Space of my own/separate rooms

[Stylesformiles]

DH and I are planning on a move to a bigger house (2 bed place to 3) and I’ve been thinking about asking him if we can have separate rooms.

He went on a business trip last week and I had the room to myself, and it was bliss! He usually comes to bed after me and disturbs me, then snores the house down. It wasn’t just the sleep, I got to keep the room as tidy as I wanted too. It made me think that some space of my own would make me so happy.

Our relationship is great and I really don’t want to lose the intimacy but I just felt so much better last week with a room of my own. AIBU if I ask him for separate rooms?

Has anyone regretted it or was it the right decision?

I have a few friends who do this and it works fine for them
It's not for me

It's a bliss. Ask.

It saved our relationship.

I can fully understand where you're coming from as I also sleep with a snorer.

You could try sleeping separately during weekdays and together at the weekends maybe.

I think a mix would be ideal, it’s nice to wake up next to him sometimes. I just want to be able to choose!

Sounds great, we do the same. Definitely bring it up with your husband. Better sleep = better relationship.

You don't need his permission. Decent sleep is crucial to health.

You’re right I don’t need to ask permission, but it’s just a big change so wanted to hear some other experiences.

And it’s not just the better sleep, I looove the idea of having my own space in the house.

We sleep in different rooms because DH snores. My bedroom is my sanctuary, it’s the temperature I want, the lamp is the right brightness (very low) and I can starfish in bed😁

I think ‘sanctuary’ is a great word to describe how I imagine it.

We don’t have separate rooms, but we do different shifts, so we always get the bed to ourselves but individually iyswim. That’s fab, I can only imagine separate rooms as heaven.
Our bedroom is very minimalist and tidy whilst the office/craft/music room is allowed to be a mess. Just not the rest of the house.

Seems like it’s happened for you by accident rather than by design, but works nonetheless

We have separate rooms. Have done for about 13 years. We've been married for 11 years now and have a 4 yr old - intimacy and closeness is a choice that does not require sharing a bed IMO. I highly recommend it.

I have my 'office' in the bedroom that is next to the main bedroom for DH and me (I do wfh 1-3 days per week). but my office also has a nice bed in it, so when DH snores I can creep out of bed in the night to my own comfy bed and sleep well.

We’ve had separate rooms for 2 years. DH snores and my sleep is delicate. It means I don’t need to worry about him coming to bed during the specific window that my hormones allow me to get to sleep. I don’t bother him when I wake up at 5am.
DH would prefer to sleep together but he understands my sleep issues. Our intimacy hasn’t changed because of it. We share a bed on holiday.

Do it, it's fantastic. We have had separate rooms for 5 or 6 years, been married for 35. No problems in our relationship, we did it for the reasons you state.
I now have a lovely clean, tidy room full of all my favourite things. He has a filthy, untidy room full of all his precious crap. I don't ever go in.

Yep been married for 30 something years love love love my own bedroom as I'm sure does my husband

Works for me too. We can snuggle together in either bed and even spend the night/most of the night in one.

Or we can kiss goodnight and happily go into our own rooms with our own stuff and clothes etc.

Better still, separate homes!

We have separate rooms. I love it...

.... but be warned - you really get used to sleeping alone and I will say it causes massive problems when we go and stay anywhere or go away.

People just presume you sleep together in a double bed. No chance of sleep now trying to share.

For holidays I manage something like a static caravan etc - but can be more tricky if you want to go a hotel....

.... but I don't like holidays/going away in any event so it's not an issue - but it could be a downside to a lot of couples!

...oh yeah - and it has zero effect on our sex life - have plenty of that! :)

I would love this. We don't live together so I have my own room most of the time but it is one of the things putting me off livening together in future. We get married soon and people think it is weird we don't live together but it works for us.

Before the pandemic, I would often jump ship part way through the night to get more sleep after one of my many wakings (peri-menopausal). I shifted room at the start of covid for various reasons and never went back. We both gets loads more sleep(dh sometimes works long hours), we can suit our sleep to our own patterns/schedules, get on better than ever, sometimes share at weekends and usually on holiday, happily. I get so much more out of life after a good night's sleep/getting that extra half hour after a bad one.

Two bedrooms, two TV rooms, one kitchen, one dining/kitchen table, two bathrooms. Viewing tastes do not align, there is one mahoosive snorer. Communication is around the kitchen/diner every night for a couple of hours. So it is perfect. And it works for us. No kids, but not for lack of sex either.

Took a few years to get it right though!

It sounds like it’s been an overwhelmingly positive experience for most posters, definitely going to bring it up with DH.