Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this weird?

113 replies

tuscany88 · 29/07/2023 15:48

Approximately 2/3 years ago, my husband and I were out with our 4 children (then 11, 13 & 15). We came across one of our children's teacher with his wife and very young children. My child recognised him as we'd never met him before. We had a brief and polite exchange of conversation and that was that.
Since that brief meeting, my child has on various occasions mentioned how this teacher asks questions about our family, the way we live etc. I told my child that he was just curious and simply to minimise information given when possible.
This teacher lives down the road from us and sometimes passes our house; on one occasion, the blinds were open and he waved at me from outside and my husband was cleaning the car, so he also stopped to chat to him
This week, whilst we were at work, my 16, 15 & 14 year old were at home. This teacher knocked on our door asking if his young child could use our toilet. My child let him in and he walked in and walked into our living room/dining room (looking around) whilst asking to be directed to the bathroom. Upon leaving, he enquired as to if we were going away this summer, where and who we were staying with.
I cannot help but feel angry that he has come into our home uninvited. Add to that him entering with no adults present AND he's a teacher and should have known better. Taking into account his previous curiosity, am I overreacting by believing that his child needing the toilet was an excuse to satisfy an unnecessary curiosity? I don't want to overthink this, but it's been on my mind all week.

OP posts:
ToxicBiennial · 30/07/2023 02:06

How peculiar.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 30/07/2023 02:09

Ahhh, I forgot one other scenario, which was actually the first that popped into my head:

  • That he has safeguarding concerns, and is asking intrusive questions to establish more things about family life & see inside the family home (although, he should be doing that in a professional capacity, not the manner in which he presented himself).

I know you say there is no reason for him to have safeguarding concerns, but trust me, there are plenty of busybody jobsworths out there with poor judgement who report perfectly normal, innocent people. So please do not take offense to this scenario!

Ohdofuckofdear · 30/07/2023 02:29

Very peculiar behaviour OP!

Is your child still going to be taught by him when they go back to school?

I'd be reporting back to the school when it reopens, coming to your house and walking around inside and asking more questions is completely unacceptable and as a teacher he should know that!

I used to work with children and that is not something I would ever have done and some of the children's parents were my friends before I started teaching they're children,the school would frown down on this for not only the child's and parents sake but for the teachers sake as well.

It didn't sound innocent to start with but then when you mentioned the fact that he'd walked past a public toilet and 2 coffee shops and didn't stop there for his child it sounds even weirder and the fact he not only asked about you going away on holiday but who you'd be staying with as well is really weird and made me feel ick towards him.

user1492757084 · 30/07/2023 02:41

Your children should just be told not to let other people (anyone) inside the house while they are alone.

I think this teacher is, over the past three years, considering you a friendly neighbour as well as the teacher connection.
Your husband also entertained a discussion and asked questions.

Regarding the wee stop, it is more normal to do a tree wee for a very young child but was the child too old for a tree wee?
It is a bit odd but his actual behaviour seemed just friendly not nosey to me. The teacher would have a Working with Children clearance and he was with a child and your kids were al lthere and outnumbered them.

Train up your children to respond differently if you are worried.
"I'm sorry, we can't open the door to anyone if our parents are away. They will be back in an hour, you could come back then."

Your children are all above babysitter age so should be okay.
Did they feel unsafe?
Does the teacher behave just a bit embarrassingly friendly or really creepy and threatening?
It is a bit sad when people can not be friendly and like you and your kids without being judged or without formally inviting you over for dinner.

TheWayoftheLeaf · 30/07/2023 11:43

Maybe you're just overanalysing? He's your kids teacher, you've had a couple of polite chats, his DC needed the loo desperately and he knows you so thought 'I'll ask there'. He didn't know no parents were home and by the time he did he'd already asked.

While there he glanced around because that's what humans do.

Don't overthink it.

Catsmere · 30/07/2023 11:59

"Needed the loo desperately" when they'd already passed a couple of places he could have gone in that short walk? I don't believe it.

GoodChat · 30/07/2023 12:26

Catsmere · 30/07/2023 11:59

"Needed the loo desperately" when they'd already passed a couple of places he could have gone in that short walk? I don't believe it.

I suppose it depends how old the child is

Catsmere · 30/07/2023 12:37

GoodChat · 30/07/2023 12:26

I suppose it depends how old the child is

Show quote history

Yeah, but did you notice he took his time to look around the house while asking to be directed to the bathroom? Doesn't sound like a sudden urgent need to go, whatever his child's age, does it?

GoodChat · 30/07/2023 12:39

Oh no I completely agree the guys behaviour is bizarre

Catsmere · 30/07/2023 12:40

Bizarre and downright creepy imo!

TRexTara · 30/07/2023 16:29

This is so weird. Everything about it. All the people who are so desperately making excuses for him, why? Just why?

TRexTara · 30/07/2023 16:32

ReadingSoManyThreads · 30/07/2023 01:24

Pressed post by accident!

I'm a former teacher, safeguarding trained and this is screaming 🚩

Various scenarios in my head:

  1. He fancied you or your husband upon that first chance meeting. Assuming you're from Tuscany, you're maybe a very beautiful, sexy Italian. So he developed an obsession for you or your husband, hence all the intrusive questions to your child and the constant passing by of your home. Did he find out your home address from school records??
  2. He may be a paedo and has a thing for your child/ren. I hate to say this as I absolutely do not agree with people being wrongly branded as this. I'm just stating it's one of the possibilities.
  3. He's maybe ND and doesn't understand boundaries, however, as your child says he's the only one who gets questioned by him so probably not.
  4. He's a very nosey individual.
  5. He's an obsessive stalker.

I would bet money that his child didn't need the toilet, firstly, you mentioned there were other places that his child could have used the toilet. Secondly, he crossed professional boundaries by knocking on your home to use the loo. Thirdly, he made no attempt to rush his child to your toilet, instead he was nosing around your home.

I grew up in a rural place and all pupils knew where all their teachers houses where and vice-versa, but there was no creepy weird, intrusive behaviour.

No matter what scenario it is, it's very concerning behaviour, and I would seriously consider having a face-to-face meeting with the Headteacher about this intrusive and unprofessional, boundary overstepping behaviour. There's just something not quite right about it.

All of. This.

determinedtomakethiswork · 30/07/2023 17:24

I don't think any teacher would think this was normal behaviour. I would put it in writing to the headteacher. He probably doesn't mean any harm but he needs to respect his pupils' boundaries.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page