Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

someone reassure me about this nursery decision?

60 replies

unisepps · 02/08/2023 16:24

If I don’t return to work when DD is one, I will basically lose my job. I have enough money to last another 10 months so I could technically do it but trying to find a decent job again would be hard work (I don’t earn huge amounts but over 50k so I don’t want to snub the job).

However, found out this week that DD will be the youngest in the baby room. I feel sick. She will start at 11 months so she has four weeks to settle before I go back. I feel like such a monster. The next age up is 13 months. I know it’s not a lot but in terms of her life so far it’s a huge jump isn’t it. I am so torn up about it and really don’t know if I am doing the right thing anymore. Anyone any thoughts?

OP posts:

Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee · 02/08/2023 16:31

I felt the same way back when my little one was the same age. it’s all personal choice, I preferred nursery over childminder care for my own reasons but a-lot of my friends liked the childminder option as it was more of a home away from home approach so maybe have a look at that too?

They won’t be the youngest for long, and from what I saw of the baby room my daughter was in they had a great time with the staff getting messy together. Being an only child it was also a good opportunity to develop social skills. Do you definitely want to/need to return to work in 10 months time?

Someoneonlyyouknow · 02/08/2023 16:31

Lots of children start nursery at 12 months, cos that's when mat leave runs out. So she will probably only be the youngest till somebody else starts. The staff will have lots of experience of babies her age and there may be advantages to her of being "the baby". If you are happy with everything else about the nursery then stick with your decision, it will be hard for you at first whatever her age.

UsingChangeofName · 02/08/2023 16:31

I genuinely do not see how this is an issue at all.
In any group, someone will be the youngest, and someone will be the oldest. Why is that an issue ?
Plus, the other little one is only 2 months difference - this won't seem like ANY difference at all by then ( I know it does when they are newborn).
But even if they were the only baby, why does that worry you ?

ConsistentlyPeeved · 02/08/2023 16:33

I've worked in a nursery and the youngest child there was a 9 week old baby. I had no idea what the mother did but she came in suited and booted, dropped the baby off and went off to work.

StaySpicy · 02/08/2023 16:33

My ds started nursery when he was 7 months old. I had to go back from MAT leave; I couldn't afford to take the whole 12 months.

So I think you're being a bit precious. Your dd will be fine.

FictionalCharacter · 02/08/2023 16:35

Mine started at 11mo and really thrived at nursery. I didn't even consider how old the others in the baby room were and your baby certainly won't!

JC89 · 02/08/2023 16:37

A lot will start before that as not all parents can afford to take a year if maternity leave, especially when the pay stops completely at 9 months. What age do the nursery take them from? I'm sure they are used to younger babies even if they don't have any as young as yours right now.

Tohaveandtohold · 02/08/2023 16:38

She’ll only be the youngest till another younger one attends really.
The 13 month old might have started when they were maybe 9 month old or something so they’re not the youngest now but might have been at some point.
I used a childminder though from 9 months till my children were 2 when they then went to nursery but there will always be a youngest child and not for long

Coffeaddict · 02/08/2023 16:39

I think most kids start around that age. And like others said she won't be the youngest for long.

My eldest stared on his first birthday and my current baby will start when he is 11 months. Pretty standard age if not the upper end of normal. I know a few who took 6 months and a colleague who took 6 weeks.
There is a baby in my sons nursery that is 13 weeks. I nearly lost my job while pregnant ( luckily managed to extend my contract), if I had my eldestvwould have started nursery at 4 months as that is all we would have been able to afford

Mushroo · 02/08/2023 16:42

Kindly, you’re being a bit precious. The difference in age is tiny, and lots of people can’t afford to take the full year.

To quit a £50k+ job because your baby is about 8 weeks younger than the others is madness.

Bumbers · 02/08/2023 16:42

My DC started that age. Now coming up to 3 and still loves it. Has learnt just so much there - something we could never have recreated outside of nursery. I'm on mat leave with no.2 ans they will be going a a similar age. I will miss them so much... but I honestly think they really benefit from it - and I benefited from keeping the job I enjoy, the income and feeling more like the adult version of me at work, so then I could really be present for them when they were home.

parietal · 02/08/2023 16:44

Mine both started nursery at 6 months. They did fine.

