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AIBU?

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Original poster

What happens when one parent the court's ruling on contact with the other parent?

60 replies

Sushibecomesme · 02/08/2023 21:28

Sorry, I can't think where else to put this. Asking for a friend.

Mum has stopped contact between Dad (her ex) and their child for no obvious reason. Contact was an informal arrangement on her terms but happened every weekend. Dad has a strong relationship with their little boy. Social services are involved (Mum has history of mental health issues so have always been involved) and have stated there are no concerns around Dad seeing the child. Mum disagrees but has been disregarded. Social services have explained to Mum that the court is more than likely to reinstate weekly contact.

Dad is now going to court.

What if Mum laughs in the face of a court order? What can the court do to force her to obey their instructions? They're not going to jail her. If they were to fine her, Dad would be effectively paying it because it would come out of child maintenance and that would harm the child. Is there much point taking someone to court who will ignore the order? She would get legal aid but Dad wouldn't.

Previously Dad had afternoon contact for both weekend days but is now hoping for a 50/50 split.

Thanks for any info.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sushibecomesme · 02/08/2023 21:29

When one parent ignores the court's ruling, sorry.

OP posts:
WeeWillyWinkie9 · 02/08/2023 21:32

Dad will likely label mum as mad and come up with the age old BPD diagnosis used to control women and silence them, court will agree. Mum will get told she is not believed, contact will be ordered. Mum will be told she has to stop talking about abuse or else lose contact so if it is going on, she then has to accept the abuse.

MissJoGrant · 02/08/2023 21:34

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 02/08/2023 21:32

Dad will likely label mum as mad and come up with the age old BPD diagnosis used to control women and silence them, court will agree. Mum will get told she is not believed, contact will be ordered. Mum will be told she has to stop talking about abuse or else lose contact so if it is going on, she then has to accept the abuse.

Wow.
Projecting much?

Theunamedcat · 02/08/2023 21:36

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 02/08/2023 21:32

Dad will likely label mum as mad and come up with the age old BPD diagnosis used to control women and silence them, court will agree. Mum will get told she is not believed, contact will be ordered. Mum will be told she has to stop talking about abuse or else lose contact so if it is going on, she then has to accept the abuse.

Accurate much

Original poster
Sushibecomesme · 02/08/2023 21:36

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 02/08/2023 21:32

Dad will likely label mum as mad and come up with the age old BPD diagnosis used to control women and silence them, court will agree. Mum will get told she is not believed, contact will be ordered. Mum will be told she has to stop talking about abuse or else lose contact so if it is going on, she then has to accept the abuse.

Thanks for replying. I'm sorry, I don't understand. Is there a possibility that Mum could lose contact time if she doesn't obey the court order? She doesn't work, Dad does.

OP posts:
ComeAlongNow23 · 02/08/2023 21:40

She can be held in contempt and could be jailed.

Theunamedcat · 02/08/2023 21:42

Sushibecomesme · 02/08/2023 21:29

When one parent ignores the court's ruling, sorry.

There are sanctions the court can put into place including giving full custody to the previously non custodial parent

Be careful though that your getting the full accurate story though you would be surprised at how many lies non custodial parents will come out with my ex told his girlfriend that I was losing custody of our children and she needed to prepare rooms in her house for their emergency removal this meant he could move in with her the reality was we had no social services involvement they were not being removed from me I dont drink don't smoke don't have any anger and substance issues it was all a fantasy he got her sympathy her support she even bought him a new car and set money aside for his solicitors bill

Madness

Merryoldgoat · 02/08/2023 21:42

Why would she get legal aid?

IDontFeelLikeCooking · 02/08/2023 21:43

It is a problem.

Basically the legal procedure is that he would file an application to ‘enforce’ the order. If the court found that its order had been breached without reasonable excuse then the mum could be subject to a fine / community service or imprisonment. The reality is these sanctions are rarely used as it is not in the best interests of a child to use them. The mum would be warned about the seriousness of breaching the order.

If mum continues to breach the order then usually dad would make an application to very the order to allow the child to live with him and spend time with mum. If it can be shown that mum is implacably hostile to contact or is simply not able to meet the child’s emotional need to have a relationship with Dad the courts have the option of making a lives with order in Dads favour.

It can be a really long and expensive road if one parent simply doesn’t care about the repercussions of breaching a court order.

Theunamedcat · 02/08/2023 21:43

Working doesn't mean a thing its parenting that counts

Anothnamechang · 02/08/2023 21:43

Courts where I live tend to side with fathers… even where valid reasons are provided.

If Mum disobeys the court order, Dad can submit a failure to obtemper to the courts and Mum will have to had very good reasons for contact ceasing- in an ideal world she would raise a minute to vary as opposed to stopping contact altogether.

Children can and will be removed from Mums who fail to uphold a court order.

