens? You mentioned naps, and limiting screen, and sweet intake. This is a 17 year old MAN.

and you have a real problem with saying “oops I missed that”! 😂

these are young men that had a fight, swore and then shoved past other guests

and @Heronwatcher thinks they will hand over their phones to mummy and not have that second helping of ice cream and lunch. Oh and take a nap when she suggests one

My experience of ND boys is for a much younger age group but I find epically losing my shit at DS - used sparingly - when he’s been particularly egregious is quite effective at making him meek and well-behaved. I’m terrifying.

I think no flights, just wine (or cake) for you. Try again tomorrow. It’s a new day!

@Devotchka99 sit then down and warn them that fighting and swearing like they have been doing is not on. If the Hotel had called the Police your boys could have been arrested. Make them understand they cannot behave that way or there will be consequences. There is no gentle handling of ND in a Spanish jail!

Being ND doesn't mean you get a free pass.

You are doing a GREAT job! Handling teens who are neuro-typical is stressful and problematic but you're doing that with ND teens. You need a gold star!

I have a NT 16 year old and there has been at least one huge blow up on pretty much each trip we've taken in the last 4 years. I brought him and his sister to New York about 4 months ago (postponed since pre Covid) and he was OK there but otherwise will waste neither money nor my own precious leave either walking on eggshells around him, dreading his moods or arguing with him. So we don't take holidays anymore, at least not the week away somewhere types of things. For whatever reason - and he is generally a great lad at home - he just acts like a bit of a prick on holidays. I could analyse why, and have done to a certain extent but have just accepted it and now either do nothing, bring just his sister or do very specific one night match/concert type trips which are very time limited. We really don't owe our children holidays at all and certainly not if they behave like this. And it's not a break for us if they behave like this.

Best thing I ever did for my adhd son and holidays was get him to get the Padi junior qualification

every holiday without fail I get him in full dive days

he adores and comes back too knackered to argue!

Sadly I'm hearing this thing a lot. Teenagers causing problems on holiday. Is it worth the hassle?

That's really unfair on other guests. I’d go home & never take them away again. Can you send them home & you stay? Can someone pick them up at the airport?

You've not failed OP.

Is one/both of them safe to be on their own? Might be worth suggesting some alone time or doing something with one whilst the other enjoys the pool.

Only you know if bollocking them, pointing out how their behaviour affects others or mentioning going home would work. I'd also worru if they'd cooperate with going home early. It's not like you can physically force them at that age.

Their ages are a big part of the problem, coupled with their maturity level, which is below what is typical. So I have the worst of both worlds really.

dS1 is the hardest to manage and a talking to has no effect. He will just argue and argue and argue - it’s exhausting

Can you do a boat trip somewhere? Is there something they would be interested in?

I'd do it and make it clear you will not be taking them away again. Actions have consequences and they are old to understand this. Mind you, being ND, they may not see it as a punishment!
Feel for you, OP Holidays with teens aren't always easy at the best of times.

I would probably sit down with them and give them the choice. They obviously aren't having a good time so you've looked at the flights and will book the next flight home the next time they argue.

I think she has to be around to manage them, for their safety and the sake of the other guests.
If it was just normal bratty behaviour, then I'd agree with you!

At least she meant well, which is more than you're doing.

Parent of ND kids here.

Can you do something to help them regulate? Lots of screen time? Spending time in the room watching a favourite movie? Favourite food on room service? I know that all this is not at all the point of a holiday. Anything you can do to calm them and make them feel safe.

Then very small amounts of time out with other people, increasing as they get used to being away from home.

Also, could it be the heat causing sensory overload? Is it still really hot in Spain?

Are there any activities available for teenagers? If so, I would try and divide and conquer as much as possible. DS 1 goes to do activity X while DS2 is with you at pool/beach etc. DS2 gets X time on basketball court whilst DS1 is with you / does something different ? I know this means that you don't get much down time but it might help them to calm down.

Can you introduce a fines system for instances of loud swearing/using phones without earphones etc?

Wouldn't normally suggest this for a 17 year old but if he is emotionally less mature because of special needs then it might be the best way.

If they are mature enough it might work to get them together to talk calmly. Explain that incidents that have happened must not happen again ( hotel might call police etc). One way to deal with the problem would be to go home early but can they think of any other ways/plans to deal with it so it doesn't keep happening.

Tell them they are on their final waning. One more incident and they both fly home. They pay for their flights and you are staying.

The hotel are well within their rights to call the police on their behaviour and the Spanish police will take a rather dim view of trouble making British tourists.