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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu 6.20am train for a meeting

432 replies

Chantholtmouse · 29/07/2023 18:10

Is it unreasonable of my workplace to expect me to get a 6.20am train to attend work meetings and training 300 miles away? I absolutely don't mind attending but a 6.20am train seems unreasonable. It's the only one that would get me there in time. I'd have to be up at 4.45am to quickly shower, dress, walk the dog around the block (I also have to find someone to pick him up) and drive to the train station which isn't that close.

It's then 3 full days of meetings and training which I'll be shattered for. I'll get a bit of time back but it still seems a big ask. There's no option for paid accomodation to stay the night before.

Aibu?

OP posts:
ChiefWiggumsBoy · 01/08/2023 09:46

Caveat: If you're on some ludicrous salary like £200k, then sure, some time sacrifices are reasonable.

Not when (like I assume the OP as she can't afford a hotel) you're on a pretty basic salary. Also not when your company is always reporting record profits.

tiredHCP · 01/08/2023 09:50

Given that they are paying for accommodation while you are there I think YABU. If you were having to do the journey every day that would be unreasonable.
Plenty of people have to get up at the crack of dawn to work 12 hour shifts for days at a time.

theemmadilemma · 01/08/2023 09:55

Not unreasonable. I did similar a couple of months ago. It was a one off and I'm not asked often.

Those travelling in from North America only got there the day before, so were hardly 'rested'.

TinyTear · 01/08/2023 10:08

EarringsandLipstick · 31/07/2023 08:14

Why have you not taken a day off in years OP? Do you not have annual leave?

I was thinking the same, seems a bit martyr-ish...

I gladly take days off from my annual leave for random things as it's use it or lose it in my work...

Anyway @Chantholtmouse , is this somewhere you could get a sleeper train to? thinking of the Caledonian Sleeper but not sure if there are others...

or miss the first hour of the training, if you are going to be there 3 days?

nofashionflair · 01/08/2023 10:25

I've ticked YANBU. I wouldn't enjoy that journey or feeling tired all day, but I also think it's not unreasonable, especially as you would start your normal commute around that time anyway. I know you say you can't afford to pay yourself for the extra night, but if you know the future dates well in advance, you might be able to find a Travelodge or similar budget hotel next time - you can often find a room for about £35 on weekdays if you have plenty of notice. That might be more affordable/worth budgeting for to make these trips easier.

nofashionflair · 01/08/2023 10:25

I meant YABU not YANBU!

Miaminmoo · 01/08/2023 10:33

I think if it’s a one off then fair enough. We employ staff from all over the UK and we are mindful of travelling distances and accommodation if we do a meeting. I would speak to your manager about this if it’s more than once a year and you are struggling with costs for dog care as I wouldn’t like to think any of my staff were in a difficult situation and 3 nights away would present problems for anyone with animals or children to arrange care for. Although all my contracts do contain clauses to expect our staff to work in different locations if it’s reasonable or for a specific training course or event.

Anna79ishere · 01/08/2023 10:36

Chantholtmouse · 29/07/2023 19:07

And I've explained that I did a commute at that time for years and why I feel this is different. There is no reason to call me rediculous so stop being unpleasant.

Show quote history

you come across as very much entitled.
not sure you want a career and if you can have one with your current job and qualifications but with this attitude you will not really go very far. Maybe that’s what you want and it’s ok but if you hope to progress/get promoted please reconsider your attitude towards work

VictoriaVenkman · 01/08/2023 10:49

I haven't had a day off in years.

How does that work OP? Almost all people are legally entitled to 5.6 weeks’ paid annual leave a year if they are full time.

Jumbojade · 01/08/2023 10:57

Chantholtmouse · 29/07/2023 18:10

Is it unreasonable of my workplace to expect me to get a 6.20am train to attend work meetings and training 300 miles away? I absolutely don't mind attending but a 6.20am train seems unreasonable. It's the only one that would get me there in time. I'd have to be up at 4.45am to quickly shower, dress, walk the dog around the block (I also have to find someone to pick him up) and drive to the train station which isn't that close.

It's then 3 full days of meetings and training which I'll be shattered for. I'll get a bit of time back but it still seems a big ask. There's no option for paid accomodation to stay the night before.

Aibu?

I really don’t understand why you will be “shattered” for 3 days, because you had to get a 6.20am train on day 1? Can maybe see you being a bit tired on the first day, but surely not for the other days?

Yes, you might have to put in some work in the evenings, but wouldn’t expect you to be working too late. Plus, I presume you will be staying close to where the training is, so you’re not having the 1 hour commute that you normally have to work and back.

