To be upset I didn’t get picked to be god parent to my “best friends” children?

[Bambamxx]

So my best friend of 15 years didn’t choose me to be a godparent for either of her children (the children are different ages and getting christened together)
The 2 people she has chosen, one is also a long term friend but they live up country. The other is an old neighbour she’s known for 5 years or so.
Im not actually religious and nor even is my friend really, (she’s very much one of these who does things “for show”)
do I have every right to be upset?

It's 2023, surely we're over Godparents as a thing? Kids don't need a extra adult to force religion on them, they have climate change etc to worry about.

YABU, nobody is entitled to be a godparent. It’s not a “reward” for being a good friend.

We chose friends who were practising Christians. Because that’s what counts. If your friend isn’t a genuine Christian I don’t know why she’s having a baptism for her child.

I think you should be happy you’re not participating in their charade. Ridiculous to have christening / god parents if they’re not Christian

Every single one of the many Catholic christenings I have been to have required this.

I suppose it might depend on the church and the Church.

I don't l no or anyone in my personal
circle who had christenings for the kids who were religious in any way. They were all for show and the chosen godparents were equally unreligious too. Bizarre!

I mean, you aren't being unreasonable to feel how you feel about it. But I hate this "but she knows me longer" bullshit. Some of my dearest friends who are always there for me without a second thought are the ones I've met in the last 8 years. They are the ones I'd consider for bridesmaids, etc. (not godparents as I have family members I'll be giving those duties to).

@Bambamxx are you baptised into the religion they are being baptised into? We couldn’t have our first choice of God parents because they weren’t baptised c of e, and I couldn’t be my best friends kids because I’m not baptised Catholic.

I'm not religious but I also got a bit offended when my best friend didn't ask me.

In fairness she didn't ask any friends to be godparents, she had siblings and in laws but we'd been friends since primary school. I had a closer relationship with her than she had with her in laws. Anyway I'm over it now!

And how does a Vicar know if you're baptised or not? I doubt most people have kept their certificate of baptism.

We declined to be GPs to our niece, first grandchild etc,. because at the time we weren't church going, it caused such a row, my mother was furious but we stuck to our guns.

What is the actual point of godparents? I've never understood the Kudos of being asked tbh.

Is she god parent to your dc if you have any?

I think you’ve dodged a bullet, there are so many threads on MN where godparents just become giver of presents rather than having any meaningful relationship with god children.

I didn't get mine christened even though we got married in a church. I couldn't stand in church and say I was going to bring them up as Christians when I actually want them to make their own minds up. And I couldn't think of any friends who would be religious enough to make the affirmations required of godparents. I'm not a godparent and I hardly know of anyone who bothered to have their children christened - only people who were RC and wanted to have the option of certain schools.

Maybe your friends knows that you say things about her like "she does things for show"

Do you get a certificate for it (like a birth certificate?). I’m baptised (in the Catholic Church but I’m not religious as an adult). As far as I’m aware I have no actual proof I’m baptised to show a priest or vicar.

You have the right to feel how you feel. And that can be a bit hurt and it may sting. BUT those feelings don't make your friend in any way unreasonable. It's not about you. She's chosen who she's chosen. You're an adult and you have to suck it up and deal with it really. Can you pinpoint why it's making you feel so hurt? Often things like this have deep woven links to past wounds, and if we're feeling big upset over something which, on the face of it, is quite minor in our now adult lives, it can be worth looking to see what might be underneath these feelings (e.g. your younger self feeling left out/not good enough/excluded/seond best etc). I would give yourself a big heap of self compassion, and focus on looking within as to why you're feeling so hurt by this. And remember that in the here and now, you have a good friend, who I'm sure you have a great relationship with, if you're close enough to think she should have asked this of you. Try to separate your feelings about this issue, from the friendship that you have with her, and try to move past it and help her celebrate the christening of her children with joy ❤

A ‘every right’ to be upset? Being upset isn’t a matter of ‘rights’ and neither is being chosen as godparent.

Lots of factors could affect choice. Have you got kids? Lots of people choose godparents who are child free.

Maybe as best friend your friend sees you as someone who would always be in her kids’ lives and supportive etc.

But she maybe misjudged your level of huffiness and taking things personally.

godparent is a fairly odd and arbitrary role really, unless you take the religious thing seriously. Which clearly neither of you do.

Yabu...you haven't lost out in a popularity contest, you've dodged a bullet. She knows her old neighbour far better than you do and she's allowed to make decisions based on her own knowledge. It's not a rejection of you. You wouldn't want the role anyway, life is busy enough.
Chill out.

There are baptism records. We had to put down the name of the church we were baptised in.

DH's friend asked him to be her sons god parent. DH is Muslim but she's adamant the vicar/priest is fine with that. Its all strange to me.

You do get a certificate and the church where you were baptised will have a record.

I wouldn’t have a clue where I was baptised. I was a godmother twice and never showed anything. One would have been at a Catholic Church and one at a Church of England. I probably had to make some kind of declaration but it would have been based only my word.

I’m always intrigued by posts asking whether a poster ‘has every right to be upset’. It’s not a rights issue. If you’re upset, you’re upset, surely, but it’s worth looking at exactly what is causing the upset. In this case it seems to be because she feels bested in what she perceives is a ‘friendship test’. Like the Mn classic about bridesmaids as popularity contest.

I think it depends on both the individual church and the Church (as a PP put it).

When DH and I were having our pre cana classes before our wedding (he's Catholic) they told us the baptism rules were that god parents must be Catholics. Apparently you get a baptism certificate as proof - DH needed his to show he could marry in the church and again to get a dispensation of disparity of cult from the bishop so that he could marry me (I've never been baptised). I think god parents would be expected to show the baptism certificate as proof.

Non catholic Christians can be 'Christian witnesses' at catholic baptisms but not godparents.

Perhaps other churches aren't as strict but I would imagine most would prefer god parents to be Christians at the very least.

You can't be a god parent if you aren't willing to help raise them in the faith! You are making solemn promises.