Is this weird?

[tuscany88]

Approximately 2/3 years ago, my husband and I were out with our 4 children (then 11, 13 & 15). We came across one of our children's teacher with his wife and very young children. My child recognised him as we'd never met him before. We had a brief and polite exchange of conversation and that was that.
Since that brief meeting, my child has on various occasions mentioned how this teacher asks questions about our family, the way we live etc. I told my child that he was just curious and simply to minimise information given when possible.
This teacher lives down the road from us and sometimes passes our house; on one occasion, the blinds were open and he waved at me from outside and my husband was cleaning the car, so he also stopped to chat to him
This week, whilst we were at work, my 16, 15 & 14 year old were at home. This teacher knocked on our door asking if his young child could use our toilet. My child let him in and he walked in and walked into our living room/dining room (looking around) whilst asking to be directed to the bathroom. Upon leaving, he enquired as to if we were going away this summer, where and who we were staying with.
I cannot help but feel angry that he has come into our home uninvited. Add to that him entering with no adults present AND he's a teacher and should have known better. Taking into account his previous curiosity, am I overreacting by believing that his child needing the toilet was an excuse to satisfy an unnecessary curiosity? I don't want to overthink this, but it's been on my mind all week.

The child may well have been desperate, but he would have walked past 3 coffee places and a public toilet before getting to my house.

Don't wish to be dramatic (but of course I am) Have you checked for hidden cameras yet?? He sounds like a creep.

Yeah it's weird.
I don't understand why so many people are trying to make excuses for him.

I'm not either which is why I've tried to brush it off, but struggling and just wanted to get other people views on the situation. My child is normally, if anything, the one to give the benefit of the doubt. However, on this occasion he said that it was awkward because not only was he surprised to see him on the doorstep, but he also said he felt that because he was a teacher from his school he couldn't 't say no. The layout of our house is pretty obvious as to the toilet not being to the left, yet that's the direction he chose to go in. Plus all the questions at the end.

What’s your culture op?

Southern Europe

Ok just thinking if he could be curious/fascinated because of this, not that it in any way justifies going into your house.

I’d think about getting a ring doorbell or a camera by your door..

The only thing that's odd is the toilet request.

Everything else that you offer as confirmation of his oddness just isn't at all imo.

So what if he walks past with his kids, once stopped to your dh in the garden, once waved to you? I live and work in the same town and certainly do similar. I have always thought it was friendly!

And asking questions - so what? Some people chat and are interested in people.

But the toilet thing is strange. Presumably he didn't know that there were no adults home though? I'd mention it next time you see him rather than stewing and attaching made-up motives.

Am I the only one thinking you are overthinking this? You have met somewhere in a restaurant, then started seeing him passing your home (you might not notice him before, because you did not know him then). The toilet situation is a bit unusual, but not really 'out there', when you have little child needing 'to go' and still have 10 minutes to your home, but are approaching vaguely-known people's house, you might as well knock and ask. I have had someone at my door in the same situation and let them in- it was someone I have only seen at my DH's primary school gates.
As for asking your child about holidays- he was maybe just keeping the conversation going.
Idk, I do not see anything strange in teachers' behaviour.

So he was deliberately vague about his own street, yet is massively crashing down all boundaries over your own lives?

How weird!

Do you get any vibes that he is attracted to you OP? 🤔

How far down the road?

I certainly wouldn't be asking to use someone's toilet especially if the mum and dad weren't in.

He could have scooped her up and ran home.

I find it odd behaviour and not necessarily anything horrible but certainly overly familiar.

Is that weird? When my children were at primary school two of the teachers lived near me and I knew where because I would see them going it out of their houses

In secondary my child's tutor also lived near me and I knew where, I didn't know that would be something anyone would think of questioning. If you live in a small place isn't that quite normal?

We have never met him in a restaurant. He is merely a teacher at the school.
I would have no problem allowing someone I know use our bathroom for a young child and probably would have knocked on a friend's door when mine were little, but I wouldn't have entered if my friend wasn't home.

