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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

someone reassure me about this nursery decision?

60 replies

unisepps · 02/08/2023 16:24

If I don’t return to work when DD is one, I will basically lose my job. I have enough money to last another 10 months so I could technically do it but trying to find a decent job again would be hard work (I don’t earn huge amounts but over 50k so I don’t want to snub the job).

However, found out this week that DD will be the youngest in the baby room. I feel sick. She will start at 11 months so she has four weeks to settle before I go back. I feel like such a monster. The next age up is 13 months. I know it’s not a lot but in terms of her life so far it’s a huge jump isn’t it. I am so torn up about it and really don’t know if I am doing the right thing anymore. Anyone any thoughts?

OP posts:
jennyfromthefarm · 02/08/2023 17:31

My dd started at 9 months and it's done wonders for her. The first few weeks were rough, she got ill a lot and would cry at drop offs. But once she settled in she was so happy. She loves the staff and all the activities. I felt awful too, I considered giving up work because j couldn't stand the thought of her going to nursery but I'm so glad we did it. Your dc will be fine, it'll be you who struggles.

Aozora13 · 02/08/2023 17:35

My 3 all started at 11 months so we had a month trial run before I went back after a years mat leave. Our nursery takes babies from I think 3 months although 9 months + is more usual. They’re great with all the kids but the younger babies get absolutely spoiled rotten by the staff. It’s a tough transition but mine have all thrived.

RandomMess · 02/08/2023 17:40

Mine were in childcare far younger:

9 weeks
15 weeks
25 weeks

Long paid maternity leave is a fairly recent phenomenon.

Most nursery workers LOVE having "babies" for a change, they are professionals, your baby will be fine.

fullbloom87 · 02/08/2023 17:52

RandomMess · 02/08/2023 17:40

Mine were in childcare far younger:

9 weeks
15 weeks
25 weeks

Long paid maternity leave is a fairly recent phenomenon.

Most nursery workers LOVE having "babies" for a change, they are professionals, your baby will be fine.

Wow that is incredibly young.

Zanatdy · 02/08/2023 17:54

Friends I got the train with (fellow nursery parents back then, now life long friends) started their babies at 3 months. They are 18 now, very close to their parents, honestly 11 months is fine, mine were 9 months

MaryShelley1818 · 02/08/2023 17:58

I really don't understand why it matters that yours will be the youngest? What difference do you think that will make? 11mths is a pretty normal age to start nursery.
DS started at 11mths and DD started at 9mths. Absolutely love nursery.
They move out of baby room at 13mths here, she was then in diddies, now toddlers. DD goes in smiling and waving, she makes everyone call her mammy atm and pretends the other kids are her babies, she's got such an amazing imagination and superb vocabulary. She's learnt loads there and gets so much out of it by playing with/alongside peers. She's super confident too. I think starting older she would definitely have struggled with separation anxiety more, it's definitely easier for them to start younger.

RandomMess · 02/08/2023 17:59

@fullbloom87 yep that was the reality back then!

Had to be actively seeking work when my eldest was 6 weeks old to qualify for benefits. Next one you got 16 weeks paid maternity leave if you returned to work and the next 26 weeks.

On the positive you didn't get issues with separation anxiety!

SouthLondonMum22 · 02/08/2023 18:00

Mine started nursery at 3 months. He was the youngest for a while but it never bothered me, someone has to be the youngest.

I'm surprised she's the youngest at 12 months since most people take 9-12 months of maternity leave.

Don't worry about it. She'll be fine and not the youngest for long.

pinkpanther84 · 02/08/2023 18:01

Mine both started at 9 months when my mat pay ran out. I had no choice but they were both absolutely fine

Vanillaradio · 02/08/2023 18:19

She will be fine. Ds started at 13 months, most of the kids his age had been in nursery 1-3 months already, younger kids than that came whilst he was there, when he moved on to the next room at age 2 the youngest in the room was 6 months. It's really nothing unusual to go to nursery at that age- in fact a lot go at 6 months or 9 months depending on maternity leave package.