3mma22 · 01/08/2023 10:58

Koalasparkles · 01/08/2023 09:39

It's a strange one this. Why do people see others struggling to get up early as lazy, but not others going to bed early as lazy? This is a body clock thing, not a laziness thing

Show quote history

That’s an interesting point @Koalasparkles

Genuine question to everyone saying it is reasonable. Would you feel the same about adding on 3 hours extra after your usual finish time?

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 01/08/2023 11:01

3mma22 · 01/08/2023 10:58

That’s an interesting point @Koalasparkles

Genuine question to everyone saying it is reasonable. Would you feel the same about adding on 3 hours extra after your usual finish time?

Show quote history

yes, of course. especially if given advance notice.

ScattyGinger · 01/08/2023 11:10

I don't seem it seems unreasonable as it isn't an every day thing. I used to have to get the 6.20 train to London once every week when I was training in my job, that was for 3 years too. Then we would be in lectures and practical labs until 7pm, and home about 10pm. There were loads of other commuters up and about at that time. It was knackering but I used to snooze on the train, or read my book to make the most of the downtime whilst I travelled. At least they will pay for a hotel the other nights and not expect you to get the train every day.

Lalalalala555 · 01/08/2023 12:05

I would just ask about accommodation for the prior night if possible.

As waking up early then 300mile travel is going to be tiring. You're going to need to recover from that journey because you will be tired.
That tiredness will drag into the three days of training, so to be more effective I'd definitely stay the night before.

stichguru · 01/08/2023 12:19

If it's a one off or regular but very occasionally, like an annual conference or something, it's entirely reasonable. Yes it would be a long day, but we all deal with those occasionally. If you think you can't cope with it, that's your choice, fund staying the night before yourself. Or get a friend to come in later to walk the dog, so you can be up later. If it was regular and reasonably often like weekly or even monthly, and had to fit with normal work, no it's not fair to expect you to do that, they need to pay for a hotel or expect you to attend in person less often.

Boredandbitter · 01/08/2023 12:32

Totally unreasonable. All the wage slaves on here....

JST88 · 01/08/2023 12:34

Plenty of people have to get up at 4:45 for work? 🤔

JST88 · 01/08/2023 12:34

This. Companies don’t give a sh** about you and if they did they would pay for a hotel for 2 nights

Jaxhog · 01/08/2023 13:04

Can you sleep on the train?

MzHz · 01/08/2023 13:12

Chantholtmouse · 29/07/2023 18:35

Thanks all. I'll suck it up because it's probably only going to be 2-3 times a year. Thanks for giving me perspective.

I have to go to Portugal for regular meetings- I have to go to lots of places and my firm cover the expenses.

for what you’re earning, I’d say to them that you can’t attend training as it’s too far to get to otherwise

my firm expect me to stay the night before a meeting and pay for it. Wouldn’t the train ticket the night before be a lot cheaper? If so, a premier inn or similar might be the same price as the ungodly hour train?

MzHz · 01/08/2023 13:13

JST88 · 01/08/2023 12:34

Plenty of people have to get up at 4:45 for work? 🤔

Deliberately obtuse?

people who get up for work at 4am would be working shifts and not expected to go to some bullshit networking evening events on top of a 4am alarm call!

SkySecret · 01/08/2023 13:34

I think it depends on your employer as to how it gets dealt with. I’m public sector office based, so getting up pre 6am would be considered “too early” and I’d be able to get a hotel. If you have some strict private company that don’t want to fork out then I think you’re a bit stuck with it sadly :(

Outnumberedmummy2022 · 01/08/2023 14:04

I think you can make it abit easier- if someone will look after your dog ask them to have it the night before then that eliminates walking in the morning.
as others have said if it is just a one off I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.get stuck in and show willing

DMLady · 01/08/2023 15:08

OP, I think this sounds unreasonable, actually, especially given that it’s NOT a one off and you’ll be expected to do this at least a couple of times a year.

Islandermummy · 01/08/2023 15:20

I actually think that the 3 days away from home is much more of an ask than one early start: it's the total package that's quite onerous!

I have had to work very early / late / weekends / travel abroad etc. I pay a babysitter sometimes to attend after work networking. But I feel I'm paid fairly for it, and I can see the point/purpose of the long hours. It sounds like the wider issue here is that OP feels undervalued at work and like her employer is generally taking the piss. That's the kind of thing that breeds resentment.

If OP were more happy at work and generally fulfilled (and thought the training was valuable), she would probably feel differently about the trip: she might even be looking forward to a few night away and nice meals/drinks with colleagues.

So... I reckon yanbu if this is symptomatic of a wider disregard in your company for your personal time and your career progression (like you don't feel that they will appreciate/reward your commitment). But if it's fairly normal in your industry to do the odd work trip (and your employer is generally nice and will progress your career) then yabu to focus on one morning's inconvenience. I suspect its the former...

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