In my experience Dads can completely dismiss the court order for over a year with zero contact inbetween and then return to full court ordered rights without any consideration for the children inbetween.

Family courts are a war ground and it can impact both mums and dads mentally& financially. Ideally sorting outwith court would be the much preferred method where parents are able to.

Theunamedcat · 02/08/2023 21:43

Merryoldgoat · 02/08/2023 21:42

Why would she get legal aid?

If there is evidence of abuse she can (I believe)

Merryoldgoat · 02/08/2023 21:45

Theunamedcat · 02/08/2023 21:43

If there is evidence of abuse she can (I believe)

Show quote history

That’s my point - if she’d actually get legal
aid it suggests a less than straightforward ‘good dad, batshit ex’ scenario.

Or it’s a false assumption that ‘no
work = benefits = free stuff = scrounger’

WishIranonBatteriesNotSleep · 02/08/2023 21:47

Working doesn't mean a thing to the courts.

When ExH took me to court for DD I was working he wasn't. Judge didn't care, said as long as me working didn't mean DDs needs where unmet thats all that mattered.

WishIranonBatteriesNotSleep · 02/08/2023 21:47

My Ex tried to use the "She works so DD will be in childcare all the time" line against me, it didn't work.

IDontFeelLikeCooking · 02/08/2023 21:48

Merryoldgoat · 02/08/2023 21:42

Why would she get legal aid?

A person can get legal aid if they 1. Can show they are on a low income and 2. Can establish they have been a victim of domestic abuse.

Domestic abuse can be proven by a police report / GP letter or a letter from a domestic violence support agency.

In my experience domestic violence support charities (those for men and women) are prepared to be extremely flexible when providing evidence of abuse.

Goldbar · 02/08/2023 21:50

If you're asking on behalf of a new/potential partner, I'd be careful that you're not being lined up for unpaid nanny duties so they can avoid paying maintenance.

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 02/08/2023 21:57

MissJoGrant · 02/08/2023 21:34

Wow.
Projecting much?

Show quote history

I'm not in this situation nor have been.

ArcticSkewer · 02/08/2023 22:07

I know someone whose abusive ex continually took her to court. Eventually he got primary custody after telling many many lies. He only needed one judge to believe him. Parental alienation.

ConnieTucker · 02/08/2023 22:10

If they were to fine her, Dad would be effectively paying it because it would come out of child maintenance
that is such an odd sentence. Does he assume anything she buys comes out of child maintenance?

ConnieTucker · 02/08/2023 22:11

ArcticSkewer · 02/08/2023 22:07

I know someone whose abusive ex continually took her to court. Eventually he got primary custody after telling many many lies. He only needed one judge to believe him. Parental alienation.

It is terrible how many abusive men use court as a way to continue abuse.

ConnieTucker · 02/08/2023 22:12

IDontFeelLikeCooking · 02/08/2023 21:48

A person can get legal aid if they 1. Can show they are on a low income and 2. Can establish they have been a victim of domestic abuse.

Domestic abuse can be proven by a police report / GP letter or a letter from a domestic violence support agency.

In my experience domestic violence support charities (those for men and women) are prepared to be extremely flexible when providing evidence of abuse.

Show quote history

What do you mean by ‘extremely flexible’? Just knocked around a little bit?

ArcticSkewer · 02/08/2023 22:12

ConnieTucker · 02/08/2023 22:11

It is terrible how many abusive men use court as a way to continue abuse.

Show quote history

it was really really awful and i am horribly cynical now about courts

Goldbar · 02/08/2023 22:16

ConnieTucker · 02/08/2023 22:10

If they were to fine her, Dad would be effectively paying it because it would come out of child maintenance
that is such an odd sentence. Does he assume anything she buys comes out of child maintenance?

It reeks of "she spends my money on getting her nails done", doesn't it?

IDontFeelLikeCooking · 02/08/2023 22:43

ConnieTucker · 02/08/2023 22:12

What do you mean by ‘extremely flexible’? Just knocked around a little bit?

Show quote history

I mean that I have personal experience of domestic violence support groups being prepared to provide evidence that both men and women have been victims of domestic abuse with very little evidence.

For example a man who was certified as being a victim of domestic abuse because he was distressed about not being allowed to spend time with his child (with no questions asked about WHY he wasn’t spending time with his child - he was a regular user of class A drugs) and a woman who was certified as being a victim of domestic abuse because a former partner sent three very short polite messages over 7 days asking how she and their new born baby were doing after finding out that she has given birth to their child on social
media.

The reality is that a change in law has actually incentivised parents to make allegations of domestic abuse against the other as it is the only way they can legal aid.

This has caused huge problems in the family court system. Delays whilst schedules of allegations and responses are prepared. Additional often unnecessary hearings taking up judicial time and most worryingly detracting from those cases where domestic abuse is a serious issue that then got lost in a system.

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