To rather not have known? (Job interview related)

[HCA]

Just got a call saying I didn’t get my idea job after what I thought was a good interview, I’m gutted.

But I was told my interview was really good and they really liked me and that I would be a really good fit for their team, but someone scored 0.5 of a mark better than me in the interview questions. So therefore they got the job over me, essentially I am 3rd runner up as there were two posts to fill.

I know the intentions was to make me feel better about not getting the job and the lady was so so nice about it, but I think it has made me feel so much worse and shit knowing it was within reaching distance and I missed out by such a small amount. I feel like a ‘sorry you were nice but it’s a no’ would have been easier to process.

Argh I know it’s not personal rejection but just gutted and feel like crap!

AIBU to feel this way?

Thank you everyone for your opinions.

I know it is a good thing, and I should be pleased but at the time I wrote my post earlier I was so so upset! (Pathetic I know over a job)

I shall try to see the positives. I am fortunate that I already have job that isn’t horrific, but this job would have just been perfect in terms of family life, work-life balance and the job itself would have been great. It’s a vacancy which is as rare as hens teeth it would seem so fingers crossed they keep me in mind for future.

Sorry you didn't get it op but don't be put off applying. I didn't even get an interview first time I applied for my.current job. I applied again, got interviewed and appointed and within the year got a massive promotion. You are so close so if you want it then go for it again. Sometimes a no leads to a much better yes elsewhere

I had a similar thing recently so I know how you feel.

I was phoned up and told it was so close between me and the other person that they needed to take a night to "sleep on it" as the panel couldn't decide. I'm kicking myself now about every question I could have answered slightly better. I know there were one or two I could have done better on, like they asked me how many days I wanted to work "in an ideal world". I wish now that rather than replying with a number of days I had just replied, "whatever works best for you, I'm flexible" (it was a part time job).

To add insult to injury, they told me to apply for another job vacancy they had at the same time as I was "such a great fit for the team". I did, and didn't even get shortlisted. Still baffled about that one tbh.

Things don’t always go the way they should, regarding interviews. I interviewed for my perfect job and had a really good interview. I thought that I might get the job, but got a phone call saying that I had a good interview but someone else had a better one. I was really disappointed, but not much I could do. I got a job (one I didn’t really want), in the same trust a couple of months later, which I accepted.

About 6 months later I attended a training session. One of the trainers was one of the interviewers I had had for perfect job. At the break time, she came up to me and asked why I had turned the job down, as I had seemed really keen. When I told her that I hadn’t been offered the job she was furious. She said I had got more points, than the person who took the job, so I should have been offered it first. She said that she would put in a complaint against the other (more senior) interviewer, but unfortunately there was nothing she could do about the job at this stage. To say I was gutted was an understatement!

I once, after what I thought was quite a good interview, got a thirty minute character assassination as feedback over the phone.

I was dog walking and had to stop on a bench to take in the evenly-worded, but nonetheless devastating, blow-by-blow account of my many, many failings as a candidate.

I was stunned as I’ve always either been offered the position or been given feedback similar to yours; you were close but not quite there.

I actually cut her off after those crushing thirty minutes as I couldn’t take any more. She was an HR bod and had led the interview and knew nothing of my area of expertise and it showed. I took some comfort in that!

So honestly, be happy you were close and clearly impressed them. I came home and had a glass of wine to recover after mine!

I think they want you to stay in contact for future opportunities. If you can get that close to the job, you'll get another one like it.

I know it feels horrible and personal and deeply upsetting, but you did brilliantly, the feedback was really positive and shows that you didn't do anything wrong or fall short in any meaningful way, and indicates that you will get another job if you persist.

I know that doesn't stop it feeling like shit in the moment.

That's an odd way to take it IMHO @HCA and not the case.

If you missed something by 0.5 that means keep going, you could get a similar job somewhere next time.

Lol - she sounds like a right bitch! Absolutely no need to act like that even if someone isn't the best candidate for a particular job.

I had one interview in the past that went really badly. Loads of things went wrong on the day and I was cringing when I came out of it. A few days later after saying I was unsuccessful (duh!) they asked if I wanted feedback. I said No thanks!

She was an HR bod

I guessed. Human Remains.

what kind of interview was it? I am guessing competency based.

I work for a big employer and I just missed out on a job as I didn't mention a certain word - literally 1 word that another candidate had.

They had a strict scoring criteria that was like buzz word bingo. Once I knew the scoring system I aced the next interview and got the job.

You need to find out where you missed out on the points

It ain't over till it's over. Thank them, tell them you'd love to still be in consideration if one of their first two choices don't work out and then get on with your day.

You never know.

