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AIBU?

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Original poster

To rather not have known? (Job interview related)

83 replies

HCA · 31/07/2023 13:57

Just got a call saying I didn’t get my idea job after what I thought was a good interview, I’m gutted.

But I was told my interview was really good and they really liked me and that I would be a really good fit for their team, but someone scored 0.5 of a mark better than me in the interview questions. So therefore they got the job over me, essentially I am 3rd runner up as there were two posts to fill.

I know the intentions was to make me feel better about not getting the job and the lady was so so nice about it, but I think it has made me feel so much worse and shit knowing it was within reaching distance and I missed out by such a small amount. I feel like a ‘sorry you were nice but it’s a no’ would have been easier to process.

Argh I know it’s not personal rejection but just gutted and feel like crap!

AIBU to feel this way?

OP posts:
Ibizamumof4 · 31/07/2023 19:58

Same happened to me , it’s good cos when something else came up I got it !

adarkhorse · 31/07/2023 20:01

I know what you mean - I got a ‘pip to the post’ feedback recently and then they offered me the job pretty much straight after. I know it’s somewhat unreasonable, but I would have rather not known 😂

Verystressedsenmum · 31/07/2023 20:17

It’s just the way it is sometimes you would most probably have got the job if it wasn’t for this other person . Similar happened to me once had all the experience the interview went brilliant best I’ve ever had the interviewer was lovely she even showed me round and introduced me to the team but I didn’t get it someone else was just slightly more amazing than me ha . 😂
I was a bit humm about it but it is what it is just carry on doing what your doing .

Mrsmozza123 · 31/07/2023 20:19

Reach out and say Thankyou to the interviewer on LinkedIn if you think it’s appropriate. The determination and commitment may just give you an edge if another role cropped up.

Job hunting can really suck. Even if you are perfect for the role it doesn’t guarantee you success and that can feel really shitty. I hope you find what you are looking for.

Twinklewonderkins · 31/07/2023 20:24

I once interviewed a newly qualified person who asked us to not tell her where she was as a runner up if she didn’t get the job, as she’d had 5 interviews and been in second place each time.
she was second choice in ours and I didn’t tell her when I rang.
She does have a job in our profession now though.

DrSbaitso · 31/07/2023 20:54

Twinklewonderkins · 31/07/2023 20:24

I once interviewed a newly qualified person who asked us to not tell her where she was as a runner up if she didn’t get the job, as she’d had 5 interviews and been in second place each time.
she was second choice in ours and I didn’t tell her when I rang.
She does have a job in our profession now though.

What stopped her from coming first for you?

zurala · 31/07/2023 21:35

I was once told similar. I was gutted. But I waited and when the successful candidate moved in I applied again and I got it. See it as a positive, you were a great candidate and very likely to get a job there when there's another vacancy.

FarmGirl78 · 31/07/2023 21:45

I had this, and then something like 6 weeks later they called me back and the person who got the job had backed out and so they offered it to me. Yes I was 2nd choice, but big promotion so I was well chuffed.

Hang in there, there's still a little bit of hope to be had.

angela99999 · 01/08/2023 18:19

This happened to my DD with one company, she was encouraged to apply for two separate jobs but didn't get them. They called and said it was a very difficult decision and there would be more jobs coming up. Then a third came up and she got it, very happy there now.
Apparently one of the other two jobs was to start immediately (which she couldn't) and the second had an applicant who was a slightly better fit. Just keep your fingers crossed that this happens to you @HCA at least they took the trouble to get back to you!

angela99999 · 01/08/2023 18:22

Jumbojade · 31/07/2023 15:36

Things don’t always go the way they should, regarding interviews. I interviewed for my perfect job and had a really good interview. I thought that I might get the job, but got a phone call saying that I had a good interview but someone else had a better one. I was really disappointed, but not much I could do. I got a job (one I didn’t really want), in the same trust a couple of months later, which I accepted.

About 6 months later I attended a training session. One of the trainers was one of the interviewers I had had for perfect job. At the break time, she came up to me and asked why I had turned the job down, as I had seemed really keen. When I told her that I hadn’t been offered the job she was furious. She said I had got more points, than the person who took the job, so I should have been offered it first. She said that she would put in a complaint against the other (more senior) interviewer, but unfortunately there was nothing she could do about the job at this stage. To say I was gutted was an understatement!

This is truly appalling, makes you wonder how she ever became an HR "professional".

angela99999 · 01/08/2023 18:25

Boymum1005 · 31/07/2023 18:47

I worked in recruitment for many years, internally and agency, and feedback like this means we’d love to keep in touch because when a similar position comes up, we want you! Do keep in touch personally with the recruiter as well as applying for future roles OP. They, and the interviewers, will put in good words for you across the company and it could boost your chances for next time.

That was exactly how my DD got her recent job, they'd worked together in a different company when the other person was in HR.

Gottoloveatakeaway · 01/08/2023 18:30

I'm the same, so close is absolutely the worst as you think you could have got it if only.....and it floats round your head for days.
Good luck for next time.