I don’t know, I’m a bit on the fence. He prob alt asked about culture what not as he was being curious, do you know if he’s asked other children about their lives?
He’s been vague about where he lives to try keep some boundaries .
How old is his child? They child may not have been able to wait but your child could have said no. He didn’t really enter uninvited since your child okayed it. If it’s a young child then he probably entered too to make sure his child was okay. He then would have asked about holidays to just make chat. I’ve regularly asked students about their holiday plans, how they are getting there and where they are staying just to keep the conversation going.

If you feel uneasy then try keep your distance, don’t engage in chat other than a polite nod and then see how it is when the child is at school.

I would never ask to use a toilet especially I was near to home, he definitely took advantage of the fact that you weren’t home to come in. I have been stalked by some strange people in the past and I know how to recognise what is not normal, you must minimise contact with this person as much as possible, make sure your children know to keep a low profile at school and do not enter into any person conversations, you need to stop this weird behaviour before it goes any further.

For what it’s worth OP I for one think this is highly unusual. I think for him to knock on your door is really over stepping professional boundaries. If I was a teacher with a child who needed the loo I would no more knock on the door of the home of one of my pupils than fly! I would carry the child home quickly or use a coffee shop. If I did knock on the door as soon as I discovered (and I would ask for them directly ) that the parents were out I would tell the kids not to worry and go elsewhere. And I would never ask in the first place.

The other thing that is odd is when your husband (quite reasonably in my opinion given this teacher’s interest in your lives and the number of times you had seen him) asked where he lives, he was strangely vague. A more normal response, I think would be “Yes that’s right up so and so Road. We’ve just moved in etc. Enhou your weekend.” No need for him not to be open.

The reports from your son might be more nuanced as they might have been having class discussions etc. But I would talk to older children and your ds about opening the door. Unless you have form for being paranoid I would say trust your gut. I would not be happy about this and I am a fairly relaxed but fairly emotionally intelligent person. Due to various factors with my kids we got to know their teachers quite well. I cannot imagine any of them knocking on a pupil’s door !

I think that this is what’s weird - it’s not maintaining ‘boundaries’ to deny a parent information about where you live and then turn up at the house of one of your pupils!

Very weird indeed. Are you sure he lives near you? If he does he could’ve taken his kid home for the loo. I reckon he doesn’t live near you, and makes a special trip to walk past your house. It’s creepy. He sounds like a stalker. I’d mention it to the school if I were you, he shouldn’t be turning up at one of his student’s houses like that.

I think it's very odd, possibly suspicious, behaviour. Your children wouldn't have let just anyone into your house so he has used his position of authority as a teacher to get them to do something they wouldn't ordinarily do. This is a complete breach of safeguarding and it's intrusive.

At first I was leaning towards thinking he’s planning to cuckoo you out of your lives somehow- you’ll get home one day and he’ll have moved in and convinced all your neighbours that you’re crazy and never lived there.

But now you’ve mentioned the culture thing, I think probably if you’re Spanish or Italian, he’s learning the language, and he wants to make friends with you so he can practice on you, show off his fascinating multicultural social life, and as a bonus blag some free holidays in the villa he’s decided you’ve got in some amazing walled town surrounded by oranges and olives and vines and stuff. Your Nonna will love him, the villagers will love him, everyone will love him so much they’ll club together and buy him a house there, and it’ll be just awesome. Actually, can I be your friend instead? I’m not creepy like the teacher guy.

My child says that he noticed the questioning because it was just with him. I respect any boundaries he wishes to place, but where are those boundaries when it comes to him entering our property without one of us being present?

Yes I think that’s a bit weird

@ostwest as a teacher he'd know it's a safeguarding issue to be alone with a child/children in that situation & setting, with no other adult present . He's asked the child intrusive questions before this. The OP mentioned there are toilet facilites & coffee shops with toilets nearby. He's intentionally vague as to where he lives , but is always passing. Does he even live nearby & if he really does, why not mention the street .Obviously you would not give the house no. but I would give my street, when chit chatting to parents , when I was a teacher in a v small rural town ,(when it's that small, you're always bumping into parents). I'd look him up on Facebook tbh to see if he's really is practically a neighbour.But I'm cynical , since my old 6th form Headmaster , moved ho had a girlfriend of 12 years, was charged re images of boys as young as 7 on his computer. Prior to that, he'd had an unblemished 30 year career & had just recently moved to a private boys school. Their Heads of Maths was charged a year later with similar offences.