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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu 6.20am train for a meeting

432 replies

Chantholtmouse · 29/07/2023 18:10

Is it unreasonable of my workplace to expect me to get a 6.20am train to attend work meetings and training 300 miles away? I absolutely don't mind attending but a 6.20am train seems unreasonable. It's the only one that would get me there in time. I'd have to be up at 4.45am to quickly shower, dress, walk the dog around the block (I also have to find someone to pick him up) and drive to the train station which isn't that close.

It's then 3 full days of meetings and training which I'll be shattered for. I'll get a bit of time back but it still seems a big ask. There's no option for paid accomodation to stay the night before.

Aibu?

OP posts:
Scottishgirl85 · 01/08/2023 07:36

This is really not an issue. Especially as a one-off. My husband is on a 6.28 train every morning. I'm amazed you're questioning it. Can you not get a dog walker or a friend/neighbour to pop in half way through day? Dog walkers are around £10 for an hours walk.

Market1 · 01/08/2023 07:37

I am a teacher. In my current job I get up at about that time every school day - start work at 6.45. In my previous job for many years I was at work by 5.30, as were many other staff

FiddleLeaf · 01/08/2023 07:41

I would suck it up for one day & pay for a Premier Inn myself.

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 01/08/2023 07:44

If it's a one off or very infrequent I'd not have an issue in doing it.

To be well thought of in a job role you have to be flexible, and if you're in a good company they will be flexible back. If you dig your heels in each time they need a bit more from you, you'll be seen as awkward or difficult, it's at this point you'll start to get passed over for opportunities and when you get rated for things like pay rises you won't be seen as one that exceeds expectations. It will also raise eyebrows if you ever need to leave work early or take a different lunch break.

I see these things as 'you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours' opportunities. I often get up early for work, travel now and again, but this week I need to leave work early on Friday to go and watch my dd, my boss was more than happy to let me go a few hours early. If I didn't do those things, it's likely he'd ask me to take half a days holiday.

SushiSuave · 01/08/2023 07:44

I don't think it's unreasonable either. I used to do a journey of similar distance but left at 5.45am about twice per week in an old job. But if you have an issue then talk to your boss.

MoonSea · 01/08/2023 07:45

Id be annoyed too op. Although if a one off maybe would do it. It doesn't really matter if other people get up at 6am every day if you don't usually. You have your routine and life (dog) outside work.

I once got up at 6 am to get a train to a conference but I could have said no to going - it was my choice. Also ended up being late as there were branches on the train line.
I now have children and it makes everything more difficult.

Oohmissus · 01/08/2023 07:46

You can tell on this thread who works for the public sector.

In the real world, it's not unreasonable to get up at 4.45 and catch an early train - but you've already accepted that, OP.

Can you really afford to keep a dog, though, if it's a struggle to pay for it?

Tabitha2721 · 01/08/2023 07:47

Pretty normal time for a commute, especially as a one off. I regularly have to fly to Europe and quite often have to leave very early or even on a weekend.

gogomoto · 01/08/2023 07:48

Plenty of people have to get early trains to work. Dp takes the 6.30 to london every few weeks meaning leaving here at 6am. Better than having to go the day before

Tabitha2721 · 01/08/2023 07:49

More like £15-20 now! Love how private can increase their wages in line with cost of living but public just have to struggle through (no bashing on private - it’s what should be happening to public!)

justlonelystars · 01/08/2023 07:53

That’s the time by DH gets the train every day! He’s up at 5:30, gets dressed, has his breakfast, if the toddler wakes he’ll dress him too. Try showering the night before and can you skip walking the dog?

I have to get trains that early on occasion too, it’s just part of working life unfortunately.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 01/08/2023 07:58

I get that lots of people do similar but I wouldn’t be happy doing it on you mr income either. Most people who have to do things like this are on far more and it makes it okay for them.
My husband is away three days a week most weeks but the difference is he knew he would be when he took the job, and the wage makes the effort worthwhile.

Zonder · 01/08/2023 08:00

Doesn't seem unreasonable to me. You've done a commute leaving at that time. Spending more time on the train than in the office is nicer as a one off. Take a book, relax, sleep.