AmyDudley · 01/08/2023 18:33

My DDIL got down to last two in an interview and was pipped at the post. A couple of months later she got a call from them because another post had come up and was she interested. She got that job, so you may well have got yourself on their radar.
I would be encouraged, they liked you, you did well, and you will do well again in future interviews whether for this company or another.

DrSbaitso · 01/08/2023 18:37

angela99999 · 01/08/2023 18:22

This is truly appalling, makes you wonder how she ever became an HR "professional".

Show quote history

No, makes me think she's exactly what they're looking for and she's probably a director now.

MaidOfSteel · 01/08/2023 18:46

I had a similar experience years back. Missed out by a tiny margin and was gutted. However, I did get the next job I went for and it was there I met my now husband!

Maybe the next job that comes along will be even better for you. I do believe some things happen for a reason.

Twinklewonderkins · 01/08/2023 19:00

@DrSbaitso it’s a few years ago now so I honestly can’t remember the details but it’s NHS and goes off how many points you score in the interview like a lot of recruitment, the preferred candidate either answered slightly better or had slightly more experience in something, it will have been very close.
I do remember the phone call like yesterday though :(

zeldazoo · 01/08/2023 19:23

That happened to me. One of the successful candidates dropped out a few weeks later after vetting issues. They then offered it to me. I took it and less than a year later I'm now leading the team after a promotion.

Morgysmum · 01/08/2023 20:26

I know the feeling, it is sole crushing. Especially when you it's a great job and you think you smashed the interview. Then to be told no, is a kick in the pants and then been told you were so close, yet seemingly so far. Makes it worse.
Wollow in self pity for a couple of days, then carry on.
It stings for a bit, but will get less crappy.
I was out of work for a bit, I was getting rejected by everyone, most didn't even let you know. Sometimes even when you made it to interview. I even got turned down for care. I wasn't qualified. But then I found someone to train me up.

FlipFlop1987 · 01/08/2023 20:57

This is all how positive psychology works, see the situation and see how actually there is a huge positive side to your performance, you aced the interview and will have so much confidence for the next one. Remember with jobs (and houses too!) the right one will always come along at the right time and it will all fit into place. There’s a better one with your name on it

doorstopper123 · 01/08/2023 20:59

That’s really really bad luck

i would do this

write a follow up email thanking for time, reiterating interest in the role and hope to hear again soon the next time a role comes up.

add the interviewers on linkedin if you can

hope and cross fingers the other person doesn’t work out

Anyport · 01/08/2023 21:13

One of the other two might change their minds yet or they might not be able to produce their references. All is not lost yet.

MamskiBell · 01/08/2023 22:35

Tigerswin · 31/07/2023 14:22

My sister recently came a very close second in an interview. Three days later she was offered the job. She thinks something might have come up when references were requested. So don’t give up yet - you might still get this job!

This! I work in recruitment for the civil service and one of the 2 candidates may not accept the position. Given the current climate a lit of people 'hedge their bets' and have multiple applications in and may well get offered numerous positions. Don't give up all hope yet!

3rdtimemumma · 02/08/2023 06:43

REAPPLY next time time a job comes up or even for a similar position at same company so you can get your foot in the door and move to the right podition. You were appointable, just unlucky that several were. I interview people and remember several years ago we had a really strong round. 6/8 were appointable. 3/8 brilliant. Could only appoint 1. The other 2 never reapplied despite us trying to give feedback explaining. Over the years I've had poor rounds for the same team and so wish those 2 would reapply as they would fit in so well.

SplatteredSpud · 02/08/2023 07:12

OP - I would rather have had a "you came very close" than what I went through in my last job. The interview was on zoom and I got the job. I knew I was up against internal candidates as I have a friend who works in the company who told me, so I was quite surprised. I was offered the manager position and both internal candidates (say Betty and Wilma) were given assistant manager positions under myself. I started the role and the very first time I physically met my manager who had interviewed me on zoom, he told me that "Betty could do your job with her eyes closed but you gave a better interview" - gee thanks Mr Manager, that really fills me with confidence from the off and makes me long to be working with Betty. The woman who was training me (who was also in the interviews) told me (although I'm pretty sure she really shouldn't have as it was extremely unprofessional) that both Betty and Wilma gave absolutely terrible interviews and if they were external candidates then neither of them would have been offered any of the jobs! I lasted 7 weeks there and gave my notice. My manager didn't improve from his opening comment and the whole place was just toxic. Wilma was overheard slagging me off by a friend to an ex-colleague of mine and Betty now has the manager job and is presumably doing it with her eyes tight shut. I have zero regrets about leaving and now have another job where people seem to treat each other with respect. I am WELL out of it.

FrivolousTreeDuck · 02/08/2023 07:25

I think there is a strong 'right place, right time' factor to interview success. I've lost out before to people who were effectively already doing the roles I had applied for - sometimes I have been told that explicitly, sometimes I've gathered it further down the line - if they want to hire a particular person, the interviews are all for show and they will find a way to score the person they want so they get the job.