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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How often do you get chatted up

95 replies

cinnamondyl · 02/08/2023 22:38

How often do you get chatted up, glanced at, asked out etc. Feel like I'm becoming invisible...

OP posts:
BatheInTheLight · 02/08/2023 23:04

I would say the attention feels like a pain in the arse. Imagine going about your business and being aware of being looked/stared at by every other bloke?!

I'm a fairly good looking man (not a knock out though!) and I've noticed women saying 'hi' and smiling more when I'm out and about after 6 months of doing weights at the gym. It is good for your confidence and I'd recommend it if you can drag yourself down there!

girljulian · 02/08/2023 23:05

Cherryana · 02/08/2023 23:03

Never.

I also don’t understand where mumsnetters went/go to get chatted up.

This! I never get chatted up, street harassment or any of it. I am slim and average-looking. DH says it's from the same root as the fact that people always ask him for directions when we're together, and not me, because my resting face looks like murder.

XenoBitch · 02/08/2023 23:06

Never. Any bloke "chatting" me up did it to take the piss, or came across as negging. They made me feel shit/small.

BrawnWild · 02/08/2023 23:08

BrawnWild · 02/08/2023 23:03

Mid 30s. Barely go out out - busy with the kids, its not my thing, the people out out are usually either older men, married, stays or too young for me to look at.

So keep that in mind: you might not be the demographic for chatting up.

If I fancy a flirt then it gets reciprocated.

Eyed up - only if I am properly dolled up (usually weddings or work events). Keep in mind those men are usually older so not all that flattering.

Basically, most men want young and pretty, which means that the amount of men I enjoy flirting with me is very limited.

Men that stare with no ounce of charisma are grim. Even worse are the ones that talk to your tits while boring you with what they obviously consider scintillating conversation and mentally patting themselves on the back for their fantastic skills.

To clarify...after a certain age, most men have grown out of obvious flirting and it is usually the sad older blokes who fancy young, usually late teen/twenties women who are at 10+ years younger and not interested in them. Its creepy, not appreciated, and I really wish for those girl's sake, those men would back off. Its usually unwanted by the women and nit aspirational. Or pleasant

Siameasy · 02/08/2023 23:08

I mean I’m married and late 40s so I’m not expecting to be on men’s radars as much these days but I do get some fun flirty moments fairly often. I work in a public facing role and I enjoy eye contact and chatting. I don’t consider myself a “stunnah” but I’m happy in myself and have a decent personality.

Original poster
cinnamondyl · 02/08/2023 23:09

My friend finds it annoying too. In her old house she had to avoid walking a certain way home because two different neighbours were both constantly chatting her up/asking her out. She always has her kid's with her too and it doesn't seem to stop anyone. Just makes me feel shit tbh.

OP posts:
BrawnWild · 02/08/2023 23:12

@cinnamondyl Kindly, it isnt empowering to have a man fancy you. It's the opposite. Your friend is experiencing harassment, that not something to idly aspire to. Men dont validate women.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/08/2023 23:13

As soon as I got divorced, I was horrified and felt sick at the approx 50% of married men in my group of friends who upped their flirting with me, literally the first time we all went out after my divorce.

BingoBastards · 02/08/2023 23:14

@arethereanyleftatall that's horrible

arethereanyleftatall · 02/08/2023 23:15

I absolutely agree @BingoBastards

LilyRed · 02/08/2023 23:18

I'm nearly sixty, so these days never, except by creeps on Facebook and grifters on twitter... 🙄

GarlicGrace · 02/08/2023 23:19

About every two months, give or take. I'm old, dishevelled and antisocial - though I'll admit it happens more often if I've made a rare effort to look presentable. It's extremely annoying! Entitled men don't stop thinking random women must be delighted by their uninvited interest when they get old, I'm sorry to tell you.

TrishM80 · 02/08/2023 23:20

So women who don't get chatted up are depressed because they are "invisible" to men, and women who do get chatted up find it an intolerable nuisance and sexual harassment!

Christ, no wonder men don't know where they stand when it comes to talking to women!!

Whydoiwearsomuchleopardprint · 02/08/2023 23:22

imnotthatkindofmum · 02/08/2023 22:43

Never. Not even a look anymore. I am a bit sad about it. Basically it's because I'm now fat.

This is so me and I’m sad about it too!!

GarlicGrace · 02/08/2023 23:22

@TrishM80, there's a big difference between conversation and a come-on.

Also a big difference between being acknowledged and being pestered.

IfIHadAHeart · 02/08/2023 23:22

Often, but it always seems to be by men who are just…odd. It’s never fun and being harassed by creepy men is certainly not something to wish for.

Switcher · 02/08/2023 23:25

All the time. It's annoying. I'm 45. It's not like those kind of men are keepers so also not useful even if I was single.

Original poster
cinnamondyl · 02/08/2023 23:25

I agree, it is harassment which makes it ridiculous that I feel this way. Just feeling a bit down after seeing bestie today and her showing me pages of texts from a workman desperate to take her out and I never get any interest ever. She said a comment about it being rubbish that us women have to deal with this and I felt embarrassed as I don't. She genuinely thinks every woman has to deal with this, bless her. I don't want this to sound like I'm throwing her under the bus, she's absolutely lovely and I'm just feeling really jealous and maybe a bit lonely.

OP posts:
JMSA · 02/08/2023 23:27

Never. And yet, I'm popular on the dating scene. Real life is different to online though. And in real life I never get chatted up.

JMSA · 02/08/2023 23:29

Men don't fancy fat women. I myself am overweight, and get loads of attention when slim. Unless they have a kink, men don't fancy fatties.
It's true.

TrishM80 · 02/08/2023 23:30

GarlicGrace · 02/08/2023 23:22

@TrishM80, there's a big difference between conversation and a come-on.

Also a big difference between being acknowledged and being pestered.

If you are to believe a lot of posters on mumsnet, a man merely starting a conversation with a woman is unwanted harassment and pestering!

QueefQueen80s · 02/08/2023 23:30

IfIHadAHeart · 02/08/2023 23:22

Often, but it always seems to be by men who are just…odd. It’s never fun and being harassed by creepy men is certainly not something to wish for.

Same.
It does depend on situation. I'm out and about for work all the time, so always walking in the city. I get stopped in the street and chatted up, but they all seem odd or foreign or too old. Odd as in no social boundaries
Bars different, a range of men due to drinking.
If I'm with my kids I don't get attention really

95dogcat · 02/08/2023 23:32

I've been regularly chatted up throughout my life, sometimes approached by strangers on the street and public transport etc. I don't 'doll up' but I'm slim, petite and I have an intriguing/mysterious look that certain men seem to like. Now in my late 30s I've noticed the attention has dropped off a bit which is very welcome. I love the idea of just being able to chat to anyone without them thinking I'm coming onto them. I've been in closed/defensive mode my entire adult life due to not wanting to give the wrong impression. Sad really.

RuthTopp · 02/08/2023 23:32

I have a resting bitch face so not much , I scare myself if I catch a glance in a shop window !

BingoBastards · 02/08/2023 23:35

@GarlicGrace I love 'old, dishevelled and antisocial' and am stealing that for an NC, it's very apt for me! 😆