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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I going mad?

66 replies

TootanCamin · 31/07/2023 01:19

So my partner and I have a up and down relationship but generally it’s good. We’ll often watch tv until my partner falls asleep where they’ll stay on the couch and come to bed later. I snore so it’s understandable sometimes. Not always but sometimes.

Now, they said to me the other night about being left downstairs and that they don’t like being left on their own. So sometimes I’ll wake them up and they’ll follow me to bed.

So this evening, they woke up on the couch on their own as I was heading to bed and they were all lovely and sleepy. And said they’ll follow me up. I got up stairs and it looked like their wasn’t a sheet on the bed. So, I proceeded to put a sheet on the bed. Not really happy about it but it is what it is. I then start getting ar**y texts from my partner why I was making noise. So I explain about having to put the bed sheet on and they were acting confused because they thought omit didn’t need one. Eventually sending me a thumbs of indifference 👍 and a short sharp goodnight - no nicety’s etc

Completely bewildered as a few minutes earlier we were cuddling on the couch and being generally affectionate. I went downstairs because I was completely sideswiped and got an absolutely mouthful calling me a selfish *** for waking them up putting a sheet on the bed. (FYI - My snoring does wake them sometimes, so I sleep in the spare room occasionally.)

AIBU for feeling upset and completely f**ked off?

OP posts:
TheWayoftheLeaf · 31/07/2023 01:28

Seems like a weird night. And a strange set up to be honest. They asked to be woken up so I'd have woken them when you were going to bed.

They shouldn't have yelled at you for getting a sheet though. Although how much noise were you making?

All a bit odd to me

Aquamarine1029 · 31/07/2023 01:30

Tell your partner to be an actual adult and get themselves to bed. You're not their mum, FFS.

Original poster
TootanCamin · 31/07/2023 05:00

Pretty quiet. I’m always considerate when they’re sleeping.

OP posts:
Nothingbuttheglory · 31/07/2023 05:04

They called you names because you put a sheet on the bed? Wtf? Not normal.

CherryMaDeara · 31/07/2023 05:10

I’m assuming he removed the old sheet? Why didn’t he put a new one on?

Sounds like he was looking for an excuse to swear at you.

Does he want you to cajole him to bed each might like a child? Tell him that’s deeply unattractive.

Trez1510 · 31/07/2023 05:25

They don't like being left on their own but stayed on the sofa and moaned via text whilst you went to bed (albeit noisly due to having to make the bed)? Sounds pretty high maintenance / hard work this partner of yours.

I'd be having it out with them in the morning along the lines other posters have suggested i.e. you're an adult, behave like one and apologise for verbally abusing me.

PousseyNotMoira · 31/07/2023 05:38

I don’t really understand any of this.

VisionsOfSplendour · 31/07/2023 05:55

PousseyNotMoira · 31/07/2023 05:38

I don’t really understand any of this.

I don't either, what's with the texting and thumb of indifference? Why would you stop putting a sheet on a bed to have a text conversation with someone a couple of rooms away?

Original poster
TootanCamin · 31/07/2023 06:13

I didn’t, I put a sheet on the bed and then received the texts. I went downstairs to ask what the problem was and got a mouthful.

OP posts:
Original poster
TootanCamin · 31/07/2023 06:14

👍 this is the thumb of indifference. It’s noted as a passive aggressive way of replying to a message.

OP posts:
NotTerfNorCis · 31/07/2023 06:20

Oh dear. I use the thumb a lot, habit from work. It's not meant to be passive aggressive!

Player001 · 31/07/2023 06:21

I always thought it was just a good old fashioned thumbs up.

NaomiS1 · 31/07/2023 06:23

I honestly thought thumbs up meant "ok"!
When did it become passive agressive? Have I been accidentally passive aggressively texting for years?!

Els1e · 31/07/2023 06:27

Player001 · 31/07/2023 06:21

I always thought it was just a good old fashioned thumbs up.

This is what I thought. I use it sometimes as a quick agreement. Who says it’s noted as a passive aggressive gesture? Why don’t you just communicate by talking to each other?

VisionsOfSplendour · 31/07/2023 06:28

TootanCamin · 31/07/2023 06:14

👍 this is the thumb of indifference. It’s noted as a passive aggressive way of replying to a message.

Not in any context that I message with anyone unless I'm pissing people off right left and centre and I have no idea. Is it a young persons things ?

So you got a text, went downstairs, had a conversation which finished with an emoji?

Is this a longstanding relationship, are there children involved?

Original poster
TootanCamin · 31/07/2023 06:33

No children, just a dog. Text then conversation. I didn’t start the text messaging. I was making the bed. I went to have a conversation and then I got a mouthful. And yeah, the thumb has been known in some circles as a passive aggressive emoji

OP posts:
ToxicBiennial · 31/07/2023 06:33

Just a normal thumbs up here as well.

Original poster
TootanCamin · 31/07/2023 06:41

Depends who you’re texting 🤣

I use the phrase ‘Thumb of indifference’ before the Gen Zs came along and stamped it with the passive aggressive label

OP posts:
thinkkook · 31/07/2023 06:41

Why are you together?

autienotnaughti · 31/07/2023 06:44

If someone sent me a 👍 I'd assume they meant ok 😂

Original poster
TootanCamin · 31/07/2023 06:46

We generally get on, laugh a lot and love each other, it was just this particular occurance that happened last night. And I wanted a fresh perspective on it.

OP posts:
Original poster
TootanCamin · 31/07/2023 06:47

Is it just me that thinks the 👍 is passive aggressive?

OP posts:
GeorgiaGirl52 · 31/07/2023 06:51

So you left "them" downstairs - your partner and the dog? So your partner was not alone downstairs.

tuvamoodyson · 31/07/2023 06:54

I use 👍a lot. It means ‘great’ ‘ok, I agree’ ‘sounds good’ etc. I don’t get the dislike for it on here.

pictoosh · 31/07/2023 06:54

No it' not you, people are being obtuse. Everyone knows the thumbs up pass agg inference.

Is your partner difficult and demanding in other ways because that's what this is; difficult and demanding. They are an adult and bedtime is their own responsibility. Of course you can put a sheet on if it's needed.