Help me process what happened to me in psychiatric hospital

[inthewrong1]

Hi everyone

Regular Mumsnet user but name changed for obvious reasons.

2 years ago, I was hospitalised after a suicide attempt and severe depression and anxiety. I went to a psychiatric hospital and stayed as an inpatient for 2 months to get help.

About a week in, a new health care assistant started and he seemed really nice.

I overslept one morning and woke up to him touching my bare feet in bed telling me it was time to get up and take my medication (male staff were not allowed in our rooms without supervision) as it was a female only hospital.

He would make jokes like "I wouldn't bend over if I were you" whilst supervising me putting my washing in the machine or tumble dryer.

At the time, I was in an awful place, I was broken. My husband had left me due to my depression and I was 60 miles away from home and everything and everyone I knew.

As I wasn't deemed a danger to others and had no history of violence, I was allowed out on my own to the local town etc if I wanted to.

He found me on Facebook and sent me a message and was being flirty. He offered for me to go to his for dinner the following day and I was so lonely and sad that I agreed. He told me to walk down into the town and he'd pick me up.

When I got to his house, he hadn't cooked any dinner but gave me wine and I ended up having sex with him. I didn't enjoy it, he made me uncomfortable, slapping me around my face, tying my hands up even though I said I didn't like it and rubbed my feet constantly. After about an hour, I got dressed and he said he couldn't drop me back to the town.

I got a taxi back and the next day he acted like he didn't know me. A few days later I passed him leaving with a box full of his stuff, he'd been caught in another girls room on his own and on CCTV kissing another patient on the grounds.

I'm still struggling to process what happened. I know it wasn't rape as I consented, but the aggressiveness of the sex, the slapping me, tying me up even though I said I didn't want to and knowing I was vulnerable now makes my skin crawl.

I have flashbacks of him slapping me and I haven't been intimate with anyone since.

How do I process this? I feel dirty and ashamed.

It’s literally in the OP. Near the end, read it again.

Second to last paragraph of op 1st post. Rude!!

OP literally says “I have flashbacks of him slapping me and I haven't been intimate with anyone since” 🤷🏼‍♀️

Its in the first post @ Ws2210, didn't you read it ? -
'I have flashbacks of him slapping me and I haven't been intimate with anyone since.'

Woops sorry all! I did re read the post, guess I'm v tired!

But she also said she had a baby since?

Troll hunting isn’t allowed and definitely isn’t appropriate on a post like this. If you have concerns about the OP then report the thread.

I hope you are ok OP. It’s never too late to get professional help to process a trauma like this. I had over 12 months of specialised counselling and it changed my life, it was provided by a charity at no cost to myself.

Op, what he did was awful. He took advantage of you. That is horrific. I'm so sorry. 💐

In the op - I have flashbacks of him slapping me and I haven't been intimate with anyone since.

Then don't post on such serious issues @ Ws2210 . You accused me of picking unfairly on a rape victim . Good night.

I looked into Severalls Mental Hospital Colchester and recently made me cry reading its history about 5/6 weeks ago. Luckily I’d got it’ wrong luxury flats now there instead of Colchester’s private hospital. But awful what they done to people. I remember going to Severalls very scared in the late 90’s having childhood epilepsy diagnosed there but watching videos of the old site now - very erry. Every bone went cold at some of the reported things when people were most in need.

I didn't troll hunt, I said perceptions, catastrophic thinking, irrational thoughts as clearly the op has had intimacy? Or maybe it's a asexual relationship and ivf that's why I pointed it out actually.

OP im so sorry you had to go through this , particularly at a time where you were extremely vulnerable. I agree with others who say report this guy, however you may not feel at a point where you are able to do this and relive what happened to you. Please seek some kind of guidance, such as therapy to understand none of this was your fault, and take it from there.

@inthewrong1 you are still absolutely allowed to report him, It was a sexual assault and he stepped so far over the line with a vulnerable patient on a section he would gave jail time, not just stopped from working with patients. You will also get support with working through this, and having it on your record in case anything else happens the future regarding your mental health and how you might behave differently in a hospital setting.

Thos isn’t your shame to hide, you are assaulted and taken advantage of in every way, this was not consent this was rape.

You have no reason to feel guilty or shame, OP. You were horribly abused, taken advantage of & sexually assaulted. Maybe you need some professional help to realuse & accept that none of this was your fault.

How disgusting and exploitative, I'm so sorry you had to experience this.

I won't give a view on whether you should report or not but I do think you should talk to someone about it. What a horrible experience.

OP that was sexual assault. You, a vulnerable person, were groomed by a person in a position of authority who took advantage of your situation and the poor management of the hospital.
You should report him too. Not with the main goal of him going to jail but so that you can have access to therapy because you're broken by this and you need proper professional help. Don't hide it from MH professionals. Let it out so they can help you.
That hospital should be properly inspected by the powers that be. Better procedures must come out of this. Yes, he was reported by patients but it shouldn't have happened in the first place.
I know somebody who was assaulted in similar circunstances to yours and she was a basket case. She was in for an E.D. but came out with a multitude of other issues and I don't know whether she ever recovered. What happened to her was inside the hospital but your case isn't "better" because it was outside. What happened to you every bit as terrible and you've every right to feel upset and not know how to deal with what happened. Get proper help, don't let it fester. This guy should be on a list for predators.

My love, I am so sorry. You are not dirty and you have nothing to be ashamed of and you didn’t “let” this happen to you.

Sorry I meant to put until I met my partner but no was typing in a rush because he's here and he doesn't know about it.

I promise I'm not a troll, Mumsnet can confirm I'm a long term user.

OP I think sharing our loads makes them easier to carry. Maybe talking it out with your partner can help you to process what happened better. You need to realise what happened was NOT your fault. You did nothing wrong and you didn't deserve it. Good luck OP on your path to healing.

I don’t think people were saying you were a troll, I just think it was confusing to read seemingly contradictory things and that was a distraction from the real issue at hand, and then godspeedjune interpreted the questions in a particular way and mentioned troll hunting.

What you went through is absolutely awful, and I hope you get some support to work through it as others have suggested.

I will read and reply as soon as I can, currently sat with partner on sofa.

@inthewrong1 whenever you feel ready, please tell your partner. They sound wonderful and will help you feel safe and help you with what you need to do next. It might also help them understand some things about you. But you need to tell people this now incase in the rare possibility in the future you need further help with your mental help.

He preyed on you because you were vulnerable.

I dread to think how many other women this has happened to.

You need to make a formal complaint.
Do you have any evidence like messages?
At the very least they’ll keep a closer eye on him.