Am I going mad?

[TootanCamin]

So my partner and I have a up and down relationship but generally it’s good. We’ll often watch tv until my partner falls asleep where they’ll stay on the couch and come to bed later. I snore so it’s understandable sometimes. Not always but sometimes.

Now, they said to me the other night about being left downstairs and that they don’t like being left on their own. So sometimes I’ll wake them up and they’ll follow me to bed.

So this evening, they woke up on the couch on their own as I was heading to bed and they were all lovely and sleepy. And said they’ll follow me up. I got up stairs and it looked like their wasn’t a sheet on the bed. So, I proceeded to put a sheet on the bed. Not really happy about it but it is what it is. I then start getting ar**y texts from my partner why I was making noise. So I explain about having to put the bed sheet on and they were acting confused because they thought omit didn’t need one. Eventually sending me a thumbs of indifference 👍 and a short sharp goodnight - no nicety’s etc

Completely bewildered as a few minutes earlier we were cuddling on the couch and being generally affectionate. I went downstairs because I was completely sideswiped and got an absolutely mouthful calling me a selfish *** for waking them up putting a sheet on the bed. (FYI - My snoring does wake them sometimes, so I sleep in the spare room occasionally.)

AIBU for feeling upset and completely f**ked off?

Yeah. Dog might stay downstairs or follow me up to bed. Eventually he followed me up

I'm sure it isn't just you as you think your partner does the same but I'm going to stick my neck out and say that for the mumsnet demographic a thumbs up is just that

Out of interest what do you use when you want to convey agreement or Ok in a shorthand way?

Oh shit.

My dad's an artist and sent me a pic of his latest work yesterday, I gave him what I thought was a thumbs up of approval!

Nope, Pictoosh, 'everyone' does not know this!! I've always read a thumbs up as agreement or OK. No aggression, passive or otherwise, inferred.

“Ok!” or “Definitely” or “will do” or “Yeah” or “No problem!”

No they don't, that's nonsense, grown ups don't send passive aggressive emojis anyway

Sometimes. I understand the snoring thing as it can be a relationship killer, so I sleep in the spare room if I think I’ll disturb them

I always use 'thumbs up' for yes. My children in their early 20s have never said it is passive aggressive and they use it too!

I don't understand people messaging each other when they're in the same house, but that's just me.
I'm also confused with the use of they rather than he / she unless you're talking about more than one person.
I'm just confused in general with the post

👍

So, you did something useful that isn't a loud activity and received abuse?

Is he normally so controlling? Does he realise that he was a dick? He owes you an apology.

I'm another who uses a thumb up as an acknowledgement, not as passive aggressive. You know his ways, not for us MN strangers to say what it means I this context.

No, not normally. She’s usually pretty reasonable, we both are. And I’m a he. Just for context.

It was just this particular incident. Sometimes, if you’re in the thick of it, thoughts get blurred and I’m trying to figure out if it was unreasonable by them

It’s the thumbs of ‘ok’ for me and dh. One of our (adult) kids told us it was ‘supposedly’ a PA emoji, but not for us it isn’t and we will always continue to use it as a sign of approval and I’ll jolly well put a full stop at the end of my sentence.

This is interesting because often when an OP gets some bullshit text from whoever, MN suggests 'just send a thumbs up' (pass agg) in droves.

I see it as a ‘Yeah, whatever’, indifferent, PA

Everyone I know uses thumbs up as an indicator of agreement. Not pass agg at all. I will check with my son later!

Same. To me it just means ‘I’ve read your message and am ok with what you said.’

But the person you're messaging might not see for hours, that doesn't sound a very effective way to communicate. There aren't any children to wake up in this situation so why not speak

Also wondering how putting a sheet on a bed is a noisy activity

Agree it's like an intercom. Saves me the trouble of running up and down stairs to get mundane information from the kids...or bawling to get their attention.
You might think that's lazy but I just see it as good sense.

Your partner is being a dick.

"They don't like being left alone"? They are an adult, on the couch in their own house FFS, are they normally this needy?

Putting a sheet on a bed is not a noisy activity, but if you fall asleep on the living room couch you are going to be woken up as it is not a bedroom and you will probably be only dozing lightly.

Have you sought help for your snoring? My dp snores like a bear and I'd be very passively-aggressively using my thumbs to gouge his eyes out if he woke me stamping around upstairs whilst I was trying to sleep downstairs...

Yeah, I looked at anti-snoring devices. Then it stopped being an issue mostly, sleeping in the spare room if she needed a good night sleep, so I put it on the back burner.

Sounds like way too much hard work on both sides. You cannot be walking on eggshells in your own home,