To be upset I didn’t get picked to be god parent to my “best friends” children?

[Bambamxx]

So my best friend of 15 years didn’t choose me to be a godparent for either of her children (the children are different ages and getting christened together)
The 2 people she has chosen, one is also a long term friend but they live up country. The other is an old neighbour she’s known for 5 years or so.
Im not actually religious and nor even is my friend really, (she’s very much one of these who does things “for show”)
do I have every right to be upset?

The ceremony would be a farce, an event happening for all the wrong reasons.
Most of them are a farce if you ask me. People pick rich godparents for the gifts but when push comes to shove if they died the kids would go to family not to godparents who aren't blood related.

I am a serial godmother - to eight children (no I'm not King Charles) and I am baptised and confirmed (Anglican). One vicar said how unusual it is these days to have godparents are even baptised let alone confirmed. So it's not mandatory.

It’s a good idea to be religious if you’re going to be a godparent as it’s actually quite a serious role. I’m a godparent twice over but I’m not religious and honestly, I’m the worst godparent, I can’t even remember who exactly they even are (my friend had three now grown up kids and I can’t remember which of three I’m supposed to have been godparent to). I wasn’t useless deliberately I just didn’t give it the religious respect it should have. My friend isn’t religious either so thankfully she’s never brought it up and probably doesn’t remember herself. My own children didn’t have godparents due to my lack of religion. I was childless when I agreed, I probably wouldn’t have done it otherwise.

Like I say, the vicar at our church was strict about it. Preaumably it might vary depending on the church and how lenient they are.

you don’t have to be baptised to be godparent!

You can't be a god parent if you are not religious.

😳

God parents are nothing to do with guardianship. No children go to their God parents unless that is written in a will. It's literally just for spiritual guidance.

Probably depends on the church and the denomination. I know you DO have to be baptised to do it in our anglican parish church.

Depends on the religion I think. For catholics the rule is that but I think the priest has enough leverage to decide differently.

agreed.

My post was aimed at the ‘you can’t be godparent if you aren’t baptised’ generalisation posts.

Every Anglican church near where I life requires the Godparents to be baptised Christians. The Catholic churches require them to be baptised (Catholic) in addition to being active members of the Catholic church and in Communion with our Lord. So on the whole, yes you do need to be a baptised Christian to be a God parent. Some churches here go as far as asking for Baptismal dates and certificates. It sounds like perhaps your friend would be better off with a naming ceremony.

Oh dear, this isn't going to end well, she's your friend, not your employee, you can't tell her what to do, say or think.
Why do you feel so entitled?
Just because we are friends with others, doesn't mean we are entitled to make their choices for them

Where I grew up when people pick them, they tell the kids if I keel over they'll take care of you but it's one of those things you say because "it's tradition" not because you mean it.
Godparents provide zero spiritual guidance where I'm from and even today they have no say in anything.
I get what you mean though, it's not meant to be like this. In theory they're for spiritual guidance but in reality I've never ever seen that happen. There's a difference between what it's supposed to be and what reality is without a doubt.

You aren't a Christian, and therefore being a "Godparent" is not something you would do anyway, is it? It makes no sense. It would be stupid and wrong.

Unless you’re baptised yourself, you can’t be a godparent as you can’t lead your godchild in the Christian faith

And you pointed that out to her?

I dont think you should be upset. My sister told everyone shes godmother to my first dc before we even decided.. when he had her child a few years later she picked her best friend 🤷🏻‍♀️
I dont really mind. My relationship with my niece will be the same anyways. And i have my own children and another 2 godchildren already. It makes no difference if its a friends child, niece/nephew or a godchild to me tbh. I love them all the same and take them out and about all the same.

I have a very very good friend, we've been close for 24 years and know more about each other than our respective husbands do. She has two children who are now 14 and 10. I am not godparent to either of them because I'm not religious - in fact I would say I was vocally agnostic, with a healthy dose of disapproval for a lot of interpretations of Christianity. She knows this, I know this. I haven't taken it personally!

I'm Catholic and godmother to an Anglican child - I had to meet with the vicar beforehand to discuss my beliefs and Christian faith to make sure I was suitable as a godparent. I don't know any churches who would let a non-religious person stand as godparent, that's completely mad.

The c of e guidance says you do any many churches are strict about this. IF you do a christening that is- some people name
Godparents but don't do a christening.

Op there are loads of reasons she might choose others- I didn't choose my oldest longest bffs that I might choose to be a bridesmaid or to go on holiday with me if I won a girls trip etc- I chose three people who were christening themselves (church rules) and who I thought would remain involved and invested in my little ones development and spend time with him often.

The comment that your friend "does things for show" sounds a bit disapproving of her. Maybe she senses that

I wouldn’t read too much into her decision to pick other people to be godparents. It doesn’t mean she is closer to them than you. It just means that she chose them as godparents over you. Two entirely different things.

My view on godparents (leaving out the God bit) is to widen the circle of adults in the child’s life. Some don’t even live in this country, but they are people who I think will add to the children’s lives by having a special, if occasional, role.

Maybe she just thought you'd be shit at it!? I would be a shit godparent. You can't be good at everything OP.

How close are you to her kids. That was my main thing when I picked mine, I wanted people who made an effort to maintain a relationship with my children. It had nothing to do with which friend I enjoyed being with most