Email them back saying you are v disappointed, would still love to work for them, and please keep you in mind if anything comes up in the future.
You never know, one of the two ahead of you might drop out.

Definitely allow yourself to feel disappointed for a bit, you really wanted the job and did your best. But please don't be discouraged. You were appointable and impressive and were beaten by a whisker. Who knows why. Sometimes it's just that the aggregate scores add up that way rather than 'you need to work on your XYZ'.

I've only ever given that kind of feedback intended to encourage the applicant to keep going, to assure them they are suited to a job at that level, that they are coming across very well and that if they wanted to reapply with the organisation or dept then they would be welcome. I know that in the moment they've probably thought 'well why don't you give me the bloody job then?!' but the intention is to make sure that whilst they may be deflated they know it's no reason to lose confidence.

My DH had almost exactly this experience recently and it was the first time I’ve seen him cry for years, because he really wanted the job. Agree it makes the rejection harder because you came so close.

The other person might not accept. My DP recently turned down a job offer so you never know!

Jesus, I bet you don’t even know what the other people did marginally better than you and you are kicking yourself!

Be your best friend, instead of seeing this as a failure see it as a confirmation that you are in the right track and that you should apply again in the future. That is very good encouraging feedback so don’t be nasty to yourself!

Even when there is very strict scoring other factors often come into play so if it was between 3 of you for 2 jobs, there will have been a range of reasons why they plumped for the other two. You’ll be a near miss and some of it might be fit etc but I’d be amazed if it really was a 0.5 mark on one question. they may well have spent a long time agonising over how to rank the three of you

Be positive, that’s two people out of the race on other roles

In my youth, as a junior doctor chasing registrar and Senior registrar posts, we called it “the Crackerjack Pencil” . Those old enough will know what I mean.

OP I feel your pain. I too heard today that I didn’t get a job I really wanted and the feedback was that it was ‘an incredibly difficult decision’ for them. Apparently I was the preferred candidate of the first round interviewer.

I was told by the recruitment consultant that the other candidate was chosen over me because they had experience of working in that particular industry. I pointed out that I too had considerable experience of working in that industry and he just sort of blustered some response.

Anyway for whatever reason I didn’t get the job but it was super close. I would rather they had said it was something tangible that I could work on or at least something that was true. Ah well, someone got the call they wanted.

I hope you find a great job soon.

I worked in recruitment for many years, internally and agency, and feedback like this means we’d love to keep in touch because when a similar position comes up, we want you! Do keep in touch personally with the recruiter as well as applying for future roles OP. They, and the interviewers, will put in good words for you across the company and it could boost your chances for next time.

Recruiters don’t tend to ‘decline’ other candidates until contracts have been signed

Lol- I can make you feel better.

I once went for an interview and it was awful, left sitting for ages. Stone faced. Their questions made it clear they didn’t like my answers, we were just polar opposites. SEN teaching post, and they were a different school of thought, some of my answers were like lead balloons.

Afterwards I tried to swerve the call and get a no thank you polite email/ voicemail. But she was really persistent and I picked up an unknown number the next day. She told me she was so pushy as they couldn’t believe someone as unprofessional as me was in post, she told me everything they’d said after I walked out the room ‘for my own good’. She offered a character assassination basically, as I tried to politely end the call. It was very personal and I don’t really know why, I hit some nerve (they were very paternalistic and old school testers, I went on to have a successful career with my hippy ways…).

Is have preferred your feedback!

Aww OP.

I've been on both sides of this! Recently applied for 2 jobs, didn't get either, but lovely feedback and lots of "do please apply again for X post when we advertise as we'd love to have you on board etc.." and "really to here was not a lot in it, don't have any feedback, you were very close...." Etc.. Etc.. (have to say, my ego did like that!! But it would also have been helpful to have heard if there were things I could develop for the next interview, so I have things to work on rather than just cross my fingers!!)

Equally, I have recently interviewed candidates for an in demand job. The calibre of candidates was exceptional! They aren't normally that good! 😉 I could have hired them all and would have been happy to do so. However, there was definitely a top 3, all of whom were so similar I just couldn't have picked on my own. The panel took ages deciding and when I called the two that missed out I felt sooo bad! They were great!! I did tell them it was v v close, so I hope I'm not the person that phoned you, if you didn't like to hear how close you were!! If it was me that phoned - sorry! I just try to be honest when calling candidates. I always think it's the best way, and if a candidate was fab, I want to tell them so!! (equally, if there are issues, I will say too - but always try to say kindly).

I think OP, it's a compliment. It means you did really well and will no doubt get the next job you apply for! Hang in there and take confidence from not only being shortlisted for interview, but for nailing the interview too 💐