TeaKitten · 02/08/2023 16:44

She’s just the youngest because she’s the newest in, soon enough there will be someone younger starting. Most people worry OP but 50k is good money for one thing. And she will settle in and do fine!

greenteaandmarshmallows · 02/08/2023 16:45

It's a personal choice. At the nursery my little one goes to there are loads of kids younger than that

fullbloom87 · 02/08/2023 16:47

If you're not comfortable with it then don't put her there. A lot of people will say 'oh it's fine mine were fine' but having worked in a nursery myself I probably wouldn't have left mine there whilst I was out at work full time. I would maybe look at childminders so that you get a more home from home experience and a chance for your baby to build a more personal bond with their carer.

MrDobbs · 02/08/2023 16:48

Our daughter started around the same age. We felt like monsters at first too. The first few days, she cried a lot at drop off and didn't eat much. First few weeks, cried during the day a bit but slowly started joining in and trying did. A couple of months in, joining in activities, eating meals she'd never try at home, developing attachment to stuff.

Now, age 3, I think she has got so much from nursery that she would have not got from home - ability to read emotions of peers, social interaction, a group of little friends, and much more.

riotlady · 02/08/2023 16:57

My DD was 9 months when she started and totally fine! As a pp said, someone has to be the youngest and 11 months is not at all an unusual age to start nursery

HAF1119 · 02/08/2023 17:14

11 months is probably a really good age for starting. Mine started childcare at 5 months settling then full time from 6 months, he just took to it like a duck to water. Then there was a gap at 1 year and 2 months for 3 months (covid) and it was far harder after as he was older and understood it better. Without the gap I'm told it would have gone smoother. Those I know with 14 month plus children tend to find them harder to settle if they start at that older age - not always just something I notice with mum friends! Bear in mind those older babies have probably been there since 11 months, some younger, some a little older.

Another may sign up in the meantime for all you know with a 6 month old - the good thing with the older children is they aren't really having bottles and as much care needs. There is more of an equal share of care needed. If yours was 14 months in a baby room full of 6 month olds I'd be more concerned as the others will be higher needs and yours would get less time available to them

It's so normal to have anxieties for a host of reasons, so your thoughts are valid, but I really do think it will work out fine and they definately won't be the youngest for long!

Sittingish · 02/08/2023 17:16

My final child will leave home this September. Friends envy my relationship with my young adult kids as we are so very close. They all went to nursery from seven to nine months: a distant memory now.

It was not always easy but I am very relieved I stuck with my career. A couple of my sahm friends are struggling with this life stage and regretting giving up work.

The kids are doing really well with no scars borne from nursery life.

Anyway I loved my kids and am no monster. It worked out more than fine.

buckingmad · 02/08/2023 17:18

Mine went from 9 months. She’s never had a bad day and I’m told everytime I pick up at handover how happy, smiley and chatty she is so it’s obviously not traumatised her too much 😂

WeightoftheWorld · 02/08/2023 17:19

Not sure why it's an issue to be the youngest by two months (if that)? It's not an uncommon age to start nursery. My eldest started at 9 months and my second at 10.5 months. Both were fine and settled quickly.

Nordicrainagainagain · 02/08/2023 17:23

You are really saying that people (or just mothers? where is your DH in all this) who put their 11 month in nursery are monsters?

Both mine went at that age - both were fine, some might even say they thrived. Still are fine and not traumatised by it at 9 and 6. I was and am happy about it too. And our family benefitted from my career progression.

I get it, the worry about how it would change our relationship, will they be happy and cared for, I had it with DD too (not really with DS as I knew all would be fine). But a monster? I think if you truly feel like that you need some counselling to help your process your feels proportionally to what is going on (which I actually did with DD becuase I could tell my worry was OTT).

Ghostgirl77 · 02/08/2023 17:26

Mine started at 10 months and was the youngest. It was great for his development as he copied the older children and his verbal and motor skills progressed really well.

Hufflepods · 02/08/2023 17:28

You’re being precious, two months is nothing and someone has to be the youngest.
If it makes you feel better most women return to work around 9 months.

crabette · 02/08/2023 17:28

Mine started nursery at 12 months, I went back to work after 6 months and left her with my mum the 6 months in between.

Our nursery takes babies from 3 months.

I honestly think my little one came on leaps and bounds from starting nursery - she still has lots of one on one at home and then that's supplemented by friends and social skills and learning at nursery.

You're little one will be fine OP, I remember it being a wrench though so 💐

Flip

1 2 3