What happens when one parent the court's ruling on contact with the other parent?

[Sushibecomesme]

Sorry, I can't think where else to put this. Asking for a friend.

Mum has stopped contact between Dad (her ex) and their child for no obvious reason. Contact was an informal arrangement on her terms but happened every weekend. Dad has a strong relationship with their little boy. Social services are involved (Mum has history of mental health issues so have always been involved) and have stated there are no concerns around Dad seeing the child. Mum disagrees but has been disregarded. Social services have explained to Mum that the court is more than likely to reinstate weekly contact.

Dad is now going to court.

What if Mum laughs in the face of a court order? What can the court do to force her to obey their instructions? They're not going to jail her. If they were to fine her, Dad would be effectively paying it because it would come out of child maintenance and that would harm the child. Is there much point taking someone to court who will ignore the order? She would get legal aid but Dad wouldn't.

Previously Dad had afternoon contact for both weekend days but is now hoping for a 50/50 split.

Thanks for any info.

It really does.

I'm sorry, I assumed Mum would get legal aid because she doesn't work and gets benefits. Perhaps she wouldn't?

There is no evidence of abuse. Mum has been violent when psychotic but that's all.

My point was simply that fining Mum would not be in the child's interests as it would eat into money the child needs to live on, so I thought it was unlikely that fines would be used as a sanction.

Working has nothing to do with it

Evidence or just her unsubstantiated claim? As she has abused the court I can't see how she should be allowed misuse the court for her own end. Only on MN is it always the case that he's wrong and she's right.

Yes because of course mums own the children🙄

This.

As I've said, I assumed she would because she doesn't work and claims benefits. It seems I was wrong? Both parties would claim some level of domestic abuse took place while together but neither have evidence.

@WeeWillyWinkie9 i think this is a very accurate description of what usually happens. Many men are using the courts to continue abuse. If a man wants something even if the child would be emotionally distressed he gets it. Sadly plenty of new partners believe the crazy ex stories and get used as unpaid childcare.

They have stopped legal aid now realistically you need to fit a tight criteria when I was getting divorced I got my coyrt fees paid but had to do everything online no solicitors and if I wanted the finance sorted I was told I had to pay so we separated the finance ourselves and called it good (rented property no assets)

Let me guess, you are the new partner to dad?

In my experience, the courts have been very biased in favour of the mother. It's appalling some of the things she got away with.

Some on here are mentioning men using the courts to continue their abuse but what are they meant to do if the ex is not letting them see their child?

What the hell are you on about?

Yup so true they suck it up because they've been groomed into believing it.

And women do this too 🙄

My male friend has just spent £100k over 3 years on court costs to get access to his children. His parents helped fund the case.
So many independent reports done, psychologists etc.
She got found, by multiple professionals, to be guilty of parental alienation. He now has regular contact, including over night stays etc. but she is constantly needing to be pulled up on "coaching" the children by SS. She almost lost the children but still can't control her abusive behaviour.

The male relative I know had this but Doesn't have the funds to fight it, earns just over NMW, he has to jump through every hoops to see the kids including stuff like 'meet at 10 at xxx' he gets there, he then gets another message '11 at xxx' , usually miles away, he doesn't drive, so has to get buses, if he can't get there, she tells the kids 'daddy didn't want to see you '
It's only on MN that it's dad's in the wrong. They don't see that MILs that are so awful and vilified on here are mothers! 🤣

That's so sad 😔

My friend had to go through the whole "well you must have done something wrong" judging from people. All he did wrong was fall out of love with her mental abuse at home and leave. He had contact with the children until lock down and she saw that as a great way of stopping him. Until April this year, the last time he saw his children was March 2020.

The night before his first contact in April, which was at a park with the social worker, the tyres on his car were slashed to try stop him going. I could list 100 things that woman did in her catalogue of abuse.

Nope!

Thanks for the responses so far. It seems like there are two possibilities -

Mum is successful in making a case for domestic abuse by getting a charity to write a letter based on her verbal account AND is low income enough to qualify for legal aid. The judge believes her and somehow the social work team does a U turn and is also brought around to this way of thinking. Dad gets little, if any, contact (social work team think this very very unlikely). Mum feels free to largely obstruct or ignore any court ordered contact. Child grows up with Dad a distant, sporadic figure.

Judge accepts the opinion of social services that Dad should have a significant level of regular contact. He gets either weekends or 50/50. In this scenario Mum will probably ignore the order at whim and Dad won't have the money to fight it much. She can't be stopped because no one wants to sanction a lone mum with fragile mental health. She's won't care what SS think of her. Dad is a slightly less distant and sporadic figure.

Very likely sequel:
As child grows older, Mum starts coaching child in claiming Dad is abusing him. (Child is presently non verbal but this has already been tried on social services with no success). They go back to court. Either Dad's life falls apart (he is a graduate working in a professional role with children so he also loses his job in this scenario) or he ends up with primary residency depending on who is believed.

Have I missed anything major?

There's a lot of abusive men but there are also abusive women too, neither is okay. I get that there are those men who continue to use the children and courts to further control the mother and actually don't give a damn about the children, which is just awful but it's not always the case.

My wife was abusive towards me for years and now we are separated she has continued in other ways, very much like an abusive man may do it in terms of controlling all aspects, including stopping all contact with the children. I've had just under three hours with the children on my own since we separated. She's done this on a whim based on false accusations, has legal aid without evidence and has been caught in many lies so far too, including to her own solicitors and is ignoring everything now.

Now I'm taking her to court as I've not seen them in months, not even allowed a phone call. So, in my case I can honestly say I've done nothing to her or the children, quite the opposite, I raised them and it's the other way around and I'm being smeared.

Cutting contact, which is obviously justified if there is an actual risk but without or false accusations I don't think they look at it in a good light. I have seen cases of residency changed in some circumstances and a couple where they have denied access to the parent withholding but I guess that depends on the severity so not sure.

I very much doubt anything good will come from ignoring courts anyway.

A friend of mine is on what he calls the mediation merry go round.
the court recommends mediation
She turns it down
he puts in a request to go to court
Just as its about to get to court she says yes to mediation.
The judge approves it
They then have a period of her allowing contact.
She then turns down mediation
He then puts in a request to go back to court.

Rinse and repeat.

So Dad doesn’t actually want more contact time, even though he labels Mum “mad”?

He needs a better solicitor. The guy i mentioned above, his ex did this too. After the second time, my friends solicitor put their foot down and declined a 3rd mediation on the basis of his ex not playing fair. Then they pushed through with actual court cases, 8 in total.

He wants 50/50 and she's not mad.

Dad could never afford this.