He's given me an STI... Do I tell his ex...

[sprayme]

A man I was dating had given me an STI. It's been confirmed it's from him, he had it too and was treated .
I've finished with him for other reasons.
There is no doubt that he got this from his previous partner for many reasons but he definitely did get it from her.
He is refusing to tell her in case she turns this around and starts the whole abuse cycle again. Long story.
Do I tell her?
It has the potential to render her infertile and scarred.
Or would that he interfering.
I expect she either doesnt know she is carrying it or else has it treated didn't tell him. She was cheating in the last six months and he found out.
Thoughts?

No!! For the love of god no. I f you invite drama into your life don’t be surprised if it turns up.

I take it by 'dating' you mean having unprotected sex without testing first? Why do you feel it's your place to say anything? And I mean be really honest. It's not going to be because you care about her is it? Examine your motives here. He's told you he doesn't want to tell her because it will start other issues up. So are you wanting to cause trouble for him or looking to get back at her for being the original source? Thoughts? Leave it alone and move on.

Is there a mechanism to do so anonymously? Perhaps through a third party?

As it has the potential to render her infertile without treatment then I think you must tell her.

I think clinics and drs are meant to reach out to everyone you know could be affected? If you can hand over details it would be done anonymously by them with no mention of any other parties.

I'm not sure what my
Motives are..
I'm annoyed I got it.
I'm annoyed he gave it to me.
I'm annoyed we did t use condoms properly.
I'm Annoyed with myself for not insisting on him Getting tested first .
If she doses t know she may be infertile, that's shit and
Preventable.
I don't know what my motives are to be honest.

I think if you give the STI clinic her contact details they do an anonymous report to anyone who might be affected. This might be easiest.

Is it Chlamydia? Just send an anonymous letter in the post not naming names if she’s been cheating it could be from anyone.

Was she abusive to you or him or both?

This. When I worked in American clinic it was SOP to get a list recent partners so they could be tested and treated.

I would tell her, you don’t have to give her your details. Just send her a message letting her know. Or even an anonymous letter. I think it’s pretty mean not to let her know, how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?

He didn't give any contacts of previous partners. He's adamant he's not telling her .

Was dating? Does that mean you've chucked him?

Personally I couldn't feel the same about someone who gave me a dose of something (and you've only got his word that she was one who was playing away).

I'd tell her. Not just because it could harm her if left untreated, but more because if it's not treated she'll pass it on to other men and they in turn will pass it on to other women. With STIs, there's never only one person that suffers, so to reduce the spread people need to know what they've got.

Well I'd definitely want to know, I know that for sure.
How to tell her though?
I'm afraid of her and don't want confrontation.

Just tell her!

It's an STI FFS she needs to be told before she keeps spreading it.

Chlamydia?

They’ll be able to contact if you can provide a first and last name, approximate age and town. You don’t need to know everything just tell them what you do, they’ll do the work for you.

This is on you. I'd never have unprotected sex with someone until they've shown me clear test results.

Leave her alone. You just sound like you want to cause drama.

separate to the STI I would be questioning his version of events re her cheating and being abusive etc- if he knows he got it from her why wouldn’t he let the clinic contact her to let her know that she has had contact with someone with a sti and needs to be tested?

it sounds like he may be lying or at least sparing with the truth.

I've learned my lesson.
So you think I should leave her alone?
I would prefer this. I dont think I've the guts to tell her tbh

Quick fb message

Hi. x gave me chlamydia, thought you might need to know.

Then just block both of them if she or your ex gets dramatic

They would both hunt me down. I'm
Too much of a coward.
Should I ring the GUM clinic where I was treated and ask them if they can forward the details? Do they do that?

This!

Yea but he would not hand over details.

If it can make her I fertile I think might do this and not tell my ex partner either.