And if someone is doing dog care they can walk the dog so that will save you time.

satellitesunshine · 01/08/2023 08:06

ew. the comments about younger people being lazy with work etc are so tragic. i’m so sorry that we have boundaries and value our actual lives over work - some people do actually see work as something to make money and then go home, and that’s way healthier than licking your employees arse and saying yes to everything. it’s not lazy, it’s called respecting your own time.

OP, i agree this is unreasonable. if it’s going to be a few times a year id say no, if you want me there make it later or employer should book a hotel the night before.

Heartbreaktuna · 01/08/2023 08:07

Someoneonlyyouknow · 01/08/2023 00:10

Why are so many people ignoring the fact that OP hasn't chosen to live 300 miles away from her workplace? Nor is she a shift worker or a teenage sports fanatic. If you take on a job, knowing your commute will take x hours a day, that's up to you. When your employer asks you to complete training that necessitates starting your day 2/3 hours earlier than usual they should be willing to offer accommodation the night before (train probably cheaper then anyway).

Yes OP hasn't CHOSEN a workplace that requires this commute. Feel like I'm in the twilight zone reading these replies.

GiraffeDoor · 01/08/2023 08:09

One day would be reasonable, but three in a row isn't really.

Igneococcus · 01/08/2023 08:10

Does one off travel qualify as "commute"?

Goldencup · 01/08/2023 08:12

I once got up at 6 am to get a train to a conference😂😂😂

Hillary17 · 01/08/2023 08:13

I think it depends if this happens regularly? As a one off I’d suck it up as they’re covering hotels for the other days. To get to my office for 9am I have to leave the house at 5:30am but thankfully don’t go in often so it doesn’t bother me too much!

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 01/08/2023 08:14

Chantholtmouse · 29/07/2023 18:28

Sorry I should have explained a bit more. Travelling 6.20am on Tuesday. Meeting starts 10am. Meetings/training Tuesday, Weds, Thurs. I don't have to travel back each day. I have accomodation for the other days. They won't pay for the Monday night to avoid such an early start though (fair enough but would have preferred meetings to start at maybe 11 as several people will have really early starts including my 4.45am alarm). I'll get the train back Thursday night and will get home between 9.30pm-10pm if trains are on time. Each night will be filled with networking stuff so there will be no chance to catch up on sleep.

I voted yabu when I thought that you had to trave back each day.

yes, yabvu.

I honestly don’t see a problem with this. Sounds extremely reasonable to me. And getting on the train at 6.20 (or much earlier!) is a reality for many people, a pps have already pointed out.

Blacksheepcat · 01/08/2023 08:16

I don’t think it’s unreasonable as a one-off. I used to commute daily for over 20 years (and for 12 of them it was a 6:30 train and getting back at gone 7pm most nights). Once you’re on the train, relax and go back to sleep.

Butchyrestingface · 01/08/2023 08:16

If the meeting starts at 10:00, and OP catches the 6:20am train, I'm amazed that there's a train that can cover 300 miles in that time.

RosesAndHellebores · 01/08/2023 08:25

It's one early morning and two nights at an hotel. I can't honestly see the issue if you are getting back some toil for the period. Training/L&D is a helpful initiative I'd have thought.

The dog is absolutely not their responsibility.

If you've an issue with one early morning then pay for an hotel the night before. How on earth will you be tired for three days? You might want an early night on day one but you'll get 8 hours or more for day 2. I'd make the most of it - enjoy the training, enjoy the social side and think of it as a little break. But I always enjoy a conference.

Chocbuttonsandredwine · 01/08/2023 08:25

It’s not ideal no, but try and focus on the positives, st least you are getting training and were invited.

Try and give feedback at a later date about the start time, it will probably be easy to push it back a bit in future if you and others ask.

re the networking tonight, go for an hour then trapdoor it, and go back to your room with some nice snacks, watch some tv and catch up on sleep

Solibear · 01/08/2023 08:26

I think as a one-off it’s fine. I was 7 months pregnant and got up at 5am to travel to Paris for 3 days of internal meetings earlier this year. Yes I was tired, but it’s my job. They did say I didn’t need to go if I didn’t feel up to it (given how heavily pregnant I was), but I still went and it was fine - about 100 others were there as well, some having travelled even further, so everyone was in the same boat!