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AIBU?

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Original poster

What happens when one parent the court's ruling on contact with the other parent?

60 replies

Sushibecomesme · 02/08/2023 21:28

Sorry, I can't think where else to put this. Asking for a friend.

Mum has stopped contact between Dad (her ex) and their child for no obvious reason. Contact was an informal arrangement on her terms but happened every weekend. Dad has a strong relationship with their little boy. Social services are involved (Mum has history of mental health issues so have always been involved) and have stated there are no concerns around Dad seeing the child. Mum disagrees but has been disregarded. Social services have explained to Mum that the court is more than likely to reinstate weekly contact.

Dad is now going to court.

What if Mum laughs in the face of a court order? What can the court do to force her to obey their instructions? They're not going to jail her. If they were to fine her, Dad would be effectively paying it because it would come out of child maintenance and that would harm the child. Is there much point taking someone to court who will ignore the order? She would get legal aid but Dad wouldn't.

Previously Dad had afternoon contact for both weekend days but is now hoping for a 50/50 split.

Thanks for any info.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sushibecomesme · 03/08/2023 14:18

JibbaJab · 03/08/2023 13:31

There's a lot of abusive men but there are also abusive women too, neither is okay. I get that there are those men who continue to use the children and courts to further control the mother and actually don't give a damn about the children, which is just awful but it's not always the case.

My wife was abusive towards me for years and now we are separated she has continued in other ways, very much like an abusive man may do it in terms of controlling all aspects, including stopping all contact with the children. I've had just under three hours with the children on my own since we separated. She's done this on a whim based on false accusations, has legal aid without evidence and has been caught in many lies so far too, including to her own solicitors and is ignoring everything now.

Now I'm taking her to court as I've not seen them in months, not even allowed a phone call. So, in my case I can honestly say I've done nothing to her or the children, quite the opposite, I raised them and it's the other way around and I'm being smeared.

Cutting contact, which is obviously justified if there is an actual risk but without or false accusations I don't think they look at it in a good light. I have seen cases of residency changed in some circumstances and a couple where they have denied access to the parent withholding but I guess that depends on the severity so not sure.

I very much doubt anything good will come from ignoring courts anyway.

Good luck.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sushibecomesme · 03/08/2023 14:25

It seems like Dad doesn't have much chance of getting regular access if Mum doesn't want it unless he's loaded. Just a merry go round of disappointment and frustration with the remote possibility she's eventually be stopped by an exasperated judge.

OP posts:
ChiPawPrint · 03/08/2023 14:31

Sushibecomesme · 03/08/2023 14:25

It seems like Dad doesn't have much chance of getting regular access if Mum doesn't want it unless he's loaded. Just a merry go round of disappointment and frustration with the remote possibility she's eventually be stopped by an exasperated judge.

The family justice system is a mess to be honest which is sad for the children and families involved.

JimnJoyce · 03/08/2023 14:40

@Sushibecomesme so you've basically started a thread to ask advice based on things a friend has told you that may or may not be completely true. And you've made huge assumptions about the mother, with no actual knowledge, based on the fact she doesn't work, receives benefits and maintenance .

JibbaJab · 03/08/2023 14:53

@Sushibecomesme He can self represent without a solicitor or barrister and only have to pay court fees. I'm only using one because I can but I wouldn't give up if I was without one.

But yeah in some cases it seems there's a hope will just give up and walk away and in the meantime it's just an endless waiting game and nothing you can do.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/08/2023 15:24

Sushibecomesme · 03/08/2023 14:16

He wants 50/50 and she's not mad.

Show quote history

Ok- tbh I haven’t found all this very clear!

I think PPs have given advice re his options with going back to court though

bibliomania · 03/08/2023 16:05

The reality is that enforcement of a court order is always going to be difficult in these cases.

From my own experience, I think it's best to think of the longer term and always try to make contact positive for the child, without getting too angsty about arrangements not always being the way you'd like.

Children do get old enough to think for themselves. Parental alienation presumably does succeed sometimes, but I've seen a lot of youngish teenagers manage to work out for themselves who they want to spend time with.

sawdustformypony · 03/08/2023 16:40

bibliomania · 03/08/2023 16:05

The reality is that enforcement of a court order is always going to be difficult in these cases.

From my own experience, I think it's best to think of the longer term and always try to make contact positive for the child, without getting too angsty about arrangements not always being the way you'd like.

Children do get old enough to think for themselves. Parental alienation presumably does succeed sometimes, but I've seen a lot of youngish teenagers manage to work out for themselves who they want to spend time with.

Sound advice

Olderandolder · 03/08/2023 17:20

WishIranonBatteriesNotSleep · 02/08/2023 21:47

My Ex tried to use the "She works so DD will be in childcare all the time" line against me, it didn't work.

Good to hear.
My ex threatened this but was too lazy to go through with it.
Scary though.

Original poster
Sushibecomesme · 03/08/2023 19:24

bibliomania · 03/08/2023 16:05

The reality is that enforcement of a court order is always going to be difficult in these cases.

From my own experience, I think it's best to think of the longer term and always try to make contact positive for the child, without getting too angsty about arrangements not always being the way you'd like.

Children do get old enough to think for themselves. Parental alienation presumably does succeed sometimes, but I've seen a lot of youngish teenagers manage to work out for themselves who they want to spend time with.

Thanks for this.

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