money stress, have I been reckless like they say?

[moneyal]

Last year I was on maternity leave. I decided to take the full year, despite having 8k debt and only 20k savings. I ended up spending 8k on the last three months maternity leave and therefore was left with 4K after debt paid off. The 8k was being very frugal as I paid the mortgage, all bills etc for the 3 month with no pay. My relationship broke down shortly after I returned to work. I now live alone and the boiler has packed up. I’ve asked my (v wealthy) parents to lend me the money as I am nervous not having any savings at all as a single parent and they have transferred 2k but I’ve had a lecture about being reckless with money and how I should never have let my savings get that low. I feel crap about it. There’s no back story, I had no bail outs in the past, always been self sufficient. It’s really bothered me that they’ve said this and I sort of don’t want to use the 2k now but also I feel I have very little buffer if I don’t. Was I reckless to have left myself 4K to my name?

I don’t think you were reckless at all. Maternity leave is such an incredibly precious time, and in my opinion, it’s worthwhile to use all your savings if necessary to allow you time with your baby.

I can completely understand you approaching your parents for the money despite you having savings, as you want to ensure you still have savings to fall back on should you need them.

Personally I don't see how "£2k on non essentials in 3 months" can in any possible way be described as very frugal so yeah I think your parents have a point tbh.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, @moneyal. You may have chosen differently if you'd know you were going to split up, but you weren't reckless. That extra time you had with your baby was priceless. 🥰

Your parents are just being parents, stop worrying over it, pay them back and start saving again.

Good luck x

Frugal clearly means different things to different people. 2 grand on clothes and going out is crazy money unless you’re loaded. Which you weren’t.

My parents would lend me £2k if I had nothing left, but they wouldn't lend it if I still had £4k in the bank. YABU. Especially if you've spent £4k on clothes and takeaway in 3 months.

I don’t see the relevance of the maternity aspect. You had enough savings to take the full maternity, what are savings for if not to spend how you like in a way beneficial to you or your family? (As long as all bills are paid etc which you have already stated is the case)

The time with your new baby is irreplaceable and more valuable than any thing (as long as you could afford to do it and pay for the baby/bills which you could)

You also have had enough savings left to pay for an emergency (the boiler) and still have a relatively large amount of savings compared with many.

Unless your job is incredibly unstable, you will hopefully be able to slowly increase your savings again soon. A brand new boiler should last a long time and boilers tend to be the emergency item so it’s unlikely you will need to dip in again for a while.

It is great to have savings and a buffer but it sounds like your upbringing has caused you to have a skewed view of your finances.

If this is the first time you have asked your parents for help then maybe it has caused them to think you are struggling to manage your finances but the reality is your finances are fine and you are being over cautious. Again nothing to do with maternity. Although some people can’t understand why anyone wouldn’t want to be knee deep in spreadsheets while still delivering their placenta…

One option is to say to your parents that you messed up your calculations for tax or some such thing, that you actually have plenty spare and to pay for your own boiler.

Other option, as others have said, is to keep the loan and suck up the lecture. (about finances but not about how you choose to spend time with your baby)

Option 2.5: Take the loan and whatever loan schedule they suggest then pay it back at a higher rate or ahead of schedule each time so it seems like you have made an astonishing turnaround with your financial management. Hopefully allowing them to pat themselves on the backs about how generous they are but how they set you back ‘on the straight and narrow’ with their lecture.

2K on clothes and eating out while you were on unpaid maternity leave? Yes, that is reckless. If you were my child, I would be telling you that in no uncertain terms. I have lent and given money to my adult children, but the one thing that would make me say no would be them blowing a large amount of money that they can't afford to spend on clothes and eating out, and then expecting me to bail them out.

If they are working hard, trying to save, and only buying necessities, I'm happy to help out. If they're being dicks, then I'm not.

I think you had a bit of a cheek asking for it in that situation.

BTW, I'd consider funding a maternity leave to be a very good way to spend your money if I were your parent. Just not the clothes and entertainment.

I think if you're an adult borrowing money from anyone (a bank, a parent, whatever), you have to put up with a lecture. It's not the end of the world, is it? It's just natural that if you're in a position where you need a loan, people will tend to want to assess why you need it and what you could do differently to avoid the same situation in the future, or a situation where you never pay it back.

I think making a decision to run down your savings so you could be with your baby is perfectly fair and up to you. I would be surprised if someone with 8k debt and 20k savings didn't pay off what they owed, but I think your parents have a different view.

I think, given you have considerable savings, you should just tell your parents you feel you can't take their money and you'll manage. It'd be different if you didn't have much by way of a buffer, but you do. I

I think they were right to give you some financial advice tbh. If you had 20k savings you shouldn't have had £8k debt. Most people would have made paying that off as a priority Assuming you got paid whilst on mat leave, you'd cut your cloth accordingly and gone back to work sooner if your savings were dwindling. It might not have been your first choice but it's what most people would do when faced with not being able to pay bills.

Where did the £20k come from ? As if it was from a gift or inheritance that they knew about I can see why they are shocked you are asking for another£2k (which isn't needed as you have 4k already). It just seems strange to have had 20k in savings as well as a 8k debt if it was from saving your earnings.

I agree with this. My parents have helped me out a lot in the past, I’ve never had a lecture, ever. I’m not reckless with money but I’ve had my struggles.

I thought this too. As a parent, I'd be worried if my child was left with only £4k savings IF I knew this wasn't the norm for them. I wouldn't be expecting repayment and I'd be offering any support they needed given they're dealing with the breakdown of a relationship and a very young baby!

So you used 8k in three months. Would that have been doable if you were using your wage rather than savings? If yes, and that's you normal income, then fair enough. If not, then you have been reckless.

@AngryGreasedSantaCatcus good point. It was a bit less than I would usually spend (income circa 4K).

Those saying about the debt and savings… obviously the debt was interest free, I’m not an idiot!

I think the thread has become less about whether spending the 8k was reckless and more about whether I was right to ask for the loan from parents. Which wasn’t the point of my post but it’s probably my error in how I expressed the OP.

No. Time with your LO was time well spent. You can always get more money, but not time.

You had no way to know that the relationship would break down.

You have a reasonable expectation of continued income.

Reckless, spending 8k in 3 months with a baby? Not really, given the above - although clearly you're uncomfortable with the level of savings that left you, but then even if you'd spent 1k on 'stuff' rather than 2k, would you really feel better?

As to asking for a loan from parents, I wouldn't think twice (although I'd probably get the boiler from savings, then ask if it turned out I needed the loan later), and in return, they've not thought twice about asking me for a loan when they were in a tricky cash flow situation. We're family - if we have it spare, we'll share.

In that case, and since you know you can manage on less, I'd use the savings rather than the loan from the parents and just top up as much as possible until you paid yourself back. I definitely understand the need for a cushion, but at the same time you'll never be as hard on yourself as your parents are. Just look to see if you can decrease your spending even more for about a year so you get your savings back up, but I guess childcare will take quite a chunk of your wages. Just something to consider.

Then yes you were reckless £8k in three months is a lot. Can you afford £32k a year on spending? Where was your partner in this? I know you have split up now but then you imply you were together

you must have known you wouldn’t have money for the last 3 months when you started mat leave how did you envisage covering it?

2k on clothes and eating out over 3 months is reckless, especially being on maternity leave

Yes, you were unreasonable to take an extended maternity leave. You were not in a financial position to do so. You should also spend your own money before asking your parents. Savings are for buying things like boilers when the need arises, not for hoarding while you run to the Bank of Mum and Pa.

Your parents are being sanctimonious twats. They don't appear to realise that you are not in possession of a crystal ball.You weren't to know that your relationship was going to go tits up, and that you would be on your own.

Anyway, if our DD was in financial straits following a relationship break-up we would do everything we could to help. And there would be no patronising lecture either.