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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want this girl to leave us alone?

22 replies

emkana · 26/02/2008 19:51

On a Tuesday I took my dd's to their ballet lesson. Dd1 also does tap, which means that dd2 have half an hour together "alone" (as much as you are in a crowded cafe in a ballet school). ds is with MIL

Dd2 and I use that time to do some of her reading for school, and dd2 also enjoys looking through a magazine like Sparkle Word with me, doing the various little tasks with my help. There is also an about eight year old girl there who is waiting for her lesson to start, and she keeps standing next to me and dd2 at the table and piping up with the answers, and because she's older she always gets there much quicker than dd2 who is four. Is it mean of me to not want her to do that? It's one of the very rare occasions where I get one-on-one time with one of my dd's, as usually ds is always around, or both the dd's are there. How could I phrase it?

OP posts:
Original poster
emkana · 26/02/2008 19:52

I take not took

OP posts:
BitTiredNow · 26/02/2008 19:56

where is the older girl's carer while this is happening?

ItsPotatoesForYouMyLad · 26/02/2008 19:56

i learnt a lot from a thread a bit ago about a similar situation someone had had in a swimming bath. Basically, say what you want straight out. 8 yo's are not offended by not being wanted, she'll move on to the next interesting looking people. also 8 yo's do not 'get' a subtle hint, so there's no point trying to be 'nice' about it the way you would to an older child or adult.

and i don't think it's unreasonable to look forward to a bit of time one-to-one with your dd btw

Chloe55 · 26/02/2008 19:56

I would just politely ask her to let your dd answer first seeing as though she is much younger, is her mum about anywhere? It would annoy me.

scattyspice · 26/02/2008 19:56

Hmm very difficult. I can see why its frustrating but I'd say it would be very hard to ask the girl to leave you alone without hurting her feelings. Maybe she'll get bored and find something else to do.

WendyWeber · 26/02/2008 19:57

No, it's not mean of you! I would go nuts!

I think you need to say something along the lines of

"dd2 is only 4, and I know you are much older and cleverer but I want DD2 to give me the answers, not you...where is your mum? Maybe your mum could bring a comic for you to do answers from?"

Would that work?

louii · 26/02/2008 19:57

Just tell her to go away, wheres the person who is looking after her?

SugarSkyHigh · 26/02/2008 19:57

how infuriating, I hate it when that happens (in my case it's usually older siblings chipping in, and younger DD gets undermined).

Can you say to 8 yr old, something like, "you are SO clever because you are 8 yrs old, do you think you can let DD2 who is just 4 yrs old try and answer the questions?"

if that doesn't work tell her to go and play in the middle of the road

onepieceoflollipop · 26/02/2008 19:58

Frustrating for you (my 6 year old niece behaves in similar way with my 4 yr old dd)

I guess it's tricky because you are in a public place - anywhere else you could go instead? I also felt sorry for the little girl you mentioned - she is obviously bored and after attention. (where is her mum/cm or whoever?) I am sure she doesn't realise that she is intruding. She just sees you having a really lovely time with your dd and wants to join in. (doesn't help you I know)

Original poster
emkana · 26/02/2008 19:59

her grandmother sits nearby and chats

OP posts:
RedJools · 26/02/2008 19:59

YANBU. Where is her mum??

zog · 26/02/2008 20:00

Completely agree with Potatoes - just tell her. You don't even need to dress it up particularly I don't think - just "Can you leave us for a bit please as dd2 is doing her homework - thanks" then turn away. It's not rude but she'll understand and should (!) go away.

dizzydixies · 26/02/2008 20:02

pack her back of to her granny - one on one time is precious enough without someone else's kid gatecrashing

Heated · 26/02/2008 20:04

"Thank you for helping but this is dd's h/w and she has to do it herself. Right dd, how many sides does a rhombus have...?"

scattyspice · 26/02/2008 20:06

I guess it depends on whether you feel that it takes a village to raise a child (or whatever it is).
I feel a bit sorry for this girl too. If you can put up with her for a while you will be showing your DD an excellent example of kindness to others.

WendyWeber · 26/02/2008 20:07

The magazine isn't homework though and the 8-year-old will say so!

WendyWeber · 26/02/2008 20:08

emkana's DD2 is entitled to more of her mum's time than this other child, village or not...

fluffyneedssomesleep · 26/02/2008 20:10

YANBU - I dont think you're going to cause much offence just being honest and explaining briefly that you want to spend some time on your own with your daughter. In fact, I think you sound like a very nice (and concerned!) person

scattyspice · 26/02/2008 20:14

I think you sound a nice and concerned person too.

If your DD is bothered say" DD doesn't want you to answer the questions". If your DD isn't bothered, let them take turns.

Original poster
emkana · 26/02/2008 20:26

thank you for calling me nice and concerned

OP posts:
SlartyBartFast · 26/02/2008 20:34

can you find a definate 2 seater,

sounds realy annoying,
and just the sort of thing that would happen to me

MaryBS · 26/02/2008 20:50

YANBU. I have an 8yo daughter that insists on answering for her 6yo brother. I explain to her (over and over usually!) that he won't learn if she answers for him. Perhaps if you tell her that you are trying to teach your DD, she will understand and go away???

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