Itsacebeingme · 02/08/2023 18:32

Aww op your baby will be fine. I worked in baby rooms for years and loved the youngest babies. If a new younger one started I would cuddle them as much as I could! 11 months isn't young for childcare. I'm now a childminder and the youngest I've had was 11 weeks. Average age is about 9 - 10 months. Try not to worry (very hard I know)

NurseryNurse10 · 02/08/2023 18:39

We have a 5 month old baby at nursery and she gets doted on. A good few have been around the 9-10 month mark when starting x

MonsterCalling · 02/08/2023 18:46

fullbloom87 · 02/08/2023 17:52

Wow that is incredibly young.

Show quote history

Still very much the norm outside of Europe, especially in the US.

OP, your baby will be absolutely fine. You may even see a short spurt in their development as they watch and copy the slightly older children.

Bunnycat101 · 02/08/2023 18:52

That’s pretty normal. I suspect a lot start at 13m with full mat leave and accrued annual leave but there will be plenty starting from 6-9 months onwards.

It is hard starting nursery- I don’t think anyone finds it easy but you sound like you have a good job and your future self will thank you for going back to it.

Mingotheflamingo · 02/08/2023 18:55

Can you ask for unpaid sabbatical until she's 13 maths?

MikeWozniaksMohawk · 02/08/2023 18:58

DS was 10 months when I went back to work. He was fine! Better that age than a little older when they feel the separation more.

Mufflette · 02/08/2023 19:15

DS ia the youngest in the baby room (started at 9.5 months and the next in age was 4 months older, now 12 months and another a few weeks older than him has just started). He adores nursery, and the older children love him being the littlest! Quite often when I come to get him he's having a pushchair tour of the garden accompanied by a small gang of 3 yr olds who want to hang out with 'the baby'. I know others who've started younger and had the same experience with older children wanting to help them.

Onceuponatime56 · 02/08/2023 19:17

My child started at 8 months and I felt terrible. However, they settled so easily and love nursery now at 2.5. Since they’ve had much younger babies in the baby room (at a guess around 6 months)

BiddyPop · 02/08/2023 19:20

Dd was 4 months old when she started - it wasn't terribly unusual at the time. She managed fine in Creche and they had really good ratios in the baby room, so it was very focussed care.

Your dd will be fine - she'll get used to the setting and the carers, make friends, and have so many different toys to play with, games to play in groups and songs to sing with them that you'll wonder why you ever worried.

VivaVivaa · 02/08/2023 19:22

I’m shocked she’ll be the youngest at 11 months. 3 yo DS started at 11 months - most of his pals either started at 6 or 9 months. Starting at a year was less common then starting at 9 months for sure.

MinnieTruck · 02/08/2023 19:42

I personally don’t think you’re being precious at all. My daughter just started nursery the day after she turned 2 because I didn’t want her to go beforehand. My 15 month old could go to nursery but I just don’t want him to go yet.

The thing is, if you have to to back to work and you have no choice then your DC will obviously have to be in paid childcare. You’re doing the right thing, it’s not like you’re abandoning her or anything

itsallnewnow · 02/08/2023 19:46

I was in the exact same position, I blinked and she was the biggest and moving to the toddler room, it's been good for all of us. She loves nursery and adores her key worker ❤️

Questionsforyou · 02/08/2023 20:10

She will come on loads from watching older ones.

Also my baby is 9 months and starts nursery next week. He can't do anything really. My friend's baby is 7 months and cruising around.

BelindaBears · 02/08/2023 20:14

Mine started at 9 months and actually it worked out really well because separation anxiety hadn’t kicked in yet so we never got any drama at drop off, she’d happily be handed over to her key person from day 1.

They might have just been trying to make me feel better but I remember one of the nursery staff telling me the younger ones tended to settle in more quickly for that reason and pre 10 months or post 18 months was what they found easiest.

The anticipation is worse than the reality. It’ll be fine. For your baby and you.

SpringHexagon · 02/08/2023 20:16

My daughter started at 11 months, she loves it. Was tough to begin with but she settled very quickly. She is not almost 17 months, has been the youngest in the room, and the oldest lol she's now moved to the next room and is the youngest and tiniest again, but is coming on so well! She learns things by watching and listening to the other children in her room. She took her first steps just before starting and now has a varied vocabulary 😂 honestly, it's so hard but it will be worth it when you see how much it brings them on!
In saying that my daughter is only there 2 mornings at the moment, we add a half day every 6 months so just moving onto her first whole day soon.