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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband asked me to iron his shirts inside out

80 replies

Luna02 · 30/07/2023 17:16

I have been ironing my husbands shirts for years which I don’t really mind doing, it’s not the worst chore we have, but it’s very time consuming.

Now he’s asking me to iron the upside down and I think that’s crazy, is this a thing? I think it would be really hard to do it properly and it would just get wrinkled again straight away when you turn it around so I told him to iron his shirts by himself which he is now doing. He did have a moan about it though saying it’s ruining his shirts and it’s not how it should be me asking him to do his own shirts just because he’s asked me to do it differently. That he won’t just turn and ask me to pay for the mortgage tomorrow, which I think is unfair as he is a high earner and I earn basically just over min wage but work 40hr weeks and do all the housework and look after the kids.

OP posts:
Bumblebee2022 · 30/07/2023 17:33

I’d iron them whatever way round they were put in to the washing basket. So if he wants them ironing inside out, he needs to turn them that way round when he takes them off.

Prelapsarianhag · 30/07/2023 17:34

Why why why would you ever do another adult's ironing?

NoSquirrels · 30/07/2023 17:35

He’s got options. He can let you iron them the way you like, iron them himself or pay someone else to iron them.

He doesn’t have to pay the mortgage if he doesn’t want to, I guess. Seems a weird retaliation to short-ironing.

Clearly he thinks you’re his servant and he’s the master. Which is deeply unattractive to me. I doubt I’d be ironing anything at all any more, tbh.

ElizaMulvil · 30/07/2023 17:37

What does 'ironing' mean. I think I read about it decades ago, wasn't it mentioned in a song? Never 'ironed' a shirt in 30 odd years of marriage.
It must be a man's job.

Approaching · 30/07/2023 17:37

You work 40 hours a week and do all the housework? Stop doing that at once. Ridiculous set up.

Ive never ironed any of DH’s shirts. Whether working full time, part time or not at all. He doesn’t like ironing so he currently pays for an ironing service (from his own budget, not the household one).

dementedpixie · 30/07/2023 17:37

Prelapsarianhag · 30/07/2023 17:34

Why why why would you ever do another adult's ironing?

My dh does the majority of the cooking so I don't mind doing the 5 shirts he needs for work.

fireflyloo · 30/07/2023 17:38

Don't think I've ever ironed my dh's clothes. He does it himself. But with any chore of he started micro managing I'd tell him to do it himself.

nocoolnamesleft · 30/07/2023 17:39

If you're working 40 hours per week, why the fuck are you doing all the housework? Unless there's a drip feed that he's working 80 hour weeks, that's very unfair on you.

mondaytosunday · 30/07/2023 17:40

Jeez I was a sahp and wasn't expected to do the ironing or all the housework!

Kittensat36 · 30/07/2023 17:40

watcherintherye · 30/07/2023 17:26

I iron everything inside out, in case they get marked. My steam iron is a bit unpredictable and belches out brown bits (rust?) from the steam holes on the odd occasion!

If they're reddish brown, yes, it's rust. If they're beige, it's hard water deposit.

I have a red silk blouse that is like it's made of poppy petals, I only iron it just before wearing it. I made the mistake of ironing the right side once.... Whoosh!!!! Great big hard water deposit stain. Oh big, fat, hairy b***ks.

Now if I iron, I use a spray bottle.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/07/2023 17:46

Testina · 30/07/2023 17:21

“work 40hr weeks and do all the housework and look after the kids.”

YABU. You set yourself up as his domestic - of course you should do it his preferred way.

Or you know, change it up completely and tell him to iron his own fucking shirts exactly as he likes them?

Why would you do all the housework and look after the kids if you’re working those hours?

Doing the housework isn’t a quid pro quo for having the lesser salary! You should operate on the principle of equal free time - which would mean that you did equal housework and childcare unless he works even longer than that!

Theunamedcat · 30/07/2023 17:47

He is asking for half the mortgage payment? Because you won't iron how he wants or?

Because if that's the reason start halving everything he looks after his kids half the time half the housework half the kids bills 🙄

ActDottie · 30/07/2023 17:47

I iron most things inside out (rarely iron though) I just find if the iron has dirt on it then it’s not on the outside.

Twyford · 30/07/2023 17:47

He did have a moan about it though saying it’s ruining his shirts and it’s not how it should be me asking him to do his own shirts just because he’s asked me to do it differently. That he won’t just turn and ask me to pay for the mortgage tomorrow, which I think is unfair as he is a high earner and I earn basically just over min wage but work 40hr weeks and do all the housework and look after the kids.

What is DEFINITELY not how it should be is you doing all the housework on top of a 40 hour week. The fact that he earns more doesn't entitle him to expect you to be his maidservant. He's only been able to reach that position because you have been looking after him and his children for so long.

Tell him that from now on there is going to be more equality in your house and he is going to do 50% of everything, including all his own washing and ironing.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/07/2023 17:48

But tbh I’d say ironing is a thing each adult should do for themselves regardless - unless one person freely offers to take it on. It’s part of personal care, if you choose to do it, surely? Not a household task.

DandelionLeaves · 30/07/2023 17:48

He was lucky you were willing to iron things for him, and if he's going to be particular about it, he can do it himself. His comment about the mortgage would make me less inclined to care what he thinks. Let him keep doing the ironing, though turning things inside-out shouldn't wrinkle them.

You work full time and still do all the housework and childcare? I'd tell him he should watch what he says or he may soon learn that there are many other chores you'll no longer be doing.

Nanny0gg · 30/07/2023 17:50

I iron practically everything inside out - except shirts.

And they're not shiny

ButterCrackers · 30/07/2023 17:52

He can get them washed and pressed at the dry cleaners. His responsibility to organise.

MargaretThursday · 30/07/2023 17:55

I believe my gran and grandad had an argument once over ironing trousers.
She'd ironed them, and he felt the crease wasn't across the centre of his knee as "it should be". So he told her.
Next time she ironed his trousers, she made sure the crease was exactly through the centre of his knee-horizontal rather than vertical. 🤣
I don't know exactly what was said (I never knew my grandad, but my gran was a very stubborn lady), however I do know it took a lot of effort to iron the creases out again and after that my grandad always did his own ironing.
Df (they were his parents) always did his own ironing too.
Unfortunately dh is happy to go out looking like a rag bag rather than doing ironing. Luckily he hardly ever wears anything other than t-shirts.

ididntwanttodoit · 30/07/2023 17:56

I second the ironing service.

JoylonsKimono · 30/07/2023 17:56

My dh said something similar early in our marriage, pre kids. I don’t iron a shirt for him for at least 16 years after that.

PickAChew · 30/07/2023 17:58

You work full time and do all the housework? He can iron his own fucking shirts.

Lucy377 · 30/07/2023 18:00

I thought most clothes should be ironed inside out to stop them getting a shine.

My DH wears shirts to work I don't iron them.
Why can't your DH do his own ironing?

He buys non iron shirts now as much as poss.

CherryMaDeara · 30/07/2023 18:01

You do realise that the lower earner doesn’t have to do all the housework right? It still needs to be split 50/50.

Why in earth are you working 40 hpw, and doing all the childcare, housework, including ironing his bloody shirts?!

Reallybadidea · 30/07/2023 18:01

This isn't about ironing. Bottom line is that he doesn't see you as his equal partner. He thinks because he earns more that he should get more leisure time and that you should earn your 'keep' by doing stuff for him and his children. He is the boss, you are his employee, not his equal.

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