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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset I didn’t get picked to be god parent to my “best friends” children?

74 replies

Bambamxx · 02/08/2023 19:08

So my best friend of 15 years didn’t choose me to be a godparent for either of her children (the children are different ages and getting christened together)
The 2 people she has chosen, one is also a long term friend but they live up country. The other is an old neighbour she’s known for 5 years or so.
Im not actually religious and nor even is my friend really, (she’s very much one of these who does things “for show”)
do I have every right to be upset?

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 02/08/2023 19:14

Did she choose people who do have religious beliefs? Or the prospect of good presents throughout their childhoods? Or people who might bond with her kids and show a real interest in them?

Nobody here knows. But yes you have every right to be utterly outraged that your friend has not chosen you 🤣

greenteaandmarshmallows · 02/08/2023 19:14

You aren't even religious!

Neverseenbefore · 02/08/2023 19:16

But you’re not religious… I assume, even if she had asked you, you would have had to say no.

RectangleCushion · 02/08/2023 19:16

Sorry, I don’t think you have a right to expect to be asked, particularly as it’s a religious thing and you’re not religious. She’ll have her reasons for picking who she did, and that’s a matter for her.

LAlady · 02/08/2023 19:17

Why would you expect to be asked if you aren't religious?

KingOfThieves · 02/08/2023 19:18

YABU to be annoyed if you aren’t even religious? You say she is doing it for show..so you’re annoyed you were not asked to be a godparent for “show”? Despite acknowledging there is no good reason behind it?

Original poster
Bambamxx · 02/08/2023 19:19

Actually forgot to add that she said “I didn’t choose you because you have your own children and I didn’t want to give you that responsibility” but her old neighbour has 2 children as well?

OP posts:
VeridicalVagabond · 02/08/2023 19:20

I'm God parent to three of my friends' children and all of them chose me because I'm actually religious and have the time and desire to actually be an active and involved God parent to their children - not because we're BFFs. I'm not God parent to my best friend's child and I wasn't offended not to be - it's an extremely personal choice, not necessarily anything to do with your personal social hierarchy.

Although if she's not religious and she's just doing it for show then yeah maybe it's different and more acceptable to be peeved you weren't picked, like being shunned for Maid of Honour I suppose?

Yusay · 02/08/2023 19:21

YANBU, it’s weird. The religious thing is a red herring if she isn’t particularly religious.

Only way to know is to ask her. She may just have picked the people she thinks most likely to send expensive presents 🤷‍♀️

Lordofmyflies · 02/08/2023 19:22

Do you know that a Godparent is there to offer spiritual guidance in the Christian Faith? As a non-religious friend I don't see how you could fulfil that role?!

FluffMagnet · 02/08/2023 19:24

Are you even baptised? If you're not, you can't be a godparent.

Gerrataere · 02/08/2023 19:28

I mean I can see both sides. If she was just doing it for show (even as an atheist I think that’s a pretty shit thing to do) then surely asking you as a close friend would just be part of the ‘performance’, the whole thing means nothing does it.

But if there is actually any religious element to it, then you wouldn’t be the right choice. A god parent isn’t the one who takes the kids if anything (goodness forbid) happens to the parents. It’s simply a religious duty, to be a guardian to the child through their journey growing in the church. Or maybe your friend thought the other choices would feel more obliged to get presents over the years, who knows.

Namechangedforthis2244 · 02/08/2023 19:38

I’m not at all religious but if I was choosing godparents for my children I would choose people who had the time and money to take them in as their own if I died. And who live and parent in a similar way to me to give the children continuity of something happened to me.

Although I would want to choose someone who I cared about and trusted, so someone I considered a good friend, I wouldn’t necessarily base it on how close I was to the person. For example, my closest friend doesn’t have a partner or kids and whilst I love her to bits, I wouldn’t choose her to raise my kids as I think she’d find it too hard.

Echobelly · 02/08/2023 19:39

YABU I'm afraid - even if she is doing it for show, she might want to choose more religious people to fulfil that role, people they think might like to do it from a spiritual point of view. I don't think it's a given that one will be the godparent of one's best mate's kids. I'd understand you being upset if it was something discussed in the past and you'd told them you'd like to do or they'd offered you, but otherwise, no.

Vegetus · 02/08/2023 19:43

It sounds like she doesn't really know what a godparent even is.

UnicornStarfish · 02/08/2023 20:01

OP, this has nothing to do with religion or you having children. This is about the fact she is your best friend but you aren't her best friend. Look back on your friendship and think about it.
I'm also surprised you refer to her neighbour as "neighbour" and not as a "friend", do they have a true friendship? Do they hang out as friends? Maybe there's a lot you don't know about this friend?
Honestly, don't dwell on it, don't make big a deal out of it. Now you know you're not best friends and that's fine. Finding a good friend is hard enough, never mind a best friend.

WanderingWitches · 02/08/2023 20:08

Is she one of those who thinks a god parent looks after your kids if you die?
So many people get that wrong. They are literally just for spiritual guidance.

ViscountessBridgerton · 02/08/2023 20:45

Were you baptised? Because if not, you cannot be a godparent.

I know one of my friends got offended I didn't ask her but she hadn't been christened herself and the vicar was strict about it!

TomatoSandwiches · 02/08/2023 20:51

Is she godparent to your children?

BarelyLiterate · 02/08/2023 20:53

YABU.

If you’re not religious, why on earth would you want to be a godparent anyway? It’s a religious & spiritual role. That’s the whole point of a godparent. The clue is in the name, FFS.
Godparents make public vows about the role they will play in the child’s spiritual development which would be meaningless coming from the mouth of a non-religious person who had no intention of keeping them. The ceremony would be a farce, an event happening for all the wrong reasons.

DrManhattan · 02/08/2023 20:55

Dodged a bullet

Elsiebear90 · 02/08/2023 20:58

She’s not your best friend, my ex best friend did this, she’s also not religious, it was all for show and then a year later she did the same thing with bridesmaids and started “phasing” me out of her life for reasons she would not disclose to me, I decided to just end the friendship.

Restinggoddess · 02/08/2023 21:09

I understand OP - my younger brother ( not religious) asked my older brother to be god parent to each of his children - and didn’t ask me
Why? Because he works in a job with very well paid people and he felt I couldn’t compete - it has very little to do with religion these days and very much to do with ensuring good / expensive presents through the child’s life

Being a godparent does not mean you take responsibility for the child if the parents die - that is a guardian and usually specified in a will for up until the age of 18 of the children

Needless to say I went NC from that point onwards - each child usually has 3 godparents so you had a one in six chance and didn’t ‘make the grade’ - that hurts

Hubblebubble · 02/08/2023 21:15

2 x godparents have to actually be Catholic, meaning 2 x my DCs are relatives and 2 are friends

Hubblebubble · 02/08/2023 21:16

I wonder if it's the case for other denomination christenings?