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AIBU?

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Original poster

To let DD lie to her dad?

74 replies

mamedoffa · 01/08/2023 10:05

My DD is 16. She's been with her boyfriend for around a month or 2 but they were best friends prior so I know him quite well.

Her dad lives 2 hours away and has never met him, to be honest he rarely sees DD. In a few weeks he's taking both DS’s and DD on holiday. Older DS is taking his girlfriend, no issue. DD has asked to take her boyfriend by saying he's just her friend. Her reasonings for this is they aren't in a sexual relationship but her dad wouldn't have let him go otherwise or sleep in the same room.

Should I let her get on with it and lie to him or tell her dad?

OP posts:
Highlyflavouredgravy · 01/08/2023 10:08

No!!! It would be outrageous! And you ae incredibly naive to think that two 16 year olds sleeping in the same room while in a relationship aren't going to fet up to stuff.

Would you like it if he lied to you about kis?

Highlyflavouredgravy · 01/08/2023 10:08

Kids

Hankunamatata · 01/08/2023 10:15

No she can't lie about that

Mariposista · 01/08/2023 10:32

If it's ok for DS to have his GF there, why is it not ok for her? Is he the sort of man who has double standards and 'it's because she is a girl?'

Original poster
mamedoffa · 01/08/2023 10:37

I know they aren't having sex, when I was reminding DD about safe sex she told me her boyfriend isn't sexually attracted to girls and I believe her.

I'm unsure as to why DD wouldn't be allowed her boyfriend there but DS can have his girlfriend whether it's due to him being 18 or the fact he's a man.

OP posts:
ToBeOrNotToBee · 01/08/2023 10:43

You are being incredibly naive

Highlyflavouredgravy · 01/08/2023 10:44

If he is not sexually attracted to girls then in what way is he her boyfriend?

PurelyOrnamental · 01/08/2023 10:45

mamedoffa · 01/08/2023 10:37

I know they aren't having sex, when I was reminding DD about safe sex she told me her boyfriend isn't sexually attracted to girls and I believe her.

I'm unsure as to why DD wouldn't be allowed her boyfriend there but DS can have his girlfriend whether it's due to him being 18 or the fact he's a man.

Isn't sexually attracted to girls? What am I missing?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 01/08/2023 10:46

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

'No Mum, we want to share a bedroom and he's my boyfriend, but he absolutely doesn't want to have sex with me, ever'.

TeeBee · 01/08/2023 10:47

So he's either gay and he's stringing your daughter along...or she's stringing you along.

She needs to be honest with both of her parents. It's called respect.

Cantthinkof1rightnow · 01/08/2023 10:48

Why aren't they just friends then? If he's not sexually attracted to girls, surely that's all they are anyway? Makes no sense.

Wishimaywishimight · 01/08/2023 10:48

So you believe your daughter when she tells you her boyfriend is not sexually attracted to her? This does sound terribly naive of you.

ImGoingThroughChanges · 01/08/2023 10:49

If she’s prepared to lie to her dad, why would you believe the “not sexually attracted to girls” line?

Curtains70 · 01/08/2023 10:49

Don't encourage your daughter to lie to one parent but then expect her not to lie to you.

That being said if he isn't attracted to girls then he isn't her boyfriend is he?

Livinghappy · 01/08/2023 10:49

I think you need to consider you may not know the truth.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 01/08/2023 10:50

How is he her boyfriend if he doesn't fancy girls? Am I being thick?

DelphiniumBlue · 01/08/2023 10:52

mamedoffa · 01/08/2023 10:37

I know they aren't having sex, when I was reminding DD about safe sex she told me her boyfriend isn't sexually attracted to girls and I believe her.

I'm unsure as to why DD wouldn't be allowed her boyfriend there but DS can have his girlfriend whether it's due to him being 18 or the fact he's a man.

How is he her boyfriend then?

VeridicalVagabond · 01/08/2023 10:55

So your daughter is in a relationship with a gay young man?

Er?

Surely they are in fact just friends then???? Or am I just being old and out of touch here?

Also just FYI I also told my mother I categorically was not having sex when she gave me the safe sex talk as a teen. I'm 32 with a 15 year old so I'll let you figure out how honest I was being with my mum about my teenage sex life.

FloweryName · 01/08/2023 10:56

It would be perfectly reasonable to allow an 18 year old to bring a partner on holiday to share a bedroom and to not allow a 16 year old to do the same.

Your ex would be responsible for other people’s children on holiday so it is entirely up to him what rules he sets and you would be very much in the wrong to mislead him about any of it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/08/2023 10:58

she told me her boyfriend isn't sexually attracted to girls and I believe her.

🤣🤣🤣

x2boys · 01/08/2023 10:59

I know we are living in strange times with all.this non binary stuff ,but if he's not sexuallyy attracted to.your daughter how is he her boyfriend 🤔

poetryandwine · 01/08/2023 10:59

My understanding is that while you may choose to have a celibate relationship with your boyfriend there are romantic and usually but not always sexual feelings to accompany them. Is that the case here?

Asexual people can fall in love and gay people can fall in love with those of the opposite sex, though the latter situation is often painful for one or both parties.

But there is also a distinct possibility that you are being naive, OP.

poetryandwine · 01/08/2023 11:00

And no, I don’t think your DD should lie to her father even if he is being sexist - which is only one of the possibilities as her brother is older

ModestMoon · 01/08/2023 11:48

You absolutely cannot lie to your ex about this. He is the one responsible for them while away.

I also very much doubt that he is not sexually attracted to women.

10HailMarys · 01/08/2023 12:04

when I was reminding DD about safe sex she told me her boyfriend isn't sexually attracted to girls and I believe her

Then he’s not her boyfriend then, is he? He’s her best friend and he’s using her to hide the fact from others that he’s gay.

Either he’s her boyfriend and he fancies her and they’re lying to you or he is a gay boy in a platonic friendship with a girl. It’s one or the other.

You are being very naive either way, tbh.

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