money stress, have I been reckless like they say?

[moneyal]

Last year I was on maternity leave. I decided to take the full year, despite having 8k debt and only 20k savings. I ended up spending 8k on the last three months maternity leave and therefore was left with 4K after debt paid off. The 8k was being very frugal as I paid the mortgage, all bills etc for the 3 month with no pay. My relationship broke down shortly after I returned to work. I now live alone and the boiler has packed up. I’ve asked my (v wealthy) parents to lend me the money as I am nervous not having any savings at all as a single parent and they have transferred 2k but I’ve had a lecture about being reckless with money and how I should never have let my savings get that low. I feel crap about it. There’s no back story, I had no bail outs in the past, always been self sufficient. It’s really bothered me that they’ve said this and I sort of don’t want to use the 2k now but also I feel I have very little buffer if I don’t. Was I reckless to have left myself 4K to my name?

If you have 4k can't you pay for your own boiler? Or pop on 0% credit card? But I'd have to be on the bones of my arse to approach family for a bail out.

If you’ve borrowed £2,000 from anyone while you’ve got double that in savings you’d just rather not spend then I think you have to accept them lecturing you for it tbh.

I take the Martin Lewis (I think?) line of 'you don't have savings and debt at the same time': debt is always the priority.

Don’t take the money if you can’t take the lecture 🤷🏽‍♀️

Is it a gift or loan?

I don’t get why you’ve asked for money when you have 4K. Asking my parents for money would be an absolute last resort for me. It’s a bit embarrassing as an adult.

I’m paying them back.

my question is was I reckless to have spent what I did on maternity leave rather than whether I should have accepted 2k today.

I can’t quite understand how you spent 8k when you were in a relationship. That’s a lot of money when there’s dual incomes. What was your ex paying during this time?

sorry, not helpful for the current situation but tge sums don’t add up.

One of the nice things about being self sufficient is not having to listen to anyone else's opinion on what you do with your money.

@Gateappreciation i paid the mortgage and bills (I owned the house) so that was 2k a month ish. The other 2k was clothes, eating out etc

With £4k, you're better off than a lot of people, especially now and without any details about what you earn and your outgoings (mortgage, childcare etc) plus job stability then it's impossible to say how precarious your situation is.

Hopefully you'll manage OK until your DC goes to school and your childcare costs drop a little? But as far as the boiler goes, if you don't want to be beholden to your DPs then you could just pay for the boiler from your savings or look for one that does interest free credit.

https://www.boxt.co.uk/ do interest free credit and you can put your details on their website and get a quote.

It depends what you spent it on, essentials then no not reckless, frivolities then maybe, especially with a new baby and presumably costs increasing. Also depends on your other circumstances, if you were returning to a good wage after maternity for example and could quickly build up more savings.

I wouldn’t say reckless but if you spent £2k on luxuries then asked to borrow £2k I can kind of see your parents point.
As a parent I would have happily given it to you as a gift but I might add a lecture too

OK well 2k on clothes and entertainment is a lot when not earning as it would have been cheaper to go back to work when your maternity pay ran out.

I think everyone has different levels of what feels comfortable - a lot of people would love to have £4k in the bank; others would feel terribly vulnerable. After buying a house using up all my savings, I myself now have £5k debt, I'm clearing it over the next 2 years before I can start to save. I'm comfortable with it - it's interest free, and I have scope to borrow more if I need to for something unexpected. My earnings are going up so I'm confident it'll square off soon enough.

I don't really understand why you've had to go to your parents as you do actually have the money to pay for it, with £2k still spare.

There's no real difference between you depleting your savings for the boiler and then topping them back up over the next year or so, or keeping them at the same level and repaying your parents over the same period.

There's also long interest free periods on credit cards etc to get you out of holes like this with literally no additional cost to you as you can just repay over the interest free period.

So I can understand your parents feeling you could manage this without them, because - actually, isn't that what your savings were for?

(I don't think you've been irresponsible at all- just you prob didn't need to ask your parents for help, I understand it 'feels' better having the money in the bank but a loan is the same as having used it up)

Your parents sound pretty mean to me, OP. If you've not asked them to bail you out in the past, you're a new mum, they're well off - I think it's awful that they're not happy to help you.

What was the £8k debt for?

This

Is your ex paying maintenance. Tbh I understand you not wanting your savings to get any lower than 4K and for asking your wealthy parents to help you out. With the lecture, I suppose they're just trying to teach you about managing money.

I don’t think that your spending was reckless as you’ll never get that time back but borrowing 2k when you have 4 in savings is bizarre

Although I think your parents are a bit mean, 2k on clothes and eating out does sound a bit much, especially if want a comfortable savings buffer. Can't have it both ways I guess.

And boiler breakdowns are surely just the sort of thing that savings are for?

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You could have paid for the boiler and then worked on building the savings back up.

To quote Jarvis Cocker :

”When you're laid in bed at night
Watching roaches climb the wall
If you called your dad he could stop it all, yeah
You'll never live like common people
You’ll never do what common people do”.

I would spend my very last penny before I went to my parents begging for a handout, sorry ‘loan’.

I think your parents have been very unfair.

I do not think that you have been reckless and I would happily lend you money if you are my daughter.

Yes, I agree with this.

The 8k was being very frugal as I paid the mortgage, all bills etc for the 3 month with no pay.

Why was your DP not paying at least half of these?

Yes I think you were reckless.
I don’t know why you were eating out when you were using your savings.

But if your parents are very rich and you’ve not long had a baby and your relationship has broken down then I think they were a bit mean giving you a lecture about it.

I think it came from a place of love though as it’s important you know how to manage your money now you are a single parent.

If I read it right, you had £20k in savings at the same time you had £8k debt - which is absolutely crazy and now you are in double the amount of debt, so it’s no wonder your parents are worried.