5 children. 3 are with my partner and 2 are from previous relationship.
2 of our shared children go to partners mother's and come back with LOADS of treats in 2 bags (1 each for the 2 children)
I asked politely if she would not do this as it makes the other 3 children feel bad (I don't mind what she does with them when she has them, as long as its not rubbed in the faces of the other children)
I work so damn hard trying to make it fair for all 5 children so none feel bad or left out. She said they can share but that would mean me forcing it and being the tyrant forcing the children to share something that was given to them. (I never force them to share, though i encourage it. i let them decide) i told her i wouldnt force it and that i dont know why shed do this as its so obviously unfair on the other children. She got all upset saying she's never bringing anything for any of them ever again.
So I said OK thanks, that I'd rather nothing come than any of them feel bad and that I would always stand up for my children.
Was Ibu? We usually get on okay, though she has done this a few times, just not to this extent (there is ALOT of treats)
I have asked my partner to mention this to his mum in the past but he just isn't bothered and leaves it. He says it isn't a big deal. But to a child it really is. I don't want to then go out and buy loads of treats for the other 3 children to make it fair because then I would be being unfair on the other 2 because it wasn't their fault.
Fucking sick of this bullshit. If I'd known how bastarding hard this would be I would have done things SO differently.
I so nievely assumed other people would be as fair as me.
Its not even just my older 2 children that she left out, but her youngest bio grandchild too (who is old enough to see they didnt get any treats and feel bad). I don't think she did it to be spiteful, I think she is just thoughtless. That's why I asked politely, though I may have been a tad blunt because of the resentment and anger that built in me seeing my children feel hurt by this woman, again. (I'm used to her letting my older 2 children down, though I try to let it slide because they are not her bio grandchildren. Even though they've been in her life since they were 2 and 3)
Please tell me if I'm over reacting, I've considered leaving my partner many times over the way his mother is with the children. I feel he should care more and it makes me resent him. So sick of this. Sick